Do you compare a 5th grade child to a Post Graduate and scold the child for not knowing calculus or literature? Then why do you compare your inabilities with the most talented person and chide yourself?
This is a common trait we all carry and fail to see the mistaken logic behind it. I often get clients who come and say they lack a particular talent. Things will be fine if they stop at that. But they go ahead compare themselves to their peers in this area of talent and start criticising themselves. What they fail to understand is that they are making unfair comparisons and drawing wrong conclusions about themselves.
For instance, I had a client who was 35 and worked in an MNC. He lacked in communication skills and he had come to resolve that. He would often compare himself to his colleagues who are of his age and feel very bad that he was not as communicative as them. This in turn developed a marked inferiority complex in him. Until I pointed it out, he failed to see the mistake in his logic.
All of us have, more or less, equal capacity to grasp and learn a talent or skill. But because of the circumstances in which we grow up we tend to pick up certain skills faster than others, while missing out altogether on some skills. Figuratively, we can say that we are Doctorates or Post Graduates in those skills we had developed well while in some other skills we are still at a Primary or a Pre-primary level.
In the above case, the client was a primary school student in communication skills while in his technical skills he was certainly top notch. So where is the logic in picking a peer who is a Doctorate in communication skills and saying that I am not as talented? That is the path of doom and failure.
We simply need to understand that we have to start honing the underdeveloped skill as if we are learning it for the first time – because we are in fact learning it for the first time. And also expect to make those mistakes that any beginner will tend to make. Yes, our peers may laugh at us when we make mistakes, but ask yourself if you want to improve at the risk of being laughed at for a short while or hide behind a defence all your life pretending to be talented and worrying within all life through!
Once I pointed this to my client, he was able to focus on what was important – learning to communicate better – than comparing with peers and feeling depressed. It was in no time that he was able to communicate himself better. He has more milestones to cover, but the block that was even stopping him from making journey was gone forever.
And it is not just in communication issues that we make such mistakes. It is in many areas like relationships, financial stability, looks and image, technical talents, soft skills, and in many such that we compare unequal people just because they are of similar ages and put ourselves or others down unfairly. Stop doing that. See your mistaken logic. And start developing your skills if that is what you want!
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