Purple Room Healing is now in Hyderabad with Reiki Healing and Reiki Workshops only. Currently our services include:
Reiki Healing for
Physical Diseases like Diabetes, Allergies, Blood Pressure, Joint or Body Pains, Migraine Headaches, Asthma, Arthritis, Spondylitis, Stress Relief, etc.
Emotional and Relationship Issues
For Appointment and other queries contact: Geetha Pallavi Reiki Master – William Lee Rand
There come many opportunities in a person’s life when they can choose to follow their hearts or continue living in fears and insecurities of the mind. We (Geetha and I) have passed through quite a few and perhaps there lie a few more ahead of us. Most of the times, our choice was of the heart but once in a while we let our fears cloud us and keep us in the same of loop of suffering. We are once more at one such juncture in our lives.
This time the choice was unhesitating and simultaneous for both of us. Now, we’ve both come to a clear realization that further and truer healing cannot happen with conventional therapy but rather through a deeper introspection and awareness. And stepping into pure present moment awareness means we cannot avoid stepping into the unknown that follows it immediately. And to do that we realized we simply have to put in more faith into the life within and trust it to take care of us. And we are doing that. We are going away together to explore and experiment in deeper and truer healing. And, as usual with our lives so far, the experiment is first on us. We didn’t have to go away to let this healing happen, but the moment the realization to heal deeper came for us the universe opened doors for a perfect space to heal!
As a result, we are both taking a long sabbatical and we are closing Purple Room Healing for the public. The leave is for at least six months. The blog and all its articles will still be available for you all. We are also opening a site and another blog to share our onward (and inward) journey and to write about the practice of awareness. We will announce them here soon once we have made the physical transition to our new home and personal healing space.
Thank you all clients and friends who made this journey with us. We learnt a lot from each of you and we hope each of you had equally benefited through the help we could extend.
“The only freedom we’ve got is not to react to anything, but to turn within and know the truth.” – Robert Adams
How many straight lines can we draw from a dot? Infinite. It means there is infinite number of viewpoints from which you can see a dot. How many straight lines can we draw connecting two dots? Only one. And this line can be further projected on any side of the dots to predict the occurrence of similar dots. This is funnel vision. As our mind connects similar experiences (dots) across time, it tends to project a future with narrowed possibilities and diminishing joy. Think of it as an inverted funnel place in front of our eyes, like eyeglasses, and we can see only through the small opening at the base of the funnel.
Funnel Effect is common to all of us and most of us fail to recognize its presence and effect upon our lives. Our minds have infinite capacities to bring to us (or take us into) those experiences that prove our existing beliefs. For instance, if a girl believes that all her romantic relationships would end in the man dumping her then that is all she will experience or fight against one relationship after the other. After a few relationships, she may form a new belief that all men are untrustworthy. And she then continues to attract herself into hands of such men. And if she chances upon a trustworthy relationship, her funnel vision can cause her to remain suspicious of the man in her life and can even end up in severing the relationship out of her inability to trust him.
What this girl, in this instance, fails to understand is that her first incident of heartbreak had become the base out of which she operated in the next experiences. Either she would want the same outcome if it makes her happy, or she would want to avoid the outcome if it had suffered her. The very pain has become a yardstick of measure for her. And even the very first experience could have been attracted due to an underlying feeling of undeservedness and poor self-image she had experienced in childhood.
The problem with this emotional approach is that the emotions can make a mere possibility seem a certainty thus creating an anticipation and preparedness – a narrowing of our vision. Naturally when the situation occurs we interpret it through our narrowed or filtered vision and give out prepared reactions only to regret later on. Sometimes the narrowed viewpoint is so strong that we may not even realize our misinterpretation for long.
Our rational mind is also not free from such bias or funnel vision. In fact, it can have more devastating effects in some cases. When a logical mind has to make predictions about an event, it always estimates possibilities based on past similar experiences in our lives or other’s. But all data from past is based not on reality but on the memory of the experience of the reality – either ours or of others around us. That’s like mistaking twice adulterated milk to be pure milk.
Another problem with rational mind is its blind reliance on science. There is an excellent dialogue from the movie Men in Black that beautifully illustrates this problem. Tommy Lee Jones makes this statement to Will Smith after Smith’s first experience with an alien being: “Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew the Earth was the center of the universe. Five hundred years ago, everybody knew the Earth was flat, and fifteen minutes ago, you knew that humans were alone on this planet. Imagine what you’ll know tomorrow.”
A logical mind concludes often fails to understand what it ‘knows’ could be just one, its personal, version of reality and not the truth.
Logical mind kills joy because of its tendency to be too controlling. Emotional mind increases pain because of its tendency to indulge. Funnel vision causes this to become reality of the future. Think of it as series of dots joined by a line, only the mind did not just create the line but it even ended up creating the dot after dot in its life based on its past prejudices.
When experiences in our lives become our beliefs, we undergo a gradual narrowing of our vision and philosophy in our lives to such extent that all we get to experience of life is but a tiniest fraction of its wondrous spectrum of possibilities. We trace a path of suffering, struggle, and strife ahead of us and end up living it just because we assumed a possibility to be a certainty.
So how do we get rid of this funnel in front of our eyes? By first acknowledging its presence. Unless we know our vision is narrow, we will remain the proverbial frog in a well that thinks the well is the whole universe.
The second step is to learn to be in the moment instead of simply accepting the viewpoint our thoughts portray based on our past memories. We cannot stop the funnel vision from giving extremely convincing viewpoints. But we can stop ourselves from entirely believing the viewpoints and being open to the present moment as if it were our first experience. And that is also the truth. No matter how many times we may have experienced events similar to the current situations we are in, we have never experienced this moment before.
We can color this moment and make it as painful as the past with our complicit acceptance of the funnel vision. Or we can simply let every moment become a fresh experience by paying attention to this moment to see what we can experience this time. When we remain absolutely open to the moment, life can surprise us with new joys and experiences that we never had before. Deeper doors within us can open up making us more sensitive to the wonders of life. And this also serves to widen our visions and eventually get rid of the funnel effect altogether.
When a cat from one side of the earth is introduced to the other side of the planet, it can still very well communicate with cats there. It can express its annoyance, pleasure, needs, and displeasure with the ‘local’ cats as easily as it was a native there. So can dogs, birds, rats, monkeys, and probably all creatures on this planet – all except humans.
Humans are the only creatures on this planet that have a difficulty communicating in distant lands. With our language barriers we have truly made most parts of the earth ‘foreign’ to us. This raises so many questions. Why is this so with the most intelligent beings on the earth? Does that actually prove we are, after all, not as intelligent as we believe? And what then, is the true human language? And is there one?
Let us imagine ourselves in a past where humans were yet to invent spoken language. What do you think have been our mode of communication then? We probably used our bodies and the small range of sounds our throats could reproduce then. Have you ever tried communicating with just your body and ‘unintelligible’ sounds? (The reason why I put ‘unintelligible’ in quotes is because they aren’t actually unintelligible like we are led to believe). Try this out as an experiment.
The truth is we all communicate more with our bodies and ‘unintelligible’ sounds than with spoken language. But we have only consciously trained ourselves to listen and respond to constructed language. How often do you find an impression forming in your mind about a person as soon as you saw the person? Very often, if not, always. How are you able to do that?
Today this innate ability to communicate is largely ignored and a fraction of it is categorized under a topic called non-verbal communication and is taught in workshops. Most such trainings tell us about how to manipulate and create false impressions through use of body language in business and relationships space.
So why is it so important to tap into this innate communication ability? Because at the subconscious level our mind doesn’t think in English, or any of our native constructed languages! In fact, at a deeper level thoughts and actions (the execution of those thoughts) happen simultaneously. There is no inherent difference between them. Such a difference is only apparent at a conscious thought level.
We are constantly communicating our intentions, thoughts, and emotions through our bodies and other subtler means of communication and we are missing out on that large chunk of human communication. Animals, on the other hand, survive and thrive on that natural language system. And that is not an area where we can proudly boast of our superiority over other known creatures on earth. It makes us deeply disconnected with each other as well as our connection with the rest of the natural world around us.
How many times relationships go sour just because they people involved didn’t have an ‘open communication’? They didn’t ‘talk’ about it. How come there are no betrayals and heartbreaks in the animal world? That animals cannot feel love is not an acceptable answer. I am not saying constructed language is the problem. In fact it can even be a better solution. Would I be able to communicate all of this without a constructed language? One major problem is the neglect of our natural language of body and mind.
Today speaking through a constructed language seems natural. But think of it for a moment. Unless you learn the meaning of a word in a particular language can you understand when it is being used. How many times you found a language funny or ridiculous because you don’t understand the meaning of the words? Because stripped of its given meaning, it is just another random sound that the vocal chords have produced.
But how many times have you noticed a friend’s or family member’s face and immediately understood they weren’t feeling good? Natural communication is built into us that we often grossly neglect or misuse. I do not want to call this body language or non-verbal communication (though sometimes I do that for the sake of avoiding lengthy explanations). That sort of makes it sound secondary to primary communication. Of course that is true in today’s world of verbal communication.
The primary reason why I don’t want to use those terms is because what we teach or learn in the name of body language or non-verbal communication is barely a fraction of the natural communication ability we possess. Some of our communication systems are so disused that it needs a certain amount of working on them to bring them back to their full capacity.
Have you noticed that a lot of ego clashes in economic and social situations occur even before any words are spoken by the parties involved?
Think of this – how does a wild monkey know when to supplement its largely vegetarian diet with insects and rodents to maintain an adequate protein levels in its system? And how come we need a specialist using special equipment to tell us that same thing? How does a monkey or any other creature listen to and follow those signals within? This too is an area of communication – of body to conscious mind. This area of natural communication has been pushed into an area of intuition or spirituality and we stress the importance of outward learning through constructed language as the primary.
So is our true language is of the body and the mind? Probably. When you explore your mind and body systems deeper through observation of self, we find silence, strange as it might sound, is probably our natural communication system. Not the kind of pregnant silence that we find in embarrassing situations but a pure and absolute silence devoid of any meaning. They say the most successful communication happens when you listen. In absolute silence we gain an ability to really know what our bodies are telling us, and even what others are going through. This is also the space which spiritual saints say reveals our true nature to us, but that is another topic altogether.
Though all may not definitively accept the impact of natural language of body and mind over spoken and written language, none of us can deny its presence. And unless we learn to ‘tune’ into it and learn to understand its impact, we are losing out on a significant part of human communication and connection.
Parental peer pressure is often a neglected and unacknowledged influence that exerts adverse effects on parents and even more so on their children. Often, the consequence of this pressure such as driving children to perform more in academics, sports, and arts is seen as a desirable trait than a deplorable reality.
Usually peer pressure is associated with children, teenagers, and in areas of academics and profession. But it is never acknowledged in other roles that adults take up, such as parenting. But if we observe closely, we notice that a significant part of parental behavior is dictated by their peers and programmed beliefs about how a parent ought to behave.
In these cases, the peers include neighbors, relatives, and friends with children. Even parents of the parents become peers. As always peer pressure, even more so in parenting, too is an unacknowledged but undeniable powerful force that influence that often leads to adverse effects than any benefits.
Peer pressure in parenting leads each parent to imitate a peer of theirs, mislead by the assumption that such behavior is idealistic and is best for the child. But unfortunately, what’s best for one child is need not be so for another.
The pressure felt by parents is often shown on the children with adverse effects on them. Severe restrictions and impossible goals are laid upon the child, all under the guise of ensuring the child’s future when it is actually peer pressure for the parent. And any failure on the part of the child to comply with the rules and goals are met with punishment measures ranging from mild to severe. More the pressure a parent lets in from peers the more severe the restrictions or punishments for the child.
Parents begin to compare their child with other children, thus effectively creating peer pressure for the child. A child’s performance at school, sports, arts, or even casual play becomes the parent’s measure of success in parenting and thus a personal connection between the child’s so called successes and parent’s identity is established. The child becomes an object and an instrument through which a parent can establish his/her identity and success amidst peers.
In cases where the parents of parents become the peers it is often in a context of dissociation from the peer group, meaning the parents do not want to raise their children as their parents raised them. This, in view of the parents and other peers, is seen as a positive behavior. Unfortunately it is not so. This viewpoint again places the need of the parent to prove to be a better parent over the actual needs of the child. It also presupposes that since the parent’s upbringing was bad the opposite behavior is good.
I have had cases where peer pressure has led the parents to discriminate their children on even their physical appearance. Parents scolding or even physically assault their children for their weight issues, and their sicknesses.
Abuse of the child is common, especially in countries like India. The parent specifically requesting the teachers to punish their child to make her/him perform is even sometimes seen as a desirable parenting trait than a deplorable reality.
Of course every parent wants the best for their child, but the problem lies in blindly accepting the established norms or choices of peers is the best for their child.
On the other extreme, parents who have become the model peers succumb to the pressure of maintaining that social image and, as a result, cause suffering to themselves and their children.
Peer pressure makes it easy for a parent to fall prey to manipulation by others. For instance it is easy to lead such parents to believe certain lifestyles, products, and services are better for their child’s welfare. The best example in this context is micro-chipping of school uniforms – a proposal, and a reality in some schools, in countries like the US, Brazil, and the UK. A local example would be the marketing of certain food products for children which promise a ready performance improvement in the child’s performance when their products are consumed.
Peer pressure in parenting can only be changed when its presence is first acknowledged by the parent and then realizing that it only exerts an adverse influence on the parent and the child. Peer pressure is not about pressure from outside. It always occurs when adults compare themselves to their peers due to some existing feeling of lack within or out of fear of failure.
In a significant amount of cases where parents bring their children to hypnotherapy, the child’s problem is born out of parental pressure. I have also had cases where the child has absolutely no issues, but the parent is coercing the child into behaving the way the parent wants. In these cases, the parents are not even willing to listen to the fact the problem lies with them rather than with their children.
Try this simple exercise: Stand before a mirror. Looking at your image in the mirror and ask yourself if you can genuinely say yes to the following questions:
Can you completely accept the person you see in the mirror with all the person’s faults and limitations? Can you absolutely forgive the person in the mirror for all the sins and mistakes in the person’s past? Can you love that person unconditionally? Can you approve that person’s behavior and personality?
If you genuinely try this exercise a few times you will realize it difficult to say yes from the bottom of your heart to all of the above questions.
But try this exercise again with a small change.
Imagine that person in the mirror to be your brother, sister, a parent, a child, your best friend, or someone you love very much. Now ask the same questions above. You will notice you can now actually say yes to all of them quite easily and willingly.
Now look at the person in the mirror again and answer this following question:
How many times have you scolded or disapproved of that person for something or the other on the past? How many times have you become angry with that person in the past? If you verbalized your disapproval and anger you showed at yourself to another person say your brother, sister, a parent, a child, a friend or someone you love very much, would it not constitute abuse? Would it not be such worst abuse that you become legally punishable?
The answer in most cases is an ashamed yes.
Think back to all the times you hated yourself and shouted at yourself and you will know the answer for yourself.
We all carry an inner critic – a hard-to-please, strict disciplinarian. There is no pleasing this critic. The problem is in attempting it. Sometimes we hear it as the voice of our parent in our head, sometimes it is the voice of a neighbor, a peer, a boss, spouse, and at other times it is just our voice. We can forgive others for their shortcomings easily but we always are unforgiving perfectionists when it comes to ourselves. And that paves the shortest route to ruin and suffering.
Self Abuse is the most rampant of all issues and unless we can each learn to deal with our opinion of ourselves everything we do in our daily lives will only increase our insecurities.
Do the mirror exercise every day. Simply stand before the mirror and say that you accept the person in the mirror, forgive that person, affirm that you love that person, and approve of that person. Keep doing it until you can do it without any inner hesitation or emotions blocking you.
There are so many versions of mirror exercises out there in the web. In spite of the variations, the goal is same, absolute self-acceptance.
How would you know you have accepted yourself? When you notice you are no longer abusing yourself with mental, verbal, and physical self-destructive behavior. The day you stop chiding yourself for every small thing in your life, you have truly reached a state of self-acceptance. That day you will also notice a dramatic change in the way people around you treat you.
When people approach me for Hypnotherapy or Reiki Healing for any issue, this is one of the most common exercises we ask them to do. Self image is the area where most often root causes are revealed in regression sessions.
‘My dad would beat me up and tie me to the bed post.’
‘My mother never let me go out with friends because she felt they were not right for me.’
‘My father never had confidence in me.’
‘My parents forced me into this marriage.’
‘Both my mom and dad knew about the abuse I was undergoing, but they didn’t want to lose face in the society. So they did nothing.’
I get clients who had a difficult childhood. Some of them grew with parents who constantly fought with each other, some of them had an over-protective single parent, some of them had very strict parents, and some of them were with parents who hardly acknowledged their presence.
In many ways each of us had trouble with our parents and hated them on more than one occasion. Most of us learn to cope and a very few actually resolve their issues with them. But for some of the clients the childhood would be so bad that they would carry the scars into their adult lives very badly.
Excuse to Ruin Your Life Further
These people blame their parents for their lives being a mess today. They carry the pain and guilt and it practically ruins their lives. Over a period of time this becomes a good excuse to shirk responsibility and avoid facing their fears. It is the new comfort zone – ‘our shell’ so to speak.
Then from a genuine anger it turns into a defence mechanism born out of frustration. After parents they start unconsciously choosing other replacements to blame their frustrations and failures upon.
The Present Is Not the Past
It may be true that they had been through severely traumatic past. But the truth is that such clients have chosen to cling to the past. This is a point where most healing comes to a standstill. In fact this is where most of our lives come to a standstill itself. We have put our present and future on a pause interminably.
No matter how painful the past may have been, choosing to make the best of the present is the only solution. If we can understand that past may have been the time when we were helpless but present is all ours, we can find it easy to realize we are not that helpless afterall. The past never haunts us, we cling to the past for various reasons.
Process of Letting Go
Of course only way to move on is to let go. That means not only letting go of the pains of the past but, more importantly, letting go of past resentments and regrets.
I’ve often seen that resentment, regret, and guilt are the biggest blocks to healing and all progress.
And with clients who are not willing to let go or, in some cases, not even willing to acknowledge they are clinging to the past, all we do is end the therapy for good. We have no choice. The choice rests with the person who is carrying the past.
Adult Is Not A Child
Obvious isn’t. Yet we do not apply it most of the time.
Yes, parents may have been responsible for your low self-opinion in your early childhood. But you are not that child anymore. The truth is that if you are old enough to realize the mistake lies with your parents in your childhood, you are also old enough to understand the mistake now lies with you in choosing to wear the past like a jacket around you.
We all have a choice to make – we can either acknowledge that we are not as bad as we think we are (and nor is our situation) and let go of the past, or we can hang on to live in the past and continue to drive our life in a downward spiral hoping to get our parents to regret and repent their mistakes.
Parents Need To Realize or Suffer
In order to impress upon the parents their suffering, some of us go to the extreme of hurting ourselves and our lives.
A simple understanding here makes it easy to choose the healing path. The person facing the problem today is not the parents but you. The life at stake is not the parents’ but yours.
And the more we try to push our parents to realize the truth through our suffering, the more we are abusing ourselves. It actually has an opposite effect too. It only strengthens parent’s negative viewpoint about us.
Nobody Understands Me
Yes, nobody can, nobody will. And for this precise reason, only we can change our lives.
Suffering is there to tell us we are going the wrong way and need to change our ways. It is not there to tell us to change the world.
Unless they are ready to let go of the past, people who blame their parents, cannot find happiness or satisfaction in life. They think they are willing to sacrifice the happiness too, but the truth is they haven’t. Their lives are caught between trying to punish themselves or their parents and trying to find happiness and peace. The two goals are mutually exclusive. It just gives rise to a traumatic existence and a miserable future.
When people are in any kind of a relationship they start bonding to each other through energetic cords. Think of them as tubes of various sorts connecting one another. There are basically two kinds of cords. Soul level cords – these are cords of love and they cannot be cut. These are soul level connections which share just love between each other. They do not harm the person. The second kind of cords are personality or karmic cords – these are cords that can exert unnecessary influence on each other. They are formed willingly albeit subconsciously. They are formed out of repeated behaviour by the people in relationship or through one major emotional event. For instance, a mother who routinely blames a son for not being good to her and the son allowing those accusations to feed his guilt, forms a cord and the mother could (consciously or unconsciously) use it to manipulate her son. They are also called Karmic cords because they can indicate karmic debts coming from the past.
Each person can have any number of such cords in one relationship itself. Even with the relationship continuing, it is essential to cut these cords because they will make the relationship healthier. It is all the more important that cord cutting is done when the relationship ends.
Benefits of Cord Cutting
Cord cutting improves any relationship. It clears up unhealthy habits between people and helps them form healthier habits in the relationship.
Cord cutting can be done to improve any relationship – parent child, life partners, lovers, past relationships, ex boyfriend girlfriends, friends, sibling, boss subordinate, colleagues, classmates, teacher student, and any other relationships.
It heals you tremendously. You find a huge relief from the emotions you’ve been carrying because of the relationship.
You release a lot of pent up negative emotions that you have been suppressing and carrying around for sometime. Some times, it also releases emotions held up over years.
It clears blocks in relationship issue, especially in your love life. When single people go through many relationship issues in the past they form unconscious blocks and fears about life partners in their life and they start acting out of these fears from the past. This tends to ruin any good future relationship they can potentially form.
It helps you identify hidden motivations in relationships both within self and in others.
Cord cutting gives you the ‘breathing space’ you need. Your behaviour is no longer automatic or compulsive. You will find that you can now change your behaviour easily.
Procedure for Cord Cutting:
It takes about 20-30 min sometimes, so make sure nobody disturbs you for so long. Don’t do this after dark.
Step1 – Relaxation and Creating inner awareness.
Sit or lie down in some quiet place. Focus on your natural breathing.
Now slowly start deep breathing with your focus on your lower lungs and abdomen. Take ten deep breaths.
Follow that by 15 short rapid breaths. These breaths are quick, shallow, and without pause.
Observe the breathing come back to normal breathing.
Step 2 – Activating subconscious and Shielding
Now visualize yourself in a serene, beautiful garden. Make sure the garden has a water body in it like a lake, fountain, stream, beach, or a waterfall.
Take time to create the garden completely in your visualization. See the blue sky, trees, birds, flowers, fruits, grass – just take time to ‘feel’ the place.
Now imagine sitting in a calm space in the garden.
Imagine a bright beautiful golden yellow or white light in the sky directly above you coming down, and touching the top of your head.
Let the light enter your body through the top of your head and fill your entire body till the tip of your toes with this bright, beautiful, vibrant, tingling light.
See the light expanding into a bubble of protection all around you including under you.
Step 3 – Locating the ‘Feeling Centers’
Now call the person you want to cut cords with into the garden. See the person clearly coming into the garden and standing before you.
Notice your first feelings about her/him – all of them – both negative as well as positive.
Now observe where each of these feelings is beginning in your body. (Ask yourself ‘If this feeling was stored in my body physically, where would it be?’)
You will find that each feeling has a place in your body (like, for instance, hurt stored in your heart center, etc)
Give each feeling a color and a shape – whatever you feel like. (you can ask ‘If this feeling had a color and a shape what would it be like?’)
For instance, you may see hurt as dirty green ball in your heart center, you may see anger as a red monster attached to you at solar plexus, or you may notice helplessness as blobs of yellow on your hand – these are just examples. You can give any color and shape you feel like. Sometimes the moment you trace the feeling to place in the body you may instantly perceive it as some object or being.
Step 4 – Scanning and Locating Cords
Now visualize the other person also also in a beam of their own light from the sky and with their own bubble of protection.
Start ‘scanning’ the person from top of his/her head. Your intention is to look for personality or karmic cords of energies that connect both of you.
You may ‘see’ or ‘feel’ these cords.
When you see the first cord, make a note of where on his/her body is the cord beginning, follow that cord to see where in your body the cord is penetrating.
Now take time to notice the details of the cord – its thickness, what does it look like, is it brittle or flexible, all the details that strike you.
Now see if the energy flow in the cord is one way or both ways – that is, is this cord feeding energy from one person to another only, or is this cord used by both to cross feed each other.
You may remember some past events when you are doing this, you may find certain emotions coming up sometimes. If that happens, just make a note of it.
Locate all cords between you and the other person.
You may notice many cords are end or begin at ‘feeling centers’ that you located earlier.
Step 5 – Cutting Cords
Once you have located all cords between you and the other person, you proceed with energy negotiation and cord cutting.
Move to the first cord you found.
If the energy is coming from her/him to you, ask yourself if you still feel a need to accept that energy or emotion from her/him. Only when your answer is a firm no can you really cut the cord. Otherwise, it means you are not yet ready to cut the cords. Even if you attempt it, in such a case, the cord will reconnect itself back.
When the answer is a firm no, you should see the flow of energy coming from her/him through the cord stopping immediately.
Now tell her/him that she/he needs to stop sending that energy to you. Tell her/him that your karma to accept those energies is complete and any energy she/he continues to send, if it bounces back to her/him, then it is of no karmic consequence to you since you have no intention of affecting her/him. It is her/him own doing.
If the energy is going outwards from you, ask yourself what emotion or influence from you is feeding that person. You will instantly get an answer. You may again remember an event of the past or a particular emotion coming up strongly within.
Ask yourself, if you are ready to let go of the need to influence the other person with these energies of yours. The answer should be no again. If the answer is yes or if you feel hesitant, look back at the suffering you are undergoing for still being connected to her/him. This can convince you to let go.
Once again, when you answer with a firm no, you will see the energy flow from you to the other person stopping instantly.
If the energy flow is two way, then you will naturally do all the above steps.
Only when you see the energy flow stopping, will you proceed to cut the cords.
There are a few ways to cut the cords. You should choose whichever feels right for each cord. I am listing couple of methods here. You may intuitively feel other creative ways to remove the cord connection.
You can request a sword or shears (large garden scissors!) made of light to cut the cords. You will find the requested tool coming to you from the light above.
Use it to cut the cord as close to your body as possible.
Now request for a ball of light and you will find a small ball (about the size of an apple) coming from the light above.
Rub that ball at the place on your body where you have cut the cord.
Notice this light sealing off the ‘hole’ left behind on your body after cutting the cord.
Proceed to do the same steps with the other person in cutting the same cord. So you will cut that cord from the other end by the same procedure above.
Yes, you need to cut the cord from the other person’s end too no matter how much you dislike the other person. You do this because the cord that is cut needs to be destroyed.
If the other person feels the need for the same cord, they will form another with somebody else but not you.
This also helps you get rid of cords of resentment easily. For anger and resentment are also means of attachments.
Cleanse and seal their body with the ball of light.
Destroy the cord by burning it. See the smoke and ashes pulled up into the sky through a third beam of light. This is not the beams of light that is on your or on her.
Proceed to cut all the remaining cords similarly.
Here you uproot the cord out of the body instead of cutting it. That’s the only difference.
This is done if you feel any particular cord has ‘grown into you’ and has roots within.
Hold the cord with both the hands as close to the body as you can.
Visualize white light forming around the roots of the cords within so they help to ‘slide the roots out’.
Pull the cord out of the body slowly.
Notice the roots sliding out gently. Pull until the cord is uprooted completely.
If any roots are broken and left within the body, request the light above you to dissolve the root completely and flush it out of your either into the ground below or by sucking it up into the light.
Follow the cleansing and sealing with the ball of light as described in Method 1 above.
Do the same for the other person.
Destroy the cord by burning it. See the smoke and ashes pulled up into the sky through a third beam of light. This is not the beams of light that is on your or on her.
Proceed to cut all the remaining cords similarly.
Step 6 – Finding Hidden Cords
When people send psychic energies out of, conscious or unconscious, malevolent intent or a desperate need to cling, such cords may not show up in the regular scan.
Just to make sure there are no such hidden cords, visualize a beam of violet light falling in between you and other person you want to cut cords with.
Visualize this light expanding outwards towards you on one side, and him/her on the other until finally you both are under this huge beam of violet light.
Any hidden cords will instantly show up in this violet light.
Go ahead and follow the usual procedure to identify, describe, stop the energy flows, and cut these cords too.
Step 7 – Healing ‘Feeling Centers’ and Leftover Energies
This is an important step. You will be healing the ‘Feeling Centers’ that you located earlier as well as any energy you may have already absorbed through the cords into you before they were cut. As I said, many cords would enter your body at the ‘feeling centers’.
After you cut the cords, go back to the place where the first cord was and ask yourself if any energies that you may have absorbed (through the cord before it was cut) is still within you.
If there are any left, give those energies a colour and shape just like you did for the ‘feeling centers’ earlier. You are creating a visual form for the energies. Sometimes you may intuitively feel the form readily.
Ask the light above to dissolve this energy and cleanse it out of you.
You may notice the light dissolving the energy into smoke and sucking it up into the sky.
Continue healing all the leftover energies for all the cords you cut.
Now go to the remaining ‘feeling centers’ and do the same.
If you find it difficult to heal any remaining ‘feeling centers’, then it means you still want to hold on to that emotion you feel there. Try to see various viewpoints as to why it is good for you to let go of that emotion. Only when your intention to let go is firm, can you fully heal.
Step 7 – Final Shielding
Ask the other person you cut cords with to go away and live his/her life peacefully. See him/her leave the garden.
Connect fully with the light above. See it flowing into you through the top of your head. Absorb the light fully into your every pore and aspect of being.
Request the light to do a final clean up to remove all leftover fragments and pieces of energies which may have been overlooked or left behind.
Request the light to ‘fill up’ all the empty spaces where the ‘feeling center’ energies or leftover energies had been.
Feel the energy of the light filling your whole being. You may get a tingling sensation while this happens.
Now visualize this light expanding around you again into a ball of powerful shielding. It should expand at least three feet away from you in all directions including under you.
Spend about a minute of awareness on this beautiful and peaceful ball of light.
Take a deep breath. Open your eyes.
Exercise to follow post Cord Cutting
Do this exercise the next 21 days after the cord cutting is done.
Visualizing a ball of light around you at least three times a day. Those visualizations need not be as strong as they were when you did the cord cutting meditation. But nevertheless, just do it. This will strengthen your aura and increase your protection.
Sometimes we notice people you cut cords with suddenly try to contact you within 48 hours of cord cutting. Even people who you have had lost touch with too. If such a thing happens in the next 48 hours after cord cutting, keep away from showing any sympathy or empathy towards the person or his/her plight. It is sometimes seen that the person you cut cords with will feel a ‘pull’ to connect back those cords and they try that, unconsciously of course, through appealing to the emotions of the person who cut the cords.
Forming new cords is as easy as cutting cords. Cord cutting clears up negative energy within. But it is now up to you to replace that space with positive thoughts, and behaviour patterns. Otherwise cords reform easily.
What it means is that after cord cutting, your behaviour in that relationship is no longer programmed, or out of control, or habitual. You have control over your responses and you must choose a positive response now to replace the old one.
Examine your needs which made gave you the fears and unhealthy behaviour in the first place. Every relationship is based out of a need to fulfil some internal lack. That lack is always related to self-image. Ask yourself what impulses or lacks motivated you to seek such unhealthy relationship or behaviour in the past. Start working that lack instead of seeking to fulfil from outside.
We hope this article will come in useful on your self-healing journey. You can always find this article from our archives by clicking on the ‘Self Help’ tag or category.
Imagine this: A poor lonely girl sitting alone by herself on a starlit night full of sorrow and suffering. She is quietly weeping for herself and her pitiable condition. She has nobody to talk to and everybody around her is treating her badly including her family. She hopes somebody would come to her aid. She is yearning for her prince and savior to come along and save her from her plight. Someone who would love her with all his heart and make her worthy of her life. This is the Cinderella Syndrome.
We all know the Cinderella story. The poor fatherless girl mistreated by her step-mother and made to scrub the floor all day. She yearns for a better life and weeps all night long. One day her step-sisters go to the ball at the palace. Cinderella wishes she could go to the ball too. And lo, a fairy godmother appears and turns Cinderella’s rags into a lovely dress, and rats and pumpkin into horses and a chariot. Cinderella dances with the prince at the ball who is taken by her beauty. By the hour of midnight, heeding the warning of the Fairy godmother, Cinderella rushes out of the ball leaving behind her glass slipper. The prince has his staff search for the girl whose foot would fit the glass slipper. Cinderella’s foot fits and she is married to the prince, and she lives ever after.
The Cinderella Syndrome is a real life situation of a fatherless girl who was unconsciously playing the Cinderella for real. Unfortunately, Cinderella stories don’t end well in reality. This girl had prince after prince coming to her rescue but they would then eventually desert her and go.
This happens because her mind had to survive her identity which she formed of herself from early childhood. And that identity was that of a lonely, suffering girl who is hurt by near and dear again and again. Once the mind forms an identity for the person, its goal is to keep it alive – to keep both the body and the identity alive. So for this girl, in spite of yearning and manifesting princes into her life, her mind has to still keep her lonely and suffering, hurt by near and dear. Now the near and dear also include her romantic relationships. Yet her desperation to get out of the situation is also real.
So she battles with herself endlessly. She manages to attract guys who would take advantage of her desperation and then dump her. She would be left once more the poor Cinderella. After a few repeated such incidents she has a fear of relationships which all the more helps her to remain the suffering Cinderella.
Real life Cinderella is helpless by choice, derives melancholic enjoyment of her loneliness, noble in her own view due to her uncomplaining (not entirely) suffering. Her self-pity, self-hatred, and her pride keep her remaining that way.
There is only one way for real life Cinderellas to get out of this miserable loop – to decide not to be a Cinderella in the first place. They need to give up their life story. They need to look beneath the voids they carry within to find out their true self. The Cinderella Syndrome is an addiction to pain.
Most real life Cinderellas carry a deep void within. They wait for an outside hero to come and fill that void. This is their second mistake. The first and their biggest mistake is in assuming they are the void within. Instead of trying to fill the void, they need to question the reality of the void they carry within. Is she the identity she formed in her childhood? Or is she somebody else? Can she, as a life, survive if that identity is snatched away from her? The day real life Cinderellas can give a yes to the last question, they can effectively come out of their troubles and heal their lives.
There is a reason why many fairy tales end with a perfect couple finally getting to be with each other and the above statement. Because even those who wrote fairy tales – tales of hope, love and magic – could not imagine what kind of a life ‘prefect’ couples lead! So they simply throw that statement ‘they lived happily ever after’ and get away with it!
Who is my Soul Mate?
As a therapist who also deals with relationship issues I often get asked this question both by single women and men. Sometimes by married men and women too asked me this question.
Let us be very honest for a moment. Do any of us consider ourselves perfect? Not really. Then why do we expect a perfect person in life? Why would a perfect person choose to live with someone as imperfect as ourselves?
There is a lot of misunderstanding regarding the term Soul Mate, especially among those into the ‘New Age’ circles. The common misunderstanding is that a soul mate is a romantic partner who is meant to be yours, someone who will storm into your life and set all things right for you, at least on the relationship front. And everybody is supposed to have a soul mate.
Well, if that is true then for every person who remains unmarried all their life there will be another disappointed person who is left forcibly unmarried or caught with a ‘wrong’ partner. It even implies an obligation to get married whether one likes it or not. Well, with so many social and religious obligations already around I would say you are better off without another ‘sin’ falling on your head.
The Need for a Perfect Partner
Most of our needs for a perfect partner, just like most other relationships, spring from an internal lack. We feel lonely, unloved, worthless, or because we feel our family and friends have not really understood us. In fact, if there are soul mates and we do find them, this very dumping of past expectations on to that person’s head is alone enough to wreck that relationship!
Another issue is social/cultural/religious programming we receive since our childhood regarding relationships. We need partners who fit our programming. Hence a lot of marriages end up as bitter disappointments for both the partners.
I am not saying there is nobody called a Soul Mate. All I am asking is to question yourself with forthright honesty as to why do you want to hold onto such an idea? Our mind never does anything randomly. So if there is a belief then there is an underlying motivation holding that belief. And whatever that motivation or lack is you can heal that without a need for any external saviour.
Suffering comes from inside of us never from outside. What’s outside is always a reflection of our internal state. I am not being a killjoy here. I do agree there are perfect partnerships but not perfect persons. What do I mean by a perfect partnership?
We always attract what we need in our lives. I am not putting forward some romantic pseudo-spiritual concept here. I am speaking of how our minds shape our reality and experiences. How is that when you drive in anger you seem to attract all the ‘idiots’ in the road who overtake you narrowly or drive straight on the wrong side of the road directly towards you?
More than we attract what we wish for consciously, we attract those beliefs that motivate us to consciously hold desires and ambitions in the first place!
This is no exception in case of relationships too. We seem to find partners who are smack opposite of who we are. Or they soon grow into that. You can look at the situation from two viewpoints – one we got what we attracted so we must suffer. Or two, we have an opportunity to go within and question the belief that attracted this situation in the first place.
Mirrors to our Fears
A life partner usually fulfils the role of a mirror perfectly. What you see in a mirror is exactly the opposite of your image as well as the same as you. Opposite because the poles are reversed – left to right appears as right to left in the mirror. Same as us because they reflect all our fears and beliefs back to us. What can be a more perfect partnership than that?
When friends mirror our fears, we cut them from our lives. When siblings do that we start avoiding them. When parents do that we run away from them. But when finally spouses do that we deliberate for a long time. Even in countries where divorces are common, people spend a lot of time in the marriage before they opt out.
In fact, opposites balance out each other nicely many times. Think of a spendthrift man with a frugal wife. If they learn to accept each other’s shortcomings, there will still be arguments once in a while, but there will a balance of thoughts built in each. If they think they are not good partners, there is only suffering.
Do I mean partnerships should not be broken? I am not speaking of any outside actions here. Before you opt to stay in the relationship or to get out of it, make sure you’ve questioned and healed all your beliefs and fears the other person is reflecting back to you.
For if you fail to do that, you will either continue to suffer in the relationship, or move out of that relationship and attract a similar one again!
Isn’t it selfish to look at self healing in a relationship? Perhaps it is, but is it unselfish to expect a soul mate to walk and be disappointed with who comes in?
If you are single, ask yourself what is your idea of soul mate relationship and why do you want such a belief? Find and work out the beliefs that are motivating you to look for a soul mate.
There is nothing wrong in falling in love before or after marriage. There is nothing wrong in thinking this is the perfect partner for you. But dumping expectations on the other person in relationship – be they personal or social/cultural – that is the beginning of trouble.
I’ve seen more relationships break or not happen at all out of idealistic concepts, fears, and expectations than actual lack of compatibility.
A partnership is a best opportunity for us to heal ourselves. And if both partners do that, they would certainly realize they had attracted Soul Mates indeed!
Strange as it may sound, a perfect relationship happens when the both partners do not expect anything from each other!
Though the clinical training and experience of the therapist are the most important factors, let us assume the client has made necessary enquiries in that area (See ‘How to find a good Hypnotherapist?’ for more). Coming to the session itself, the foremost role of the therapist is in pre-talk. Pre-talk is a consultation session where the past life therapist explains to the client how the therapy works as well as clears misconceptions about past life regression therapy. Most clients have many expectations and opinions about past life regression. If the client had not attended any past life sessions, then most of the expectations and opinions would have been created by the media as well as their religious and cultural background. Some opinions could simply be false. It is the role of the therapist to find out these expectations and set them right if necessary.
What many therapists end up doing in pre-talk is making a sales pitch – which creates even more expectations in the client’s head. The misconceptions remain. Creating an expectation towards healing is necessary, but creating expectations about the therapeutic process itself can become counter-productive sometimes.
There are other responsibilities of the therapist, but discussing them here will only create a client to become analytical during the session, thus again creating a block to a successful past life regression session.
Role of the Client in Past Life Regression Therapy
The client’s responsibility is an important determinant for a successful past life regression therapy.
One of the biggest obstacles towards a successful past life regression therapy is excitement and anticipation on the part of the client. What with so many television channels having hyped up past life regression therapy through their programs, lot of excitement has been generated for this therapy. Clients want to ‘experience’ past life more than having their issues resolved. There are clients who want only past life regression because they are sure the root causes to their problems are from a past life. Some of them are true, some are simply excited.
The most important expectation for a client should be resolution of their problem, rather than having to ‘see’ their past lives. Anticipation about who they could have been in their past life can produce false memories. That would simply be a wasted session without any concrete progress towards actual therapy. Excitement can also cause the client to regress nowhere. They simply hit a blank wall.
There is a simple way to move away from anticipation and excitement. Put your focus on the actual goal of the past life therapy – which is solving a problem in the current life. Do that and you will make easy progress.
In the last post we have seen how Past Life Regression Therapy works. Now let’s explore root causes. As I said, past life regression is done for the purpose of pinpointing the root cause to the problem and resolving it. Root causes are unique to each problem and person. However, they can be broadly classified based on the consequences they cause.
Some root causes create karmic debts. By karma, most people seem to think it is some kind of punishment or tit-for-tat situation. That depends on our perspective. As long as we see karma as punishment, we cannot get out of the situation nor accept it fully. But karma is also an opportunity to learn. Think of it this way – a school student can see his learning process as a grueling torture or as an opportunity to learn something new. The perspective alters their experience. And if you notice, unless the learning is completed, we will only repeat similar experiences that also worsen with each repetition. The worsening part is due to our increasing frustration and
In some past life therapy sessions, we get root causes that have become emotional triggers, meaning they are incidents of emotional trauma that become associated with strong reactions in us, and every time similar situation occurs in our current lives it triggers off same strong reactions. Shortly put, it is a strong emotional habit. For instance, many psychosomatic diseases like asthma, stress-based psoriasis, etc. are triggered in similar ways. Physical reactions are caused by cellular memories. Each cell of our body seems to have a capacity to hold limited memory in the way of physical reactions like pain or other dysfunctions. Whenever a strong emotional situation occurs the simultaneous reactions of the body are deeply etched into the cellular memories. And when similar emotions are evoked, the cells throw up the physical reactions. Hence, the cases where people who have died of drowning in the past seem to have asthmatic attacks in face of severe threat (both physical and mental) to their survival.
Some past life regressions root causes are oaths, vows, and contracts. We sometimes feel so strongly about something or someone that we enter into very strong contracts or take serious oaths. These seem to have their effects carried into our future lives until we revoke them consciously.
In the next post we shall look at requirements for a successful past life regression therapy both in terms of therapist and the client’s responsibilities.
Past Life Therapy has become quite popular these days because of its recent promotion in the television. As a hypnotherapist many clients call me just for Past Life Regression. Initiated in India by ‘Raaz Pichle Janam Ka’ in Hindi, it was later remade into many regional languages including Mun Jenmam in Tamil. The therapists all over the metros started getting enquiries about past life regression including in Chennai. But how does a Past Life Regression Therapy work?
There is a general assumption that by recalling past life memories, we see the roots of current life problems and hence it helps us resolve the problem from its core. The assumption is true but let us go into it in more detail.
When a client undergoes past life regression, there is always a goal (obvious…but is it?) – to resolve a problem in the current life. The stress on goal is important because some times, in the excitement of ‘seeing’ past life memories, the clients can tend to become enthusiastic about therapy itself than the goal, which will only lead to waste of money and time.
So a client is regressed to those past life memories which are the root cause for current life’s problems. The problem could be a phobia, a relationship issue (marital problems, parent child relationship), resentment or jealousy issues, sexuality issues, certain physical conditions (Psychosomatic diseases), etc.
The therapeutic goal of a Past Life Regression is not to make the client ‘relive’ the memories and trauma but to simply find what the real problem is. You see, when a client comes with a problem to be resolved, a therapist never sees that as a problem but as a symptom for a root problem.
Think of it this way. You approach a doctor with fever, headache and other symptoms. The doctor would never give you a paracetamol; in fact, you would have gone to a doctor after having tried your own medication. The doctor’s goal is to find out what’s causing the fever and other symptoms in the first place.
The same is the case here. The client is having the current problem as a symptom of a deeper root cause. Sometimes those roots may lie in past lives. Hence the diagnostic tool Past Life Regression Therapy. Just like the doctor may find a malarial parasite or some virus as a cause for the symptoms, past life regression will help you find the root problem. Once the root cause is found, the client needs to focus their attention on it. For this root cause is the reason why the client is having certain problems in current life.
Past Life Therapy is not just a great diagnostic tool it is also a powerful therapeutic technique. Once the root cause is found one of the two things happen; in some cases the problem comes down by itself. The mind works out the solution as soon as the root cause is recalled. There is a certain ‘automatic release’ that happens as soon as the root cause becomes apparent to the subconscious. This can be seen in cases of phobias or psychosomatic diseases mostly, though I have seen such results even in cases of relationship and other issues too. The problem may be resolved fully or it may come down to a manageable level.
But do not expect this dramatic change to happen in every case. In other cases, the therapist and the client now work towards resolving the root problem. It may be a few more sessions still before the client starts seeing resolution and positive changes.
In the next article, I will explain about what kind of root causes may come up and also the right mental attitude and other conditions required of the client for a successful past life regression therapy to happen.
Every problem that we face no matter how big or small it is arises out of the conflict between our ‘What Should Be’ and what is.
I should have my keys! I lost my keys!
My car shouldn’t have a flat tire! It does!
I should be getting more income! I am getting less!
My neighbor should mind his own business! He doesn’t!
My wife should do all the household chores! She isn’t!
My husband should support me financially! He isn’t!
My spouse should understand me! The spouse doesn’t!
My son should get better marks! He isn’t!
My daughter should dress properly! She doesn’t!
My parents should give me more freedom! They aren’t!
I should be healthy! I am diseased!
She should have been alive! She’s dead!
All the clients that ever came to me, all the problems I ever sought to resolve in my life – everything came down to a conflict between ‘What Should Be’ and what is.
No matter what help we resort to for our troubles, be it Allopathy, Ayurveda, Reiki, Hypnotherapy, Self-Help books, Psychological Counselors, a well-wisher’s advice, Angel Therapy, Cognitive Therapy, Critical Analysis, Astrology, Chakra Healing, Divination, it is always because we cannot accept what is and we have a ‘What Should Be’ in our head.
But have we ever once stopped to question our very ‘What Should Be’ beliefs?
Have we ever once thought why can we not simply accept what is?
We are so caught up in the denying, resisting, fighting with, attempting to change the ‘what is’ that we never for once sat back and asked ourselves why should anything be any other way that it is! We never questioned the standards! We never thought why can’t we simply accept what is!
Which standard says that human being should be healthy always? Is that a biological law? If it is, why, then, aren’t we always healthy? Why then must we die?
Who said that relationships must be the way we expect them to be? Is it a natural law of the universe? Don’t you realize that your relationship is lousy just because you are trying to make the other person confirm to your expectations of that role?
When you look deeper into the problem, we find that all the ‘What Should Be’ beliefs are all acquired standards. We picked them up in the process of growing up and learning to cope with this world. They are all mere beliefs. Yet they become our moral and social commandments of life. We seek to fulfill them at the cost of sacrificing who we are.
Some may say it is a conflict between ‘What I Want’ and what is. I’ve noticed ‘What I Want’ is either defined by ‘What Should Be’ or it becomes that.
The roots go deeper still until they touch our very egos. But we never want to go that deep. We just want to be on the surface and depend on our ‘What Should Be’s to define our happiness.
The truth is there is greater freedom in learning to accept what is. That does not mean we cannot or must not change what is. But in learning to accept, we lose our ‘What Should Be’ and then what needs to be actually done for the situation will become clear. It might be changing the situation or it might be simply being in the acceptance. In some cases if we accept the situation, the situation changes without any apparent effort on our part (except for the acceptance, of course).
Isn’t accepting everything that comes a loser’s way?
Where did you get your definition of losing and success from? Merely another ‘What Should Be’ standard!
And if we accept a situation just because the situation will change by acceptance, then we are still hanging on to a ‘What Should Be’.
Next time you have an issue just, for once, try accepting the reality of what is.
What do I mean by acceptance? Just be! Stop resisting. Just be. And see what happens!
Remember, when you are accepting, you must really let go of your ‘What Should Be’ for that particular situation. Otherwise, you are merely pretending to accept. You still haven’t come down into the reality.
The subconscious has a penchant for emotional drama. It likes to repeat the daily dramas it has because it the only known way for the subconscious to cope with issues. However, such a repetition can quickly become an addiction and instead of seeking to resolve emotional issues, the subconscious manipulates situations to repeat the emotional dramas. Such emotional dramas are a severe threat to your relationships, personal development, general well-being, peace of mind, and material progress.
Just like us, our subconscious too has a penchant for emotional drama. It prefers to involve itself in the drama of everyday life, or at times, it seeks to create drama out of everyday life! Drama excites us and keeps us alive but at the same time it has the potential to turn into a noose around the neck that holds us from resolving our issues in life and successfully moving ahead.
When we get used to experiencing certain emotions in certain ways we like to repeat that whole emotional graph – of the emotional involvement, the peaking of emotion and the subsequent decline of it. For instance, when a housewife approaches her husband about asking him to let her go to her parents’ place (not considering the fact that she can actually inform and discuss instead of seeking permission) and the husband refuses, the wife goes through an emotional experience of feeling frustration, then helplessness, intermittent sobbing, grousing, finally fighting with the husband and then gaining permission. Now as this cycle repeats itself, the subconscious becomes not only habituated to this emotional graph but also comes to prefer it. The entire emotional experience has become that woman’s comfort zone.
So next time the wife makes a similar request of the husband, the subconscious not only expects the refusal but also wants it badly so it can go through the whole emotional drama again. We are not aware of this at a conscious level. Instead of trying to find a simpler and happier solution for the problem, she is geared to fight, cry, grouse, and pull her hair. And the subconscious has the ability to make true any belief put into it. So everything from the tone of voice to the facial expressions and the timing of her approach is aimed towards inviting conflict instead of resolution.
To give another example, a teenage son can become so used to quarrelling with his father, breaking household items, running out of the house, drinking, and complaining to a sympathetic friend, that he will always approach the problem with the intent of going through the entire graph. Likewise, a father used to beating his head and chest over his children’s misdemeanours and shouting at the wife for bad parenting, always invites such situations into his life. He seeks to vent out his frustrations through these emotional exertions. A girl letting her frustrations take over every time she nears her periods, a disgruntled employee complaining over the unfair load of work allotted to him – let’s face it, we love the emotional drama! Don’t we all love to get drowned in the sadness of Kishore Kumar’s melancholic songs?
Even the stoic suffering of a chronic patient, sacrificial demeanour of an overburdened head of family, silent sobs of a lonely dumped girl, need for mental stimulation for intellectuals, philosophies of loners, impulsive violent outbursts, patriotic fervours all have the dangerous potential to turn into loops of emotional drama.
Why does our subconscious love this drama? To put in simple terms; for the subconscious mind the known is pleasurable and the unknown is painful. When we get used to these emotional dramas it becomes the known way of dealing with crisis. So the subconscious prefers to repeat this than to expend resources on being creative and more constructive. A new approach is unknown and hence fearful.
The more we seek the drama, the deeper we go down the rabbit hole. And this rabbit hole is neither metaphorically therapeutic nor liberating in any sense. The hole is an abyss of self pity or self hatred – a dangerous path of escapism and destruction. The deeper we go, stronger the impulse to ‘play’ the drama.
If our conscious need to get out of crisis is real, then we need to identify dramas of our lives and resist successfully the emotional temptation and the nervous impulse to ‘act out’. Then seek better and harmonious solutions to our problems.
Remember, contrary to conventional thought, it is never too late. You just need to be desperate enough for change and you can extricate yourself out of any rabbit holes and spider webs of life! Get desperate now!
When people have an opinion about you, it is not the truth, it is just their thought. What people think of you is their problem…unless you want to make it your problem too! Click on the title to read more…
Every day we are amidst opinions – both ours as well as others. We find a barrage of opinions, true or false, right or wrong, each trying to find its way through our mind and influence us. Teachers giving opinions alongside facts of the subjects they teach, colleagues and bosses trying to rub their opinions about how a problem must be solved, parents, spouses, and children giving us their thoughts about life.
Some of them we reject outright but some of them we value. Those that we reject have no influence upon us but those that we accept, consciously or subconsciously, change us. They change us little by little or they change us outright based on the intensity of the experience.
Today let me talk about two kinds of opinions; both are opinions about you. One kind is opinions that people hold about you and second is what you think about yourself.
People have a right to their opinion and a right to express it. But what many end up doing is trying to rub that opinion on others. Whether they have right to do it or not is the question here. The question is how much you are valuing their opinions.
What opinions people hold about you are their thoughts and problems until you let it become your issue by giving value to their thoughts. Nobody can force you to do anything. If you feel you need to live up to their expectations and opinions about you, then it’s a choice you make. What people think about you is their problem. You don’t have to be a part of it.
There is a reason why we reject some opinions while we accept others. It depends on what opinions you hold about yourself. When I call a white skinned man a black he will simply laugh it away, because he knows his skin is fair. However, if I criticize the performance of a person suffering from low self-esteem, he/she will allow my words to sting and hurt because he/she ‘knows’ my words to be true. He/she will either react angrily or accept meekly.
The next time you are reacting to a person’s comments on you, stop and look within to find out which negative opinion you hold of yourself has been aroused. Work on it and change that belief in self instead of trying to react or prove other’s wrong.
Earlier we examined how nearly everything that happens to us is a result of our own manifestations at the subconscious level. It simply means that we have immense power to create our lives just the way we want it. But since we are programmed with a lot of self-limiting beliefs while growing up, we tend to manifest many situations to our disadvantage.
What we need to learn and master is the art of positive manifestation. With persistence, positive manifestation can even change your deep rooted beliefs about yourself and the laws of life. So how do we manifest positive events in our lives?
We start by first identifying and eliminating all the negative manifestations that we have created in our lives. Simple way to look for negative manifestations is by looking for patterns in our lives. Look for similar situations that we repeatedly put ourselves into. These are the situations we are creating. For instance, routinely getting caught in traffic, being late for office almost daily, fighting with our spouse every weekend, etc.
Before you start curbing this manifestation, understand what the situation is trying to teach you. Do you need to be more assertive? Do you need to spend time on planning before you act? Should you try to understand the needs of your partner or family members better? Don’t analyse the situation too much. Usually the solution is something simple and clear within you. Just ask yourself what you need to learn and the answer will pop from within. Make sure you learn before you go about stopping the negative manifestation.
Here’s how you stop negative manifestation. Run the whole situation in your head. Think of the reasons why the situation occurs. You may feel inclined to blame time and people. Unless you take personal responsibility you cannot change the situation. So now focus on yourself and think why you are creating this situation repeatedly. You will find a subconscious belief within you which is dictating this situation.
Now go about changing the situation in your mind. Replace all the negative elements in that situation with positive visualizations. For instance, if you are in the habit of arriving late to office, imagine that you are reaching at least ten minutes earlier and you are having ample time to relax yourself before beginning the day’s work. Create that visualization as convincingly as possible. You may find your mind throwing objections.
‘It’s Monday morning, there will be heavy traffic on the way.’
‘My spouse always delays breakfast.’
‘I have to hunt for fifteen minutes for a parking space.’
Brush aside all objections and recreate your visualization in your head. See yourself arriving on time. Do it again and again. Now let go of the imagination. They key to successful manifestation lies in creating an absolutely positive visualization and then letting it go. You may write a great mail but you cannot get a reply unless you send the mail. So let go of the visualization. Repeat the process of visualising the positive and letting go every time a negative objection enters your head. Don’t argue with your head, you cannot win such arguments! Just brush aside the negative thoughts and visualize the positive once more. Wait for the results. You will soon be surprised with how you can change situations in your life.
In the next post, I will discuss common pitfalls we encounter in the early stages of learning positive manifestation.
We are hardly aware that nearly every experience we have in life is a product of our own manifestation. Unless we look back at the recurring patterns in our lives, we cannot really see the truth or be aware of the immense power we have at our disposal. Click on the title to read more…
Nearly everything that happens to us is our creation. On the outside we may believe circumstances or people around us are responsible for certain experiences we go through in life. Looking at a situation in isolation certainly portrays it so. However, if you just take a step back and look at the whole picture called ‘life’ the truth becomes apparent.
How is it that we continually become victims in certain situations? Some of us repeatedly find ourselves in financial crunches. Some of us inevitably become the scapegoat of office politics. Some of us are regular victims of bullying. Some of us end up in only bad relationships. Some of us always get caught in the traffic.
Isn’t it uncanny that nature, fate, or people around always know to pick on you? When you look at an isolated situation of your boss bypassing you for a promotion it certainly looks like he’s been playing politics. But when you look at the pattern of similar events in your life where you never received what you deserved in your career, isn’t that too much of a coincidence? What is the common factor in all of these events? You!
Our subconscious has the ability to manifest into reality what it believes to be true. A person who believes that tragedy follows every happy situation in life, his subconscious makes it true. How does it exactly achieve such feats may be explained by rationality alone. It is true that, through our body language, facial reactions, and our general interactions with the world around we communicate our beliefs and personality.
For instance, a person who suffers from low self-esteem and believes she will never get approval from her family will always put forward a body behaviour which invites disapproval. She manages to get herself into situations where she will be disapproved for her actions. She attracts relationships that will prove her beliefs right.
In the next post, let us examine how to use this power of manifestation to our advantage and learn to manifest what we want in life.
“Yes, there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run There’s still time to change the road you’re on And it makes me wonder” Stairway to Heaven
I hear this often from a lot of clients:
“I can’t change my career path…it’s too late for that!”
“I can’t change! It’s too late now!”
“I can’t get married anymore, I’m too old marriage!”
“Our relationship cannot change. It’s too late!”
Then why do you even come for therapy?
If you feel it’s too late, then accept your fate and learn to like it! If not, change your fate!
When we see a beautiful image on Facebook with a quote that reads “It’s never too late to change who you are!”, we immediately click like, share it to the world, and feel smug about it. But when it comes to our own lives we always have the excuse “It’s too late!”
We all know it’s never too late. We are so comfortable in our uncomfortable and fearful existence that we do not want to come out of it. Hence the excuse ‘it’s too late’.
Remember, the day you said ‘it’s too late’ is the day you decided shirk responsibility for your issues. You just want to stay where you are because it gives you the perfect opportunity to grumble, snort, sneer, cry, complain, and be miserable. You both like where you are and are too much of a coward to change who you are.
Every moment in life is a perfect opportunity for change and in fact, life makes sure you keep getting opportunities one after the other after the other just to help you change. But as the old saying goes, you can take a horse to the lake but you cannot make it drink, the decision to take action is yours!
I have had a client in his late 60’s who was ready to dig up and deal with childhood issues and gave up his 40 year old addiction of tobacco chewing. I have also had a 25 year old client who told me it was too late to learn to deal with his colleagues in office and walked out of my room and six months later he hung himself to death!
Choose where you want to be! Now is a perfect opportunity to change!
Finally we are happy to announce that we are moving to Chennai. The Hyderabad branch will still function however with only Reiki Services.
Our core services and operations will be from Chennai. The new healing space is in Besant Nagar – about two minutes walk from the glorious Elliot’s Beach. We are looking forward to working there and the operations will be fully function by the end of the first week of May. It will be a healing experience for all of us!