Every problem that we face no matter how big or small it is arises out of the conflict between our ‘What Should Be’ and what is.
I should have my keys! I lost my keys!
- My car shouldn’t have a flat tire! It does!
- I should be getting more income! I am getting less!
- My neighbor should mind his own business! He doesn’t!
- My wife should do all the household chores! She isn’t!
- My husband should support me financially! He isn’t!
- My spouse should understand me! The spouse doesn’t!
- My son should get better marks! He isn’t!
- My daughter should dress properly! She doesn’t!
- My parents should give me more freedom! They aren’t!
- I should be healthy! I am diseased!
- She should have been alive! She’s dead!
All the clients that ever came to me, all the problems I ever sought to resolve in my life – everything came down to a conflict between ‘What Should Be’ and what is.
No matter what help we resort to for our troubles, be it Allopathy, Ayurveda, Reiki, Hypnotherapy, Self-Help books, Psychological Counselors, a well-wisher’s advice, Angel Therapy, Cognitive Therapy, Critical Analysis, Astrology, Chakra Healing, Divination, it is always because we cannot accept what is and we have a ‘What Should Be’ in our head.
But have we ever once stopped to question our very ‘What Should Be’ beliefs?
Have we ever once thought why can we not simply accept what is?
We are so caught up in the denying, resisting, fighting with, attempting to change the ‘what is’ that we never for once sat back and asked ourselves why should anything be any other way that it is! We never questioned the standards! We never thought why can’t we simply accept what is!
Which standard says that human being should be healthy always? Is that a biological law? If it is, why, then, aren’t we always healthy? Why then must we die?
Who said that relationships must be the way we expect them to be? Is it a natural law of the universe? Don’t you realize that your relationship is lousy just because you are trying to make the other person confirm to your expectations of that role?
When you look deeper into the problem, we find that all the ‘What Should Be’ beliefs are all acquired standards. We picked them up in the process of growing up and learning to cope with this world. They are all mere beliefs. Yet they become our moral and social commandments of life. We seek to fulfill them at the cost of sacrificing who we are.
Some may say it is a conflict between ‘What I Want’ and what is. I’ve noticed ‘What I Want’ is either defined by ‘What Should Be’ or it becomes that.
The roots go deeper still until they touch our very egos. But we never want to go that deep. We just want to be on the surface and depend on our ‘What Should Be’s to define our happiness.
The truth is there is greater freedom in learning to accept what is. That does not mean we cannot or must not change what is. But in learning to accept, we lose our ‘What Should Be’ and then what needs to be actually done for the situation will become clear. It might be changing the situation or it might be simply being in the acceptance. In some cases if we accept the situation, the situation changes without any apparent effort on our part (except for the acceptance, of course).
Isn’t accepting everything that comes a loser’s way?
Where did you get your definition of losing and success from? Merely another ‘What Should Be’ standard!
And if we accept a situation just because the situation will change by acceptance, then we are still hanging on to a ‘What Should Be’.
Next time you have an issue just, for once, try accepting the reality of what is.
What do I mean by acceptance? Just be! Stop resisting. Just be. And see what happens!
Remember, when you are accepting, you must really let go of your ‘What Should Be’ for that particular situation. Otherwise, you are merely pretending to accept. You still haven’t come down into the reality.
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