A Guitar Player Among Footballers!

Here is the story. There was a kid who was very fond of music and playing guitar. All his friends were football players. Whenever he and his friends used to hangout together, the topic would mostly be about football. They would discuss quarterback techniques, defence strategies, and other football related stuff. And this kid used to feel left out and lonely during these times. He wished he had a fellow music lover for company. Nevertheless the kid kept his interest in guitar going strong and would practise regularly.

With the friends always talking about football and how to be successful in it, what was initially loneliness in the kid gradually turned into an inferiority feeling. Perhaps guitar was not the way to success! Happiness became synonymous with success. If you are successful then you are naturally happy!

As the kid reached his teenage, he began to believe that a football player is a more successful person than a guitar player; but he couldn’t leave his passion for guitar. Then came the big phase of critical decision making – should I be a guitar player or should I be successful? The teenager decided to give up music for football and success. He joined his friends and started rigorous practise. Of course, he could not ace in that sport because his heart was not in it. So the inferiority complex grew deeper. Another mistake he made was comparing himself with his friends who were into the sport from childhood. Naturally they were better than him for they had years of experience and practise. But he failed to look at that, he just compared by age.

He became a mediocre player who was allowed to play because the team needed sufficient numbers. He began to fear that he would be chucked out of the team anytime a better player turns up. In a few years his friends made it to bigger teams and games. But his growth was limited. By now he was in his late twenties. And married.

The fear of being kicked out of the team became a constant source of anxiety and stress. Burden of responsibility of family took its toll too. He withdrew from his social interactions and spent time brooding, worrying, and secretly crying. Children became new additions to his family. And his fears grew proportionately. Self-esteem was as low as his blood pressure. He believed his fear of failure was the root cause.

In all these years, the guitar lay in a corner (for he hadn’t the heart to dump it) gathering dust. Occasionally it would be source of short-lived motivation for the man to change his life, to start afresh but, in his words, it was too late! The truth was that he had grown too comfortable with his life and circumstances. He did not have the guts to dig up old beliefs about success and happiness and change them. He was too afraid to step out of his comfort zone.

The passionate kid who loved music grew up into a fearful man who hated himself, his life and his job. His mistake: he let others define success and happiness for him.

Many of my clients say they have a fear of failure when it comes to their profession. I ask them, do you love what you are doing? What’s the point of learning stress management when the source of stress is still active! That’s like wearing raincoat inside your house just because your roof is leaking. Fix the roof!

 

Suggested Reading:

It’s too late now!

Social Aver’ages’

Comparing 5th Grader with a Post Graduate?

Picture Courtesy: Freedigitalphotos

Advertisements

When Fear of Failure is just a coping mechanism; not a root cause

Fear of Failure is most often prompted by a Fear of Success, because most are afraid of changes that success will bring.

All of us fear failure. We do not want to fail – we do not want to be seen as failures – neither by others nor by ourselves. I’ve had a considerable amount of clients who come to deal with their fear of failure. Each case is individual and they have their own reasons to have developed that fear.

Yet one of the most common reasons for the fear of failure is, very strangely, Fear of Success. Very few clients are willing to go that deep and dig up this root. But when they do, even the most mature client is taken by surprise.

Weird as it may strike, it is true in many cases of fear of failure. These people fear success more than failure. And that fear of success in itself cannot be the root cause. It is, in turn, caused by deeper fear that is varied for each client. For some it is the fear of change, for others it is the fear of responsibilities that come with success, for more it is the fear of losing values, and for some it is fear their spiritual growth will halt after success. It is any of these fears that, over time, has given rise to fear of success and that, ingeniously, runs about in the guise of fear of failure.

For all, the definition of success is limited to material world or, at times, entirely warped out of shape. For them success is not continued growth in all areas of life and ongoing happiness, instead it is an end point that, once achieved, will take them to not an entirely desirable lifestyle. Such clients often regress to lifetimes when such beliefs had been formed.

When we believe we have a fear of failure, we must not ask ourselves what will happen if we fail. Rather, we must be questioning ourselves what will happen if we succeed! And that will lead us to the root cause for halted progress in our lives.

Exam Fear and Study Anxiety

Student life is one of the most hyper-suggestible stages of life and figures of authority like parents, teachers, and even peers can inadvertently plant negative suggestions that undermine the confidence and concentration of the student. Consecutively, the student develops fears of exam and subjects, study anxiety, lack of concentration and poor memory.

The pressure on students to attain higher ranks and better marks comes from various sources like parents, teachers, peers, relatives and sometimes even neighbors. As the generations are growing more competitive, this pressure has assumed gargantuan proportions and many a student crack under it. The result is the development of various student issues like fear of a particular subject, fear of examination, study anxiety, lack of concentration and poor memory. The roots of these issues are varied yet easy to resolve through Hypnotherapy. Any issue does not usually crop up from a single event; small events over a period of time add to the issue.

It is usually the parents’ responsibility to identify these anxiety issues in the child and address them immediately. But in some cases, it is the parents themselves responsible for the anxiety and are oblivious of it.

Student lifetime is one of the highly suggestible stages and therefore it becomes very easy for a figure of authority to influence them through suggestions. Unfortunately, most of the adults are not aware of this fact and they plant suggestions that undermine the student’s confidence and consecutively her/his concentration.

Hypnotherapy is one of the best methods to very quick and effective to resolve these issues and help the student’s regain her/his confidence back. Under hypnosis, the student can quickly remember the cause of the issues like exam fear, study anxiety, poor memory, and lack of concentration, and with the help of the therapist the student can quickly resolve the issues.

Through hypnosis students not only regain their confidence but can also increase their performance in education, sports and in other areas of interest.