Which emotions make your personality come alive?

The emotions that make me alive are those that I experienced intensely and they have also added to the definition of my personality. So what is personality in such a case, what is me?

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Which emotions define the ‘me’?

Which emotions makes your personality come alive? This is a question that came to my sudden attention this morning as I was performing some household chores. Usually when I’m involved in routine chores, such as doing dishes or riding to a shop, I try to utilize the time for practicing mindful awareness but sometimes I lose myself in thought. These are the times when, as in meditation, subconscious matters that need immediate attention spring up in form of thoughts or emotions for me. I think this is the case for a majority of people.

So today as I was involved in chores, a set of imaginary situations where I was displaying righteous anger towards some people was running amok in my head. It took a while to become aware of it and I suddenly realized that this is one of the core emotions that makes my personality come alive – righteous anger.

And then I recollected another emotion that was doing the same function for me – deep melancholy, a kind of philosophical sadness or sometimes deep aching sorrow that racks my being. And then another emotion sprung to mind – delight – not the childlike innocent happiness, but a mischievous and empathy-blinding delight – the kind that elves are fabled to possess. I’m sure there are a few other emotions too that bring my personality alive.

So you realize by now that I’m not talking about the spiritual-type of aliveness here – the one that accompanies a very present awareness and gives a feeling of weightlessness and joy sometimes. I’m talking about when my personality or ‘me’ comes to feel it is really living the moment. The kind one might feel when partying or involved in experiencing our favorite emotions. The ‘hero’ of the story of my life.

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Is the story becoming a hero, the ‘me’?

When I become engaged in righteous anger, a part of ‘me’ really comes kicking alive. It feels like I’m really living my life – even though such anger is deep suffering. When I become deeply sad, I come alive. When I’m playing pranks or jokes upon others and roll in laughter the ‘me’ is alive. When I feel a deep sense of betrayal or victim-hood, I’m alive.

 

I don’t want to call the above emotions ‘negative’, because that is just a labeling we’ve come to give them after social and cultural evolution made them undesirable for a ‘stable civilization’. But we also know we cannot stay human without them. And they are also necessary emotions that help me take action, that help me get inspired, motivated, or get going.

The interesting aspect are not the emotions but the personality itself. These emotions make ‘me’ come alive and feel like I really exist and matter, on closer scrutiny, are also emotions that define me. In other words, the story has become the hero in many ways. I hope I’m expressing myself well here.

These emotions that make me alive because I’ve experienced them intensely sometime in my past (probably more than once) and since I’ve experienced them so deeply they have also added to the definition of my personality. So the events that evoked the emotions acutely for the first time have defined or re-defined the hero of the story. Hence the story is making the hero.

So what is personality in such a case, what is me? Am I a bunch of emotions and memories that strive to keep those memories and emotions alive? The reason why this question becomes important is because if we notice, our lives are a repeating set of emotions and circumstances. The events may be different but the circumstances and emotions that we come to experience are the same set. And every time we strive to keep those emotions from repeating, that very act is nudging us closer and closer to experiencing those emotions. And even though I hate some of these emotions, if they are making me feel alive then isn’t it desirable subconsciously for me to experience them again and again? For instance, if every time I become deeply sad and spend those moments defining philosophies of life and death, I’m deepening my set of values by those acts and hence also ‘me’. And I like that. I like to be seen as a philosopher, or a iconoclast or any other definition that I want to hashtag to my name. So now, in spite of not wanting to experience loss (because to feel sad I need to experience loss over and over), I am unconsciously moving towards it still because it makes ‘me’ me!

But in the last few weeks, I’m also able to see a certain hollowness in my ‘me’ emotions. I’m able to notice, partly only of course, the string of thoughts that are constantly spinning the tale of me even as I am experiencing these intense emotions. This is giving me a certain space from which to see these emotions and the story happen. This is happening probably because in the past few months I’ve had been serious about me and finally came to a point where I was taking myself so seriously that I’m seeing holes in the plot, the plot of ‘me’. Not that I’m able to take myself lightly now. Maybe that’ll happen eventually, I don’t know. But for now I’m able to get glimpses of the story/hero building as it is happening live. When I’m talking to someone, I can see how I’m using certain words or actions or emotions to nudge the events or people into my story or into hero-elevation that I’m seeking. The sense of emptiness that is behind this story-weaving process (that’s for another post). The interesting part is that I’m also able to see the story-building even in self-hatred that I carry.

Of course I can’t say that the personality or the ‘me’ is not important or is false. It may be false, but it is also required as of now because without it I cannot even make a choice to earn my living or do the works that I do. Unless there is a clear seeing that the ‘me’ is false, there cannot be a pretense towards the denial of my existing personality. I’m still getting angry, I’m still being sad, funny or many other things that I am for now. But knowing which emotions bring me alive is definite progress over simply getting lost into them.

So coming back to the original question now:
Which emotions makes your personality come alive?

Photo Courtesy:
Superman – Pixabay
Daemon – Pixabay

Related Posts:
Emotional See Saw: The ‘other side’ we often overlook
The Cinderella Syndrome

We Are Going On A Long Leave

Short GoodbyeThere come many opportunities in a person’s life when they can choose to follow their hearts or continue living in fears and insecurities of the mind. We (Geetha and I) have passed through quite a few and perhaps there lie a few more ahead of us. Most of the times, our choice was of the heart but once in a while we let our fears cloud us and keep us in the same of loop of suffering. We are once more at one such juncture in our lives.

This time the choice was unhesitating and simultaneous for both of us. Now, we’ve both come to a clear realization that further and truer healing cannot happen with conventional therapy but rather through a deeper introspection and awareness. And stepping into pure present moment awareness means we cannot avoid stepping into the unknown that follows it immediately. And to do that we realized we simply have to put in more faith into the life within and trust it to take care of us. And we are doing that. We are going away together to explore and experiment in deeper and truer healing. And, as usual with our lives so far, the experiment is first on us. We didn’t have to go away to let this healing happen, but the moment the realization to heal deeper came for us the universe opened doors for a perfect space to heal!

As a result, we are both taking a long sabbatical and we are closing Purple Room Healing for the public. The leave is for at least six months. The blog and all its articles will still be available for you all. We are also opening a site and another blog to share our onward (and inward) journey and to write about the practice of awareness. We will announce them here soon once we have made the physical transition to our new home and personal healing space.

Thank you all clients and friends who made this journey with us. We learnt a lot from each of you and we hope each of you had equally benefited through the help we could extend.

“The only freedom we’ve got is not to react to anything, but to turn within and know the truth.” – Robert Adams

My Parents Ruined My Life

child abuse‘My dad would beat me up and tie me to the bed post.’

‘My mother never let me go out with friends because she felt they were not right for me.’

‘My father never had confidence in me.’

‘My parents forced me into this marriage.’

‘Both my mom and dad knew about the abuse I was undergoing, but they didn’t want to lose face in the society. So they did nothing.’

I get clients who had a difficult childhood. Some of them grew with parents who constantly fought with each other, some of them had an over-protective single parent, some of them had very strict parents, and some of them were with parents who hardly acknowledged their presence.

In many ways each of us had trouble with our parents and hated them on more than one occasion. Most of us learn to cope and a very few actually resolve their issues with them. But for some of the clients the childhood would be so bad that they would carry the scars into their adult lives very badly.

Excuse to Ruin Your Life Further

These people blame their parents for their lives being a mess today. They carry the pain and guilt and it practically ruins their lives. Over a period of time this becomes a good excuse to shirk responsibility and avoid facing their fears. dejectionIt is the new comfort zone – ‘our shell’ so to speak.

Then from a genuine anger it turns into a defence mechanism born out of frustration. After parents they start unconsciously choosing other replacements to blame their frustrations and failures upon.

The Present Is Not the Past

It may be true that they had been through severely traumatic past. But the truth is that such clients have chosen to cling to the past. This is a point where most healing comes to a standstill. In fact this is where most of our lives come to a standstill itself. We have put our present and future on a pause interminably.

No matter how painful the past may have been, choosing to make the best of the present is the only solution. If we can understand that past may have been the time when we were helpless but present is all ours, we can find it easy to realize we are not that helpless afterall. The past never haunts us, we cling to the past for various reasons.

Process of Letting Go

past present futureOf course only way to move on is to let go. That means not only letting go of the pains of the past but, more importantly, letting go of past resentments and regrets.

I’ve often seen that resentment, regret, and guilt are the biggest blocks to healing and all progress.

And with clients who are not willing to let go or, in some cases, not even willing to acknowledge they are clinging to the past, all we do is end the therapy for good. We have no choice. The choice rests with the person who is carrying the past.

Adult Is Not A Child

Obvious isn’t. Yet we do not apply it most of the time.

Yes, parents may have been responsible for your low self-opinion in your early childhood. But you are not that child anymore. The truth is that if you are old enough to realize the mistake lies with your parents in your childhood, you are also old enough to understand the mistake now lies with you in choosing to wear the past like a jacket around you.

We all have a choice to make – we can either acknowledge that we are not as bad as we think we are (and nor is our situation) and let go of the past, or we can hang on to live in the past and continue to drive our life in a downward spiral hoping to get our parents to regret and repent their mistakes.

Parents Need To Realize or Suffer

In order to impress upon the parents their suffering, some of us go to the extreme of hurting ourselves and our lives.

A simple understanding here makes it easy to choose the healing path. The person facing the problem today is not the parents but you. The life at stake is not the parents’ but yours.

And the more we try to push our parents to realize the truth through our suffering, the more we are abusing ourselves. It actually has an opposite effect too. It only strengthens parent’s negative viewpoint about us.

Nobody Understands Me

sadnessYes, nobody can, nobody will. And for this precise reason, only we can change our lives.

Suffering is there to tell us we are going the wrong way and need to change our ways. It is not there to tell us to change the world.

Unless they are ready to let go of the past, people who blame their parents, cannot find happiness or satisfaction in life. They think they are willing to sacrifice the happiness too, but the truth is they haven’t. Their lives are caught between trying to punish themselves or their parents and trying to find happiness and peace. The two goals are mutually exclusive. It just gives rise to a traumatic existence and a miserable future.

Suggested Readings:

Quarrel With Your Spouse If You Want to Ruin Your Child’s Life

It’s Too Late

A Guitar Player Among Footballers

 

Photo Courtesy:
freedigitalphotos.net
Woman Hitting Her Son by David Castillo Dominici
Sad Woman Sitting Alone In Room by FrameAngel
Past, Present And Future Sign by artur84
Beautiful Hispanic Woman With A Very Sad Expression by Sira Anamwong

 

 

The Cinderella Syndrome

ImageImagine this: A poor lonely girl sitting alone by herself on a starlit night full of sorrow and suffering. She is quietly weeping for herself and her pitiable condition. She has nobody to talk to and everybody around her is treating her badly including her family. She hopes somebody would come to her aid. She is yearning for her prince and savior to come along and save her from her plight. Someone who would love her with all his heart and make her worthy of her life. This is the Cinderella Syndrome.

We all know the Cinderella story. The poor fatherless girl mistreated by her step-mother and made to scrub the floor all day. She yearns for a better life and weeps all night long. One day her step-sisters go to the ball at the palace. Cinderella wishes she could go to the ball too. And lo, a fairy godmother appears and turns Cinderella’s rags into a lovely dress, and rats and pumpkin into horses and a chariot. Cinderella dances with the prince at the ball who is taken by her beauty. By the hour of midnight, heeding the warning of the Fairy godmother, Cinderella rushes out of the ball leaving behind her glass slipper. The prince has his staff search for the girl whose foot would fit the glass slipper. Cinderella’s foot fits and she is married to the prince, and she lives ever after.

ImageThe Cinderella Syndrome is a real life situation of a fatherless girl who was unconsciously playing the Cinderella for real. Unfortunately, Cinderella stories don’t end well in reality. This girl had prince after prince coming to her rescue but they would then eventually desert her and go.

This happens because her mind had to survive her identity which she formed of herself from early childhood. And that identity was that of a lonely, suffering girl who is hurt by near and dear again and again. Once the mind forms an identity for the person, its goal is to keep it alive – to keep both the body and the identity alive. So for this girl, in spite of yearning and manifesting princes into her life, her mind has to still keep her lonely and suffering, hurt by near and dear. Now the near and dear also include her romantic relationships. Yet her desperation to get out of the situation is also real.

So she battles with herself endlessly. She manages to attract guys who would take advantage of her desperation and then dump her. She would be left once more the poor Cinderella. After a few repeated such incidents she has a fear of relationships which all the more helps her to remain the suffering Cinderella.

Real life Cinderella is helpless by choice, derives melancholic enjoyment of her loneliness, noble in her own view due to her uncomplaining (not entirely) suffering. Her self-pity, self-hatred, and her pride keep her remaining that way.

There is only one way for real life Cinderellas to get out of this miserable loop – to decide not to be a Cinderella in the first place. They need to give up their life story. They need to look beneath the voids they carry within to find out their true self. The Cinderella Syndrome is an addiction to pain.

Most real life Cinderellas carry a deep void within. They wait for an outside hero to come and fill that void. This is their second mistake. The first and their biggest mistake is in assuming they are the void within. Instead of trying to fill the void, they need to question the reality of the void they carry within. Is she the identity she formed in her childhood? Or is she somebody else? Can she, as a life, survive if that identity is snatched away from her? The day real life Cinderellas can give a yes to the last question, they can effectively come out of their troubles and heal their lives.

Self Pity and Self Hatred: Two Dangerous Extremes

feeling sorry for oneselfLow self-esteem issues are quite common to my practice. In fact, all therapies in one way or the other have to do with self-image. And when we suffer from a low self-esteem problem and are unable to resolve it, we manage to cover it from the world by taking a defensive stand. Some become reserved and gruff, some put up a false intellectual front, some pretend to be uber happy, and some turn shy and silent, and then there are hundred other ways to cover it up.

Dealing with self-esteem issues or any issue for that matter is not a big deal if we are really willing to resolve our problems. But there are times when some of us tend to take an extreme stand about themselves after years of struggling with issues. One one extreme is self pity and other self hatred.

From a healing point of view, both are really dangerous attitudes. Because they not only prevent us from effectively resolving our issues but also become a very important reason why we are facing issues also. Let us see how.

Self pity is a sorry state. A person with self pity begins to see himself in a sorry state and as a figure of sacrifice. He feels he is a helpless victim of any situation and believes he would remain so. He often spends time in pitying himself and blaming others for his plight. He comes to feel so bad for himself so much that they readily accept the victim’s role as a part of who they are.

And once that happens, they continue to attract situations where they can play victims. The mind always makes true what it believes. It manipulates situations and people around to fulfill its needs and beliefs. So once the person believes he is a victim, he unconsciously seeks to worm himself into situations where he could become one. It is like if you become a doctor, you need to treat patients to justify your role. So you set up a medical practice and start seeking people with illnesses. Much similarly, the mind starts looking for situations and people who would victimize it so the self-pity is justified. These people carry a lot of resentment and anger within.

self hatredSelf hatred also works similarly but on the opposite side of the scale. Person who hates herself usually start playing the role of a perpetrator. She needs to justify her hatred. She just starts looking for victims and situations where she could have reasons to hate herself. In her mind, it’s all her fault! These people also carry a lot of guilt. They also carry a need to punish themselves.

People on these two extremes have a need to make sad stories of their lives. The truth is that need is neither ‘subconscious’ or ‘unconscious’. There is no need for a hypnotherapy regression or ‘psychological evaluation’ to bring up this need to the surface. All one has to do is to watch their thoughts and the motivations will be readily seen. If you can watch your thoughts with complete honesty – which means without denying or resisting them in any way – you can readily find out if you are carrying any of these traits in you. By watching your thoughts, you can also easily realize how you are manipulating yourself into a victim’s or a perpetrator’s role

This becomes the first block to any healing or therapy.  This needs to go in order to resolve other issues in your life. How can self pity and self hatred be healed? All you need is consistent refusal to take that attitude. Be alert in your head and watch your thoughts keenly. The moment you start feeling sorry for yourself and anger for situation or the moment you start cursing yourself and feel severe guilt, just move into the present moment and refuse to take that attitude. Be consistent and you can easily come out of that viewpoint.

Suggested Readings:
Emotional Drama
Power of Manifestation
It’s too late now!

Picture Courtesy: David Castillo Dominici @ freedigitalphotos.net

Simple Meditation Technique to deal with Anxiety and Stress – Part 2

Read the First Part here. The meditation technique is explained there.

Best Recommended Times

The recommended times are for getting the best out of this method. They are not mandatory. In fact, I recommend you not to take up all the below at once. That will simply become a burden to you and that will motivate you to give up the meditation practise.

I personally follow these and I do not meditate for no more than two minutes maximum each time. And I increased the frequency of this practise after I fell in love with the meditation, not before.

The best way to start the day is to become present in this moment when you wake up.
The best way to start the day is to become present in this moment when you wake up.

As soon as you wake up – this is especially good because it can have a great influence over your entire day.

In the toilet – this again is another time of the day where our thoughts and emotions then can affect the whole day. Just a few minutes of this meditation here will help us greatly.

Waiting in traffic or at other times can be a great time to meditate.
Waiting in traffic or at other times can be a great time to meditate.

During travel (if you are not operating the vehicle) – this is one of the best times, I’ve found, to meditate. In fact somehow it is easy for me to meditate while sitting in the bus or train. After this technique, I personally began to prefer travelling by bus or train over driving myself because it gives me a long time to meditate. Especially while returning from a day’s work, this meditation in bus has tremendous benefit. There is an immediate flushing of stress and anxiety which I used to carry from work to home.

Before beginning a work – I have found this to be another huge benefit. When you are able to move into ‘being in the moment’ before you start any work, it gives you the calmness as well as the presence of mind required to handle the task effectively. In fact, I found this even improved my performance.

Being in the moment after eating can help digestion and also tune to your listening to your body.
Being in the moment after eating can help digestion and also tune to your listening to your body.

Immediately after eating – If you do this over a few weeks, you will even gain an amazing ability. You will be able to tell if the food that you just consumed is good for you or not. Body has a great ability to communicate what it wants and what it can’t digest. But we never listen. This technique helps you gain back that listening habit. Not only will your stomach tell you if the food you ate is good for you or not, but if you ate something that is particularly not so suitable for your constitution, the few minutes of this meditation after food actually helps reduce the discomfort or indigestion problem. Of course, that does not mean you can continue to eat whatever you like and use this technique like some antacid tonic. When your body communicates, listen to it. Try to avoid that food stuff in future.

Evenings when free – This is the time when I practise this for a slightly longer time like about ten to fifteen minutes. Sometimes, if I find time, I do this in the mornings instead. This helps me become more anchored in that state of peace and calmness, and also helps me get into this practise easily even during most stressful times in the day.

Before going to bed – I sleep with this technique. It will soon help you fall asleep faster.

Getting the Best Out Of This Meditation Practise – Meditation Tips and Advice

Be in the moment and you will soon enjoy the moment as it is.
Be in the moment and you will soon enjoy the moment as it is.

Enjoy the meditation – Just be and you will quickly fall in love with this meditation. Whenever you are being in your body, you will find a certain peace and calmness in it.

Let it grow upon you – Let the meditation grow upon you not the other way round! Do not try to overwhelm yourself with doing this too many times in the beginning. You are trying to acquire a habit of regular meditation. And anything that you dislike or are trying to force upon self can be tough to become a habit.

Take it easy – If you take this meditation too seriously (instead of enthusiastically) you are only adding to your stress. Remember you are trying to find peace out of this meditation. The more desperate you grow the less likely you will find peace. Just take it easy.

Skip once in a while – Take a break when you feel like it. The importance of peace and calmness is felt more in its absence. Don’t be a stickler to punctuality and discipline. If you enjoy the meditation it will become a part of your daily routine quickly enough.

Don’t try too hard – Once in a while you may find it difficult to move into the ‘here and now’ when you are too stressed out or emotional. Don’t try hard. With enough practise during other times you will soon, within weeks, reach a state where you can go into the meditation even during high stress.

Don’t empty mind – Again the emphasis is to be your posture and thus enter this moment. Not on emptying your head of thoughts. There is no need to change your thoughts. Move your focus from them to your body.

Stay on the goal – As you become more practised in this meditation technique, you will find some interesting latent abilities of yours getting activated. For instance, sometimes when I am doing this meditation, I become aware of the mood and thoughts of people around me. Stay with the goal. And the goal is to gain peace and be stress-free. If you start pursuing this meditation for the sake of latent powers you will lose both peace as well as the powers.

Experience this moment – Each time you do this meditation you may have a different experience. The goal is to be the posture and experience this moment as it is. Do not try to reproduce the experience of your previous meditations. That is where you can get lost and lose peace.

Do it as you are – Do not try to assume special postures for the meditation. Just move into the posture you have at the moment. Of course you can adjust a limb or two for the sake of convenience. Sometimes you can also realign your posture as a physical way of ‘gathering your mind’. Special postures or asanas can restrict the places and times when you can practise this meditation.

 

Suggested Readings:

Simple Meditation Technique for healing Anxiety and Stress – Part 1

How much time do you spend for your mental health? – Part 1

How much time do you spend for your mental health? – Part 2

Frustration: Shortcut to Failure

 

Photo Courtesy: graur codrin, rakratchada torsap, Stuart Mile @ freedigitalphotos.net

What makes us an addict?

Why do we become addicts?
Why do we become addicts?

Most of us think addiction means being under the control of a substance or a habit and not being able free yourself from it. Though that definition is true, it also creates a misperception that if we are in control of a habit then we are not addicted to it.

The mind can play tricks on our perception. Only in cases of extreme and prolonged addiction we get the feeling of loss of control over the habit or substance. But in most addictions our mind gives us the impression that we are under control of the habit.

Most addicts will tell you they have absolute control over their vice and they can stop if they want to. That is exactly how the mind keeps up the addiction – by creating an illusion of control. We feel we can stop the habit if we want to, but, strangely enough, we never find any reason to stop it!

Only way you will know if you are an addict is to find out, in spite of ‘being in control’, how many times were you actually motivated to stay away from your addiction. And how many times did you give in to the urges?

Why do we become addicts in the first place? Why does the mind want it in place so badly that it will go the lengths of deceiving us?

Function of an Addiction

Addiction is a 'cover-up'!
Addiction is a ‘cover-up’!

Addictions serve as a ‘cover-up’ for our issues in life. Ever noticed how restless you tend to get when you are idle? We quickly say we are bored and try to occupy ourselves with some pastime. Did you ever wonder what boredom is and why we should even be bored? It is because our minds are restless and we cannot remain in peace for long. (It is not that we cannot, it is only we are not used to). So it keeps finding ways to occupy itself.

Addiction is similar but only on a more serious scale. When we carry issues of the past in our heads, we also carry opinions and beliefs about ourselves based on those issues. Our mind then becomes a constant and noisy critic in the background, always scolding us and point out our mistakes as we go about our daily lives. All this criticism is coming because we hold deep opinions about ourselves.

Automatically, we look for ‘occupations’ that will quieten temporarily the ‘mental noise’ in the background. Our past habits like smoking, drinking, shopping, gossiping or hobbies like watching movies, browsing internet quickly become those ‘occupations’. The frequency and the intensity of that habit now rise dramatically and we soon find ourselves dependent on it just to cope with our lives.

It is natural that in order that to let go of an addiction be it through hypnotherapy, reiki, or other de-addiction programs, we need to address those deeper opinions and beliefs we hold about ourselves first than on the addiction itself. Removing an addiction without addressing the inner beliefs will only bring temporary results or we will simply switch to another addiction.

Suggested Reading:

Gossip: the Ugly Addiction

Emotional Drama – the addiction we never notice

How does hypnotherapy help heal addictions?

It’s too late now!

 

Photo Courtesy: Grant Cochrane and sattva @ freedigitalphotos

Past Life Regression Therapy: Client and Therapist Responsibilities

We have seen in the last two posts on Past Life Regression Therapy on how past life regression works and explored some of the root causes that crop up in past life therapy. Now let us look at the responsibilities of a past life regression therapist as well as the client in order to make Past Life Regression a successful therapeutic session.

Role of Past Life Regression Therapist

Though the clinical training and experience of the therapist are the most important factors, let us assume the client has made necessary enquiries in that area (See ‘How to find a good Hypnotherapist?’ for more). Coming to the session itself, the foremost role of the therapist is in pre-talk. Pre-talk is a consultation session where the past life therapist explains to the client how the therapy works as well as clears misconceptions about past life regression therapy. Most clients have many expectations and opinions about past life regression. If the client had not attended any past life sessions, then most of the expectations and opinions would have been created by the media as well as their religious and cultural background. Some opinions could simply be false. It is the role of the therapist to find out these expectations and set them right if necessary.

What many therapists end up doing in pre-talk is making a sales pitch – which creates even more expectations in the client’s head. The misconceptions remain. Creating an expectation towards healing is necessary, but creating expectations about the therapeutic process itself can become counter-productive sometimes.

There are other responsibilities of the therapist, but discussing them here will only create a client to become analytical during the session, thus again creating a block to a successful past life regression session.

Role of the Client in Past Life Regression Therapy

The client’s responsibility is an important determinant for a successful past life regression therapy.

One of the biggest obstacles towards a successful past life regression therapy is excitement and anticipation on the part of the client. What with so many television channels having hyped up past life regression therapy through their programs, lot of excitement has been generated for this therapy. Clients want to ‘experience’ past life more than having their issues resolved. There are clients who want only past life regression because they are sure the root causes to their problems are from a past life. Some of them are true, some are simply excited.

The most important expectation for a client should be resolution of their problem, rather than having to ‘see’ their past lives. Anticipation about who they could have been in their past life can produce false memories. That would simply be a wasted session without any concrete progress towards actual therapy. Excitement can also cause the client to regress nowhere. They simply hit a blank wall.

There is a simple way to move away from anticipation and excitement. Put your focus on the actual goal of the past life therapy – which is solving a problem in the current life. Do that and you will make easy progress.

Suggested Reading:

Are Past Lives true?

How to find a good Hypnotherapist?

Past Life Regression

Difference Between Past Life Regression and Age Regression

 

Image Courtesy: Ambro @ freedigitalphotos

More on Past Life Regression Therapy

In the last post we have seen how Past Life Regression Therapy works. Now let’s explore root causes. As I said, past life regression is done for the purpose of pinpointing the root cause to the problem and resolving it. Root causes are unique to each problem and person. However, they can be broadly classified based on the consequences they cause.

Some root causes create karmic debts. By karma, most people seem to think it is some kind of punishment or tit-for-tat situation. That depends on our perspective. As long as we see karma as punishment, we cannot get out of the situation nor accept it fully. But karma is also an opportunity to learn. Think of it this way – a school student can see his learning process as a grueling torture or as an opportunity to learn something new. The perspective alters their experience. And if you notice, unless the learning is completed, we will only repeat similar experiences that also worsen with each repetition. The worsening part is due to our increasing frustration and

In some past life therapy sessions, we get root causes that have become emotional triggers, meaning they are incidents of emotional trauma that become associated with strong reactions in us, and every time similar situation occurs in our current lives it triggers off same strong reactions. Shortly put, it is a strong emotional habit. For instance, many psychosomatic diseases like asthma, stress-based psoriasis, etc. are triggered in similar ways. Physical reactions are caused by cellular memories. Each cell of our body seems to have a capacity to hold limited memory in the way of physical reactions like pain or other dysfunctions. Whenever a strong emotional situation occurs the simultaneous reactions of the body are deeply etched into the cellular memories. And when similar emotions are evoked, the cells throw up the physical reactions. Hence, the cases where people who have died of drowning in the past seem to have asthmatic attacks in face of severe threat (both physical and mental) to their survival.

Some past life regressions root causes are oaths, vows, and contracts. We sometimes feel so strongly about something or someone that we enter into very strong contracts or take serious oaths. These seem to have their effects carried into our future lives until we revoke them consciously.

In the next post we shall look at requirements for a successful past life regression therapy both in terms of therapist and the client’s responsibilities.

Suggested Readings:

What is Karmic Debt?

Karmic Debt of a Housewife – A Case Study

Are Past Lives True?

How does a Past Life Therapy work?

Past Life Therapy has become quite popular these days because of its recent promotion in the television. As a hypnotherapist many clients call me just for Past Life Regression. Initiated in India by ‘Raaz Pichle Janam Ka’ in Hindi, it was later remade into many regional languages including Mun Jenmam in Tamil. The therapists all over the metros started getting enquiries about past life regression including in Chennai. But how does a Past Life Regression Therapy work?

There is a general assumption that by recalling past life memories, we see the roots of current life problems and hence it helps us resolve the problem from its core. The assumption is true but let us go into it in more detail.

When a client undergoes past life regression, there is always a goal (obvious…but is it?) – to resolve a problem in the current life. The stress on goal is important because some times, in the excitement of ‘seeing’ past life memories, the clients can tend to become enthusiastic about therapy itself than the goal, which will only lead to waste of money and time.

So a client is regressed to those past life memories which are the root cause for current life’s problems. The problem could be a phobia, a relationship issue (marital problems, parent child relationship), resentment or jealousy issues, sexuality issues, certain physical conditions (Psychosomatic diseases), etc.

The therapeutic goal of a Past Life Regression is not to make the client ‘relive’ the memories and trauma but to simply find what the real problem is. You see, when a client comes with a problem to be resolved, a therapist never sees that as a problem but as a symptom for a root problem.

Think of it this way. You approach a doctor with fever, headache and other symptoms. The doctor would never give you a paracetamol; in fact, you would have gone to a doctor after having tried your own medication. The doctor’s goal is to find out what’s causing the fever and other symptoms in the first place.

The same is the case here. The client is having the current problem as a symptom of a deeper root cause. Sometimes those roots may lie in past lives. Hence the diagnostic tool Past Life Regression Therapy. Just like the doctor may find a malarial parasite or some virus as a cause for the symptoms, past life regression will help you find the root problem. Once the root cause is found, the client needs to focus their attention on it. For this root cause is the reason why the client is having certain problems in current life.

Past Life Therapy is not just a great diagnostic tool it is also a powerful therapeutic technique. Once the root cause is found one of the two things happen; in some cases the problem comes down by itself. The mind works out the solution as soon as the root cause is recalled. There is a certain ‘automatic release’ that happens as soon as the root cause becomes apparent to the subconscious. This can be seen in cases of phobias or psychosomatic diseases mostly, though I have seen such results even in cases of relationship and other issues too. The problem may be resolved fully or it may come down to a manageable level.

But do not expect this dramatic change to happen in every case. In other cases, the therapist and the client now work towards resolving the root problem. It may be a few more sessions still before the client starts seeing resolution and positive changes.

In the next article, I will explain about what kind of root causes may come up and also the right mental attitude and other conditions required of the client for a successful past life regression therapy to happen.

What Should Be and What Is – The Eternal Human Conflict

Every problem that we face no matter how big or small it is arises out of the conflict between our ‘What Should Be’ and what is.

  • When we are on the track of ‘What Is’ and focus on the tracks ‘What Should Be’ …accidents happen.

    I should have my keys! I lost my keys!

  • My car shouldn’t have a flat tire! It does!
  • I should be getting more income! I am getting less!
  • My neighbor should mind his own business! He doesn’t!
  • My wife should do all the household chores! She isn’t!
  • My husband should support me financially! He isn’t!
  • My spouse should understand me! The spouse doesn’t!
  • My son should get better marks! He isn’t!
  • My daughter should dress properly! She doesn’t!
  • My parents should give me more freedom! They aren’t!
  • I should be healthy! I am diseased!
  • She should have been alive! She’s dead!

All the clients that ever came to me, all the problems I ever sought to resolve in my life – everything came down to a conflict between ‘What Should Be’ and what is.

No matter what help we resort to for our troubles, be it Allopathy, Ayurveda, Reiki, Hypnotherapy, Self-Help books, Psychological Counselors, a well-wisher’s advice, Angel Therapy, Cognitive Therapy, Critical Analysis, Astrology, Chakra Healing, Divination, it is always because we cannot accept what is and we have a ‘What Should Be’ in our head.

But have we ever once stopped to question our very ‘What Should Be’ beliefs?

Have we ever once thought why can we not simply accept what is?

We are so caught up in the denying, resisting, fighting with, attempting to change the ‘what is’ that we never for once sat back and asked ourselves why should anything be any other way that it is! We never questioned the standards! We never thought why can’t we simply accept what is!

Which standard says that human being should be healthy always? Is that a biological law? If it is, why, then, aren’t we always healthy? Why then must we die?

Who said that relationships must be the way we expect them to be? Is it a natural law of the universe? Don’t you realize that your relationship is lousy just because you are trying to make the other person confirm to your expectations of that role?

When you look deeper into the problem, we find that all the ‘What Should Be’ beliefs are all acquired standards. We picked them up in the process of growing up and learning to cope with this world. They are all mere beliefs. Yet they become our moral and social commandments of life. We seek to fulfill them at the cost of sacrificing who we are.

Some may say it is a conflict between ‘What I Want’ and what is. I’ve noticed ‘What I Want’ is either defined by ‘What Should Be’ or it becomes that.

The roots go deeper still until they touch our very egos. But we never want to go that deep. We just want to be on the surface and depend on our ‘What Should Be’s to define our happiness.

The truth is there is greater freedom in learning to accept what is. That does not mean we cannot or must not change what is. But in learning to accept, we lose our ‘What Should Be’ and then what needs to be actually done for the situation will become clear. It might be changing the situation or it might be simply being in the acceptance. In some cases if we accept the situation, the situation changes without any apparent effort on our part (except for the acceptance, of course).

Isn’t accepting everything that comes a loser’s way?

Where did you get your definition of losing and success from? Merely another ‘What Should Be’ standard!

And if we accept a situation just because the situation will change by acceptance, then we are still hanging on to a ‘What Should Be’.

Next time you have an issue just, for once, try accepting the reality of what is.

What do I mean by acceptance? Just be! Stop resisting. Just be. And see what happens!

Remember, when you are accepting, you must really let go of your ‘What Should Be’ for that particular situation. Otherwise, you are merely pretending to accept. You still haven’t come down into the reality.

Further Reading:

Emotional Drama

It’s Too Late Now

2012: The year of Freewill and Choice

Photo Courtesy: freedigitalphotos

Emotional Drama: Our Addiction to Issues

The subconscious has a penchant for emotional drama. It likes to repeat the daily dramas it has because it the only known way for the subconscious to cope with issues. However, such a repetition can quickly become an addiction and instead of seeking to resolve emotional issues, the subconscious manipulates situations to repeat the emotional dramas. Such emotional dramas are a severe threat to your relationships, personal development, general well-being, peace of mind, and material progress.

Just like us, our subconscious too has a penchant for emotional drama. It prefers to involve itself in the drama of everyday life, or at times, it seeks to create drama out of everyday life! Drama excites us and keeps us alive but at the same time it has the potential to turn into a noose around the neck that holds us from resolving our issues in life and successfully moving ahead.

When we get used to experiencing certain emotions in certain ways we like to repeat that whole emotional graph – of the emotional involvement, the peaking of emotion and the subsequent decline of it. For instance, when a housewife approaches her husband about asking him to let her go to her parents’ place (not considering the fact that she can actually inform and discuss instead of seeking permission) and the husband refuses, the wife goes through an emotional experience of feeling frustration, then helplessness, intermittent sobbing, grousing, finally fighting with the husband and then gaining permission. Now as this cycle repeats itself, the subconscious becomes not only habituated to this emotional graph but also comes to prefer it. The entire emotional experience has become that woman’s comfort zone.

So next time the wife makes a similar request of the husband, the subconscious not only expects the refusal but also wants it badly so it can go through the whole emotional drama again. We are not aware of this at a conscious level. Instead of trying to find a simpler and happier solution for the problem, she is geared to fight, cry, grouse, and pull her hair. And the subconscious has the ability to make true any belief put into it. So everything from the tone of voice to the facial expressions and the timing of her approach is aimed towards inviting conflict instead of resolution.

To give another example, a teenage son can become so used to quarrelling with his father, breaking household items, running out of the house, drinking, and complaining to a sympathetic friend, that he will always approach the problem with the intent of going through the entire graph. Likewise, a father used to beating his head and chest over his children’s misdemeanours and shouting at the wife for bad parenting, always invites such situations into his life. He seeks to vent out his frustrations through these emotional exertions. A girl letting her frustrations take over every time she nears her periods, a disgruntled employee complaining over the unfair load of work allotted to him – let’s face it, we love the emotional drama! Don’t we all love to get drowned in the sadness of Kishore Kumar’s melancholic songs?

Even the stoic suffering of a chronic patient, sacrificial demeanour of an overburdened head of family, silent sobs of a lonely dumped girl, need for mental stimulation for intellectuals, philosophies of loners, impulsive violent outbursts, patriotic fervours all have the dangerous potential to turn into loops of emotional drama.

Why does our subconscious love this drama? To put in simple terms; for the subconscious mind the known is pleasurable and the unknown is painful. When we get used to these emotional dramas it becomes the known way of dealing with crisis. So the subconscious prefers to repeat this than to expend resources on being creative and more constructive. A new approach is unknown and hence fearful.

The more we seek the drama, the deeper we go down the rabbit hole. And this rabbit hole is neither metaphorically therapeutic nor liberating in any sense. The hole is an abyss of self pity or self hatred – a dangerous path of escapism and destruction. The deeper we go, stronger the impulse to ‘play’ the drama.

If our conscious need to get out of crisis is real, then we need to identify dramas of our lives and resist successfully the emotional temptation and the nervous impulse to ‘act out’. Then seek better and harmonious solutions to our problems.

Remember, contrary to conventional thought, it is never too late. You just need to be desperate enough for change and you can extricate yourself out of any rabbit holes and spider webs of life! Get desperate now!

Photo Courtesy: Freedigitalphotos

Suggested Reading:

Mind Drama

It’s Too Late Now

Frustration: Shortcut to Failure

Fighting Parents and Nervous Children

It’s too late now!

Understand, if you are saying ‘it’s too late’ for any change, it simply means you are comfortable being miserable or are too afraid to change. Probably it’s both! Click on title to read more…

Time – our excuse to escape change! But can we escape?

“Yes, there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run
There’s still time to change the road you’re on
And it makes me wonder” Stairway to Heaven

I hear this often from a lot of clients:

“I can’t change my career path…it’s too late for that!”

“I can’t change! It’s too late now!”

“I can’t get married anymore, I’m too old marriage!”

“Our relationship cannot change. It’s too late!”

Then why do you even come for therapy?

If you feel it’s too late, then accept your fate and learn to like it! If not, change your fate!

When we see a beautiful image on Facebook with a quote that reads “It’s never too late to change who you are!”, we immediately click like, share it to the world, and feel smug about it. But when it comes to our own lives we always have the excuse “It’s too late!”

We all know it’s never too late. We are so comfortable in our uncomfortable and fearful existence that we do not want to come out of it. Hence the excuse ‘it’s too late’.

Remember, the day you said ‘it’s too late’ is the day you decided shirk responsibility for your issues. You just want to stay where you are because it gives you the perfect opportunity to grumble, snort, sneer, cry,  complain, and be miserable. You both like where you are and are too much of a coward to change who you are.

Every moment in life is a perfect opportunity for change and in fact, life makes sure you keep getting opportunities one after the other after the other just to help you change. But as the old saying goes, you can take a horse to the lake but you cannot make it drink, the decision to take action is yours!

I have had a client in his late 60’s who was ready to dig up and deal with childhood issues and gave up his 40 year old addiction of tobacco chewing. I have also had a 25 year old client who told me it was too late to learn to deal with his colleagues in office and walked out of my room and six months later he hung himself to death!

Choose where you want to be! Now is a perfect opportunity to change! 

Suggested Readings:

Comparing a 5th Grader with a Post Graduate?

House of Cards Effect

Social Averages

Picture Courtesy: Salvatore Vuono from freedigitalphotos.net

Food for Thought – what you eat affects your mental state! A practical experiment!

A simple practical experiment to find out for yourself how your junk food influences your emotions, moods, and energy levels!

What we eat influences our moods! But can we control our monkey minds from junk food temptation?

A simple practical experiment to find out for yourself how your food influences your emotions!

There are already lots of posts on the internet on how the food we eat affects our moods and attitudes day to day. I am not going to go into detailed exposition about it. Instead here’s a simple and easy technique to realize the truth about it yourself. This technique is to find the effect of junk food over your mind as well as the body. This technique also helps you detoxify your system.

The technique involves two steps.

Step 1: Stop all junk food for a period of 30 days. Junk food involves all packaged food like chips, kurkure, chocolates, chewing gums, etc. Avoid all sodas, cool drinks and colas. Also avoid outside hotel food as much as possible including chat items and other fast food.

Drink a lot of water every day during that period of 30 days if you want to flush toxins out of system. You may notice some changes in your moods, emotions, and energy levels. Or you may not. Doesn’t matter at this point of time.

Step 2: This step lasts for a week after step 1. So after the 30 days of strict diet regulation, start eating all the junk food you are used to including chat items, sodas and colas, chips and kurkure, etc. The changes you will notice are too obvious to ignore or disregard as your imagination. You will find dramatic fluctuations in moods, emotions and energy levels apart from physical issues like indigestion, elevated body heat levels, etc.

After a week, you can decide for yourself whether to continue consuming junk food or not.

I’ve noticed experiential knowledge is the best kind of knowledge to be had. I accidentally discovered this technique when I tried to give up junk food and was tempted after four weeks of strict self-control.

So let me not tell you anything more about ill-effects of junk food. Realize the truth for yourself! It gives you the motivation and strength to stay off junk food.

Photo Courtesy: nuttakit @ freedigitalphotos.net

Mind Drama

Mind Drama is the dramatic argument we sometimes have with our subconscious. It is a trick played on us by our subconscious in order to keep our defenses intact. But since every goal of therapy is break down self-limiting defenses, we need to learn how to get out of these Mind Dramas.

The trick of our subconscious to lure us into arguments with it and how to get out of such situations.

When conscious and subconscious start arguing Mind Drama happens

We all experience certain negative emotions that are difficult to control or remove. It is true, probably, that we can never be entirely free of our anger, envy, jealousy, fear, and other negative emotions. However, for some people some of these negative emotions become too much of a problem. For instance, some people seem to be inherently jealous of everyone. Some are always fearful. Some are very short tempered. Each of these person faces a tough time in controlling these emotions.

One of the reasons these are difficult to control is because our subconscious mind plays a trick on us. I call it the Mind Drama. Remember the times when you had an emotional internal argument with yourself? One part of you would want to control the negative emotion while the other part of the mind keeps giving arguments to support your negative emotion. This is mind drama – a dramatic conversation that you run with your subconscious.

For instance, you hear a friend of yours has been promoted. You suddenly start feeling jealous and insecure. A part of your mind keeps giving reasons why your friend does not deserve that promotion or it keeps comparing you with your friend and says you are better than him and so on. You try to negate these thoughts by arguing with that part of the mind. No matter how the argument ends you only succeed in suppressing those emotions for the time being.

The trick that the subconscious plays here is luring us into the argument, because no matter what is the outcome of the argument, the subconscious wins. It has won the moment you began arguing with your subconscious.

You may ask why does our subconscious throw up these emotions in us or support it. The answer is that the emotions are coming up because of some root belief and the subconscious supports it because it cannot discriminate what is right or wrong. It just makes true the belief. In the above example, the person could be jealous because of some security issues in past where they formed a limiting belief about their progress or capacity. Hence they see everybody else’s progress as a threat to their growth.

So what is the solution for this Mind Drama?

Simple, don’t get into one! Just refuse to let your subconscious pull you into the argument. And if you suddenly find yourself in a Mind Drama, simply get out of it.

Understand the subconscious will try everything to tempt you into the Mind Drama. It will bring up the most provocative arguments and juicy imagination. Just remain firm. And keep getting out of the dramas whenever you find yourself already into it.

By getting out of them consistently, you slowly gain control over your subconscious in that area and it starts co-operating with you. You will also be clear on your core issue instead of being misled into petty issues. You will have more time to focus on finding and resolving your core beliefs.

Suggested Articles: Anger vs Me, House of Cards Effect, Frustration, the Shortcut to Failure

Photo Courtesy: Stuart Miles @freedigitalphotos

The House of Cards Effect

We usually think our effort to change is like building a house of cards. And let this house of cards come tumbling down twice, we quickly become dejected and give up. I call this the House of Cards Effect and nothing could be further from truth.

Keep PersistingMany people think that their effort to change is like building a house of cards. The moment a setback occurs they assume the house of cards has come down collapsing, and their effort towards the change was wasted. After a few attempts at rebuilding the house of cards, they finally give up and assume that they cannot change. I call it the House of Cards Effect. And they cannot be further from truth.

The truth is that nobody can go back to square one ever. Any person working to resolve a personal problem is constantly moving forward. Each and every effort we put in counts, it makes us wiser and is never wasted. Of course, the pace of change depends on how ready is the person to learn from a setback, how deep the problem is, and other factors.

The real setback comes when we think we that we have gone back to square one and all the effort that we invested has gone waste. That becomes a convenient excuse for our subconscious to give up and sink back into the problem deeper than ever. The subconscious is very reluctant to come out of its comfort zone and the resistance increases when we start venturing into a previously unknown territory. So when we start working on a particular problem, we are training our subconscious to move out of usual known behaviour to a new behaviour pattern. So it does its best to stop us from getting out of our comfort zone.

The moment we think all our efforts have gone to waste, we quickly become convinced that we are naturally flawed and we can do nothing to change it. This gives our subconscious the perfect opportunity to revert back to its old behaviour. And the very negative thought becomes a self-suggestion for us and helps us settle deeper into our problem.

But as I said, no effort of ours is wasted and we need to develop an attitude of continued effort until we succeed. This attitude will keep us barging ahead in spite of setbacks and challenges. In fact after a few setbacks, with this attitude, we will actually be looking forward to challenges because we would have realized every challenge is an opportunity to learn and grow.

I found this approach very helpful in my practise. Clients quickly find this attitude encouraging and there is also a renewed acceleration in healing.

Compulsive Overeating: An Addiction!

Compulsive overeating is an addiction just like smoking, drinking, drugs, etc. Overeaters suffer from excess low self esteem, severe guilt, and lots of emotional hurt. Hypnotherapy can be very effective in treating not only this condition but also the low self image, the guilt, and also help the client deal with his emotional hurt!

Typically, a food addict will usually eat when he is not hungry and they go beyond the point of being full. Compulsive eating bouts are most usually followed by bouts of guilt, frustration and depression. Compulsive overeaters are often addicts just like any smoker, drinker or a drug addict. Their substance of addiction may be different but the ill-effects of the addiction are as worse as any other substance abuse. Overeating can lead to many complications beginning from obesity to heart troubles. And the mental troubles are ten-fold. Apart from the guilt that wrecks the person, overeaters will usually carry a lot of emotional hurt and an excess of low self esteem.

So what causes overeating? Medical conditions apart, some overeaters, like any other addicts, operate out of a void and this they seek to fill with eating whenever possible. In other cases, overeaters can be wrapping themselves  in layers of fat to ‘insulate’ themselves from emotional hurts and other traumatic events. The roots of these lay in the past – usually childhood. What begins initially as eating whenever they are idle, the habit soon changes into gorging themselves when they are upset. And some also eat when they are tensed.

Compulsive overeating can be very effectively dealt with Hypnotherapy. The therapy is very similar to the treatment used for any other addiction when the client is found to be operating out of void. In case of the roots being in traumatic events in the past, classic regression methods are very effective.

It may take anywhere between 3 and 10 sessions to treat compulsive overeating. However, it has to be understood that the client would not become physically slender by the end of the therapy. The treatment is for compulsive overeating and to lose weight the client would have to undertake regular exercises and other natural means to lose weight. But, yes, the suggestions would be given to the subconscious to let go of the extra layers of fat.

Why do some people become addictive to other substances after being ‘cured’ of one addiction?

This happens when the first addiction is removed without dealing with the actual void in that person. Unless the void within the addict is dealt with, he will simply move from one addiction to another or in some cases revert back to the old addiction after a few weeks or months. Any good hypnotherapist will first deal with the void.

How to remove addictions through Hypnotherapy?

Addictions can be effectively and permanently cured once the void behind the addictions is successfully identified and resolved.

Addictions like smoking, drinking, drugs, shopping, porn browsing, etc are effectively escape mechanisms that a person indulges in so as to avoid facing the core issue in his life. Addicts suffer from low self esteem or similar personal issues and thus feel a void within them. Addictions are formed because it helps the addict to temporarily fill that void with something more pleasurable.

But soon, the addiction will only help increase the feeling of void within and by that time the person has developed dependency on the addiction and he cannot live without it.

It is this void that has to be dealt with and any good Hypnotherapist does that first. Once the void is addressed the addiction can be easily cured even with simple suggestions.