We are finally at the last part of this anger management series. Those of you who followed all the posts I hope you did find some useful nuggets for practical application. For those of you who haven’t read the previous parts you can read them here:
One of the important points you need to keep in mind while working with your anger is to understand that it is your reaction. When you react in anger, no matter what the provocation is, you have chosen to be angry. It is very easy for us to blame others for our anger. But if you are determined to resolve your anger issues, then you need to be very aware that anger is your reaction.
What does this imply? It means the issue is not between you and the person that made you angry, rather the issue is between you and anger. It is Me vs Anger, not Me vs the World. Only with this understanding will you be able to really uproot anger entirely out of you. All the previous techniques I gave you will help reduce your anger and uncover your root issues. But without this ‘Me vs Anger’ awareness you will only succeed temporarily; your subconscious will always harbour the idea that it was another person who made you angry.
What’s the next step? Don’t get into Mind Drama. What’s a mind drama? Ever noticed that when you try to control you anger you sort of run a dialogue with your mind? We tell ourselves that the other person is not worth it, we need to calm down, and maybe we are interpreting the situation differently. And your subconscious mind keeps giving counter arguments. This is what I call Mind Drama – a dramatic conversation that you run with your subconscious. And the subconscious always wins. You may succeed in controlling your anger at that moment during such conversations, but it is still there suppressed.
In a Mind Drama the subconscious always wins! Because the subconscious does not care if you succeed in that particular argument, it just wants you into the argument! The moment you are into the Mind Drama, the subconscious has won. The trick here is to totally ignore the subconscious at the moment of anger. Don’t enter into any conversation with it at all. The subconscious will continue to dish out more luring arguments but just steer clear of the drama.
Imagine your anger to be another person and think he/she is trying to engage you in a conversation to trick you. The moment your subconscious mind gives reasons why you need to be angry, just wag your finger at this imaginary person and tell him you are not falling for that trick.
It takes an effort in the beginning to be able to stay out of the Mind Drama but soon after it will become a habit. So just remember the formula ‘Me vs Anger’. This will save you from messing up your relationships.
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