There come many opportunities in a person’s life when they can choose to follow their hearts or continue living in fears and insecurities of the mind. We (Geetha and I) have passed through quite a few and perhaps there lie a few more ahead of us. Most of the times, our choice was of the heart but once in a while we let our fears cloud us and keep us in the same of loop of suffering. We are once more at one such juncture in our lives.
This time the choice was unhesitating and simultaneous for both of us. Now, we’ve both come to a clear realization that further and truer healing cannot happen with conventional therapy but rather through a deeper introspection and awareness. And stepping into pure present moment awareness means we cannot avoid stepping into the unknown that follows it immediately. And to do that we realized we simply have to put in more faith into the life within and trust it to take care of us. And we are doing that. We are going away together to explore and experiment in deeper and truer healing. And, as usual with our lives so far, the experiment is first on us. We didn’t have to go away to let this healing happen, but the moment the realization to heal deeper came for us the universe opened doors for a perfect space to heal!
As a result, we are both taking a long sabbatical and we are closing Purple Room Healing for the public. The leave is for at least six months. The blog and all its articles will still be available for you all. We are also opening a site and another blog to share our onward (and inward) journey and to write about the practice of awareness. We will announce them here soon once we have made the physical transition to our new home and personal healing space.
Thank you all clients and friends who made this journey with us. We learnt a lot from each of you and we hope each of you had equally benefited through the help we could extend.
“The only freedom we’ve got is not to react to anything, but to turn within and know the truth.” – Robert Adams
Parental peer pressure is often a neglected and unacknowledged influence that exerts adverse effects on parents and even more so on their children. Often, the consequence of this pressure such as driving children to perform more in academics, sports, and arts is seen as a desirable trait than a deplorable reality.
Usually peer pressure is associated with children, teenagers, and in areas of academics and profession. But it is never acknowledged in other roles that adults take up, such as parenting. But if we observe closely, we notice that a significant part of parental behavior is dictated by their peers and programmed beliefs about how a parent ought to behave.
In these cases, the peers include neighbors, relatives, and friends with children. Even parents of the parents become peers. As always peer pressure, even more so in parenting, too is an unacknowledged but undeniable powerful force that influence that often leads to adverse effects than any benefits.
Peer pressure in parenting leads each parent to imitate a peer of theirs, mislead by the assumption that such behavior is idealistic and is best for the child. But unfortunately, what’s best for one child is need not be so for another.
The pressure felt by parents is often shown on the children with adverse effects on them. Severe restrictions and impossible goals are laid upon the child, all under the guise of ensuring the child’s future when it is actually peer pressure for the parent. And any failure on the part of the child to comply with the rules and goals are met with punishment measures ranging from mild to severe. More the pressure a parent lets in from peers the more severe the restrictions or punishments for the child.
Parents begin to compare their child with other children, thus effectively creating peer pressure for the child. A child’s performance at school, sports, arts, or even casual play becomes the parent’s measure of success in parenting and thus a personal connection between the child’s so called successes and parent’s identity is established. The child becomes an object and an instrument through which a parent can establish his/her identity and success amidst peers.
In cases where the parents of parents become the peers it is often in a context of dissociation from the peer group, meaning the parents do not want to raise their children as their parents raised them. This, in view of the parents and other peers, is seen as a positive behavior. Unfortunately it is not so. This viewpoint again places the need of the parent to prove to be a better parent over the actual needs of the child. It also presupposes that since the parent’s upbringing was bad the opposite behavior is good.
I have had cases where peer pressure has led the parents to discriminate their children on even their physical appearance. Parents scolding or even physically assault their children for their weight issues, and their sicknesses.
Abuse of the child is common, especially in countries like India. The parent specifically requesting the teachers to punish their child to make her/him perform is even sometimes seen as a desirable parenting trait than a deplorable reality.
Of course every parent wants the best for their child, but the problem lies in blindly accepting the established norms or choices of peers is the best for their child.
On the other extreme, parents who have become the model peers succumb to the pressure of maintaining that social image and, as a result, cause suffering to themselves and their children.
Peer pressure makes it easy for a parent to fall prey to manipulation by others. For instance it is easy to lead such parents to believe certain lifestyles, products, and services are better for their child’s welfare. The best example in this context is micro-chipping of school uniforms – a proposal, and a reality in some schools, in countries like the US, Brazil, and the UK. A local example would be the marketing of certain food products for children which promise a ready performance improvement in the child’s performance when their products are consumed.
Peer pressure in parenting can only be changed when its presence is first acknowledged by the parent and then realizing that it only exerts an adverse influence on the parent and the child. Peer pressure is not about pressure from outside. It always occurs when adults compare themselves to their peers due to some existing feeling of lack within or out of fear of failure.
In a significant amount of cases where parents bring their children to hypnotherapy, the child’s problem is born out of parental pressure. I have also had cases where the child has absolutely no issues, but the parent is coercing the child into behaving the way the parent wants. In these cases, the parents are not even willing to listen to the fact the problem lies with them rather than with their children.
Try this simple exercise: Stand before a mirror. Looking at your image in the mirror and ask yourself if you can genuinely say yes to the following questions:
Can you completely accept the person you see in the mirror with all the person’s faults and limitations? Can you absolutely forgive the person in the mirror for all the sins and mistakes in the person’s past? Can you love that person unconditionally? Can you approve that person’s behavior and personality?
If you genuinely try this exercise a few times you will realize it difficult to say yes from the bottom of your heart to all of the above questions.
But try this exercise again with a small change.
Imagine that person in the mirror to be your brother, sister, a parent, a child, your best friend, or someone you love very much. Now ask the same questions above. You will notice you can now actually say yes to all of them quite easily and willingly.
Now look at the person in the mirror again and answer this following question:
How many times have you scolded or disapproved of that person for something or the other on the past? How many times have you become angry with that person in the past? If you verbalized your disapproval and anger you showed at yourself to another person say your brother, sister, a parent, a child, a friend or someone you love very much, would it not constitute abuse? Would it not be such worst abuse that you become legally punishable?
The answer in most cases is an ashamed yes.
Think back to all the times you hated yourself and shouted at yourself and you will know the answer for yourself.
We all carry an inner critic – a hard-to-please, strict disciplinarian. There is no pleasing this critic. The problem is in attempting it. Sometimes we hear it as the voice of our parent in our head, sometimes it is the voice of a neighbor, a peer, a boss, spouse, and at other times it is just our voice. We can forgive others for their shortcomings easily but we always are unforgiving perfectionists when it comes to ourselves. And that paves the shortest route to ruin and suffering.
Self Abuse is the most rampant of all issues and unless we can each learn to deal with our opinion of ourselves everything we do in our daily lives will only increase our insecurities.
Do the mirror exercise every day. Simply stand before the mirror and say that you accept the person in the mirror, forgive that person, affirm that you love that person, and approve of that person. Keep doing it until you can do it without any inner hesitation or emotions blocking you.
There are so many versions of mirror exercises out there in the web. In spite of the variations, the goal is same, absolute self-acceptance.
How would you know you have accepted yourself? When you notice you are no longer abusing yourself with mental, verbal, and physical self-destructive behavior. The day you stop chiding yourself for every small thing in your life, you have truly reached a state of self-acceptance. That day you will also notice a dramatic change in the way people around you treat you.
When people approach me for Hypnotherapy or Reiki Healing for any issue, this is one of the most common exercises we ask them to do. Self image is the area where most often root causes are revealed in regression sessions.
As promised in the previous post (Hypnotherapy Treatment for Hair Loss), here is a positive visualization technique for hair growth. This technique is for a receding hairline. It can help slow down baldness as well as promote the growth of hairline forward towards the forehead. This is a technique I personally used.
The positive visualization technique is simple. Just stand before a mirror. Examine the hair growth near the temples just above your sideburns. This is a place where hair is always thick and lush. If you notice bald heads, the hair just above the sideburns is the last to fall or usually doesn’t fall at all. Get that visual of thick and rich hair and scalp above your sideburns firmly into your mind.
Now run three fingers into the hair near your temples. Make sure you touch the scalp there. While you are running your fingers into your hair and scalp above your sideburns, visualize that your fingers are picking up the energies or the ability of the hair growth on the scalp there, as if the thickness of hair there is contagious and it will spread into any area of your scalp your fingers will touch next. Do this visualization and rubbing for a few seconds.
Now use the same three fingers and lightly rub them into the scalp wherever the hairline is receding. Run the fingers through the hair with forward motions from inside the hairline towards the bald scalp all the while visualizing that the area you are rubbing is getting infected with good health of the scalp and thickness of the hair that your fingers picked up over the sideburns. Visualize the health is spreading fast into the whole area.
Repeat the process a few times over. Running your fingers into your scalp above the sideburns while visualizing the health is contagious and then running the same fingers into the receding hairline in forward motions visualizing the health is spreading into this area.
Get away from the mirror immediately. Avoid lingering in front of the mirror after the visualization is over. This can cause to bring the old habit of brooding over the baldness and filling your head with negative affirmations. Avoid that.
Do this positive visualization for a few weeks. You will soon notice that the hairline is moving forward again and the hair is growing thicker too.
IMPORTANT TIPS TO MAKE THE POSITIVE VISUALIZATION A SUCCESS:
Imagination more important than physical action: More than the action rubbing the fingers into the hair, the imagination that health is contagious and that it is spreading as soon as you touch the fingers over the receding hairline.
Work on half inch of bald scalp at a time: Work step by step with a little area at a time. Start with rubbing bald scalp just up to half inch before the hairline. This will help you keep the visualization real and believable in the beginning. Once you see new hair growth, you will have enough confidence to cover more bald areas without losing the believability.
Stop checking: This is the trick that can bring great results. Stop checking whether the technique is working or not for a period of three to four weeks after you started the positive visualization technique. This will help you keep away from losing confidence on the technique as well as help you keep the negative suggestions to a minimum. After we start noticing our hair loss, we increase the stress often by brooding negatively in front of a mirror whenever we find an opportunity. Avoid this as much as you can for the next few weeks.
Be very consistent: As much as the success of this positive visualization technique for hair growth depends on the visualization that much the success also relies on consistency of the exercise. You can do this exercise just once a day or multiple times on days when you find time. But repeating this exercise at least once a day over a few weeks, say 3-4 weeks, is very important.
Of course, if there is a lot of stress and anxiety currently in your life due to some other issues, then it will help to undergo guided hypnotherapy sessions along with this technique in order to deal with stored anxiety and to learn to manage stress through relaxation techniques like self-hypnosis, meditation, etc.
I personally found great results with this positive visualization technique whenever I used it. It worked every time I used it. I also got positive reports from clients who used this technique.
One of the best uses of Hypnotherapy lies in using it to improve health and performance through positive affirmations, visualization and Self Hypnosis. Hypnotherapy and positive affirmations can fetch great results for physical health and well-being.
One such great application is use of positive visualization in controlling hair fall or even promoting hair growth. One of the major reasons for hair loss is stress and anxiety. There are other reasons too like hereditary, poor health and diet, etc. Even in these cases anxiety can accelerate the hair fall tremendously.
Hypnotherapy is a very safe method to reduce hair fall as well as promote hair growth. It has absolutely no side effects and also decreases the overall stress and anxiety levels of the clients.
Using visualization techniques, positive affirmations, and self-hypnosis, clients see a significant hair growth and also increase the health of the hair condition. The course of hair loss treatment can last over a few weeks or longer depending on severity of the issue and the response rate.
One important factor in having better results is attitude of the client towards the therapy. The more positive a client is towards the therapy the better the results. Hypnotherapy relies on power of suggestion and the readiness of the client to accept such suggestions. Hair loss being caused by anxiety and other temporary causes like poor diet, etc. respond well to the program. Some hair fall conditions may not be worked through hypnotherapy.
In the next post I shall share a very simple visualization technique to promote hair growth in receding hairlines.
At Purple Room Healing we are conducting guided hypnotherapy and positive visualization programs for hair loss and hair growth starting this month in Chennai. You can contact us on 9500117031 during weekdays between 10 am and 5 pm.
‘My dad would beat me up and tie me to the bed post.’
‘My mother never let me go out with friends because she felt they were not right for me.’
‘My father never had confidence in me.’
‘My parents forced me into this marriage.’
‘Both my mom and dad knew about the abuse I was undergoing, but they didn’t want to lose face in the society. So they did nothing.’
I get clients who had a difficult childhood. Some of them grew with parents who constantly fought with each other, some of them had an over-protective single parent, some of them had very strict parents, and some of them were with parents who hardly acknowledged their presence.
In many ways each of us had trouble with our parents and hated them on more than one occasion. Most of us learn to cope and a very few actually resolve their issues with them. But for some of the clients the childhood would be so bad that they would carry the scars into their adult lives very badly.
Excuse to Ruin Your Life Further
These people blame their parents for their lives being a mess today. They carry the pain and guilt and it practically ruins their lives. Over a period of time this becomes a good excuse to shirk responsibility and avoid facing their fears. It is the new comfort zone – ‘our shell’ so to speak.
Then from a genuine anger it turns into a defence mechanism born out of frustration. After parents they start unconsciously choosing other replacements to blame their frustrations and failures upon.
The Present Is Not the Past
It may be true that they had been through severely traumatic past. But the truth is that such clients have chosen to cling to the past. This is a point where most healing comes to a standstill. In fact this is where most of our lives come to a standstill itself. We have put our present and future on a pause interminably.
No matter how painful the past may have been, choosing to make the best of the present is the only solution. If we can understand that past may have been the time when we were helpless but present is all ours, we can find it easy to realize we are not that helpless afterall. The past never haunts us, we cling to the past for various reasons.
Process of Letting Go
Of course only way to move on is to let go. That means not only letting go of the pains of the past but, more importantly, letting go of past resentments and regrets.
I’ve often seen that resentment, regret, and guilt are the biggest blocks to healing and all progress.
And with clients who are not willing to let go or, in some cases, not even willing to acknowledge they are clinging to the past, all we do is end the therapy for good. We have no choice. The choice rests with the person who is carrying the past.
Adult Is Not A Child
Obvious isn’t. Yet we do not apply it most of the time.
Yes, parents may have been responsible for your low self-opinion in your early childhood. But you are not that child anymore. The truth is that if you are old enough to realize the mistake lies with your parents in your childhood, you are also old enough to understand the mistake now lies with you in choosing to wear the past like a jacket around you.
We all have a choice to make – we can either acknowledge that we are not as bad as we think we are (and nor is our situation) and let go of the past, or we can hang on to live in the past and continue to drive our life in a downward spiral hoping to get our parents to regret and repent their mistakes.
Parents Need To Realize or Suffer
In order to impress upon the parents their suffering, some of us go to the extreme of hurting ourselves and our lives.
A simple understanding here makes it easy to choose the healing path. The person facing the problem today is not the parents but you. The life at stake is not the parents’ but yours.
And the more we try to push our parents to realize the truth through our suffering, the more we are abusing ourselves. It actually has an opposite effect too. It only strengthens parent’s negative viewpoint about us.
Nobody Understands Me
Yes, nobody can, nobody will. And for this precise reason, only we can change our lives.
Suffering is there to tell us we are going the wrong way and need to change our ways. It is not there to tell us to change the world.
Unless they are ready to let go of the past, people who blame their parents, cannot find happiness or satisfaction in life. They think they are willing to sacrifice the happiness too, but the truth is they haven’t. Their lives are caught between trying to punish themselves or their parents and trying to find happiness and peace. The two goals are mutually exclusive. It just gives rise to a traumatic existence and a miserable future.
Imagine this: A poor lonely girl sitting alone by herself on a starlit night full of sorrow and suffering. She is quietly weeping for herself and her pitiable condition. She has nobody to talk to and everybody around her is treating her badly including her family. She hopes somebody would come to her aid. She is yearning for her prince and savior to come along and save her from her plight. Someone who would love her with all his heart and make her worthy of her life. This is the Cinderella Syndrome.
We all know the Cinderella story. The poor fatherless girl mistreated by her step-mother and made to scrub the floor all day. She yearns for a better life and weeps all night long. One day her step-sisters go to the ball at the palace. Cinderella wishes she could go to the ball too. And lo, a fairy godmother appears and turns Cinderella’s rags into a lovely dress, and rats and pumpkin into horses and a chariot. Cinderella dances with the prince at the ball who is taken by her beauty. By the hour of midnight, heeding the warning of the Fairy godmother, Cinderella rushes out of the ball leaving behind her glass slipper. The prince has his staff search for the girl whose foot would fit the glass slipper. Cinderella’s foot fits and she is married to the prince, and she lives ever after.
The Cinderella Syndrome is a real life situation of a fatherless girl who was unconsciously playing the Cinderella for real. Unfortunately, Cinderella stories don’t end well in reality. This girl had prince after prince coming to her rescue but they would then eventually desert her and go.
This happens because her mind had to survive her identity which she formed of herself from early childhood. And that identity was that of a lonely, suffering girl who is hurt by near and dear again and again. Once the mind forms an identity for the person, its goal is to keep it alive – to keep both the body and the identity alive. So for this girl, in spite of yearning and manifesting princes into her life, her mind has to still keep her lonely and suffering, hurt by near and dear. Now the near and dear also include her romantic relationships. Yet her desperation to get out of the situation is also real.
So she battles with herself endlessly. She manages to attract guys who would take advantage of her desperation and then dump her. She would be left once more the poor Cinderella. After a few repeated such incidents she has a fear of relationships which all the more helps her to remain the suffering Cinderella.
Real life Cinderella is helpless by choice, derives melancholic enjoyment of her loneliness, noble in her own view due to her uncomplaining (not entirely) suffering. Her self-pity, self-hatred, and her pride keep her remaining that way.
There is only one way for real life Cinderellas to get out of this miserable loop – to decide not to be a Cinderella in the first place. They need to give up their life story. They need to look beneath the voids they carry within to find out their true self. The Cinderella Syndrome is an addiction to pain.
Most real life Cinderellas carry a deep void within. They wait for an outside hero to come and fill that void. This is their second mistake. The first and their biggest mistake is in assuming they are the void within. Instead of trying to fill the void, they need to question the reality of the void they carry within. Is she the identity she formed in her childhood? Or is she somebody else? Can she, as a life, survive if that identity is snatched away from her? The day real life Cinderellas can give a yes to the last question, they can effectively come out of their troubles and heal their lives.
Every building and the land has its own past and energy levels. I am not speaking of Vaastu or Feng Shui. By energy levels I mean how the house or place can affect your emotional state through its own, for the lack of a better word, vibrations. I am also speaking of spirit energies attached to a place or house.
Yes, it might sound strange, or even incredible, but check it out. Don’t you find some places inherently creepy no matter what time of the day you go there? Have you ever noticed that your temper and other emotions tend to increase in particular rooms in your own space or others’? Of course, some cases may be due to personal psychological triggers related to that particular space. Like if you had entertained negative thoughts repeatedly in a specific room or corner in your house then soon you will be habituated to think negatively whenever you are in that same spot.
But if others around you too have similar emotional highs in the same rooms and, in some cases, even visitors to your house tend to exhibit fear or trepidation in the same places in your house then it obviously has something to do with the space itself.
Most often they won’t be something that warrants a change of house itself. A simple cleansing of that space and house (or business office) will help clear and cleanse the energies. House cleansing through Hypnotherapy is one such technique. It’s a very simple and one of the safest methods to cleanse. In this, the cleansing is not even required to be done from inside the house, though the follow-up maintenance is always done at the place.
Effects of Energy Attachments to a Place
The most obvious effect is its influence on the emotions and relationships of the people residing in that space. The negative thought-forms subtly (or sometimes severely) influence the emotional state of the people in that space and over time the influence becomes stronger and quicker. Relationships can become strained due to such influences. In case of spirit attachments, the effects cannot be predicted because they largely depend on the past and intention of the spirits and soul fragments.
The other area of influence seems to be on the health of the family members. The spirit energies or thought-forms can affect the natural health and balance of people and make them vulnerable to various ailments.
In some cases, finances of the family seem to decline due to energy attachment in house.
One other common case is that of the soul fragment trying to evict the people from that space. It usually is done by spirits of people who owned or lived in that house earlier. The influence of the spirit attachment in these cases could be deliberate or unintentional. The spirit cannot rest until the house is empty again.
Another common effect is fear due to direct perception of the spirits themselves. The presence of spirit(s) is felt by most of the family members in various situations. In some cases, some members have also described to me the appearance of the spirit form. But most often it is presence as a vague form through their peripheral vision and the experience is shared by others in the family too. They see forms walking past in the hallway, in the toilets, etc.
House Cleansing through Hypnosis
House cleansing is a simple yet effective and safer method of cleansing a space or land of these energies. The client is usually someone who lives or owns the place. The session is performed at the therapy center itself but the results are extremely quick and apparent.
Maintenance of the Cleansed Space: Your Responsibility
Cleansing a space will certainly get rid of negative space energies. But it is the maintenance of the space after cleansing that is important to keep the space from picking up further negative energies. This is a part that the people who live in the house need to take up and practice. The processes of maintenance are simple enough and there are many ways. But the consistency is important.
Think of it this way. A person with malaria goes to a physician for treatment. House Cleansing done with the therapist is similar to a physician treating a patient for malaria. But that does not guarantee the person will not get the same disease again the next year. This is where the physician prescribes precautions like using mosquito repellents, clearing stagnant waters in and around the house, etc. These cannot be done by the physician. Similarly the householders need to take up the maintenance so that the house energy levels are maintained well. As I said, the process itself is easy and simple. It just demands some consistency, that is all.
In the last posts (Part 1 & Part 2) I discussed about mental health and the most important time of the day where your emotions and thoughts can set a trend for the day. This post let me share with you a very simple meditation method that will help you reduce stress and anxiety dramatically in your daily life. It can also help you become attain peace and calmness if you practise it every day.
The very word meditation sometimes puts us off. We have, at least some of us, have tried in the past various meditation techniques and have failed to achieve the consistency in practise. Two most important obstacles were time and achieving concentration. We either did not have the time to put aside for the meditation. Some meditation techniques demanded a particular time of the day be set aside for it, especially like early mornings which turn out to be particularly difficult for those who are night birds. Some meditation methods insisted on long durations of practise – sometimes even an hour out of our daily routine. The other reason why we give up a few other meditation techniques is because of its demand of nearly super human single minded concentration which seems to be more difficult than time. Just when we want to empty our minds that all sorts of silly thoughts come into our heads.
The meditation technique which I am sharing is neither time consuming nor requires inordinate amounts of mental concentration. You don’t even need to practise it at a regular time too. In fact, the efficacy of this meditation technique lies in practising it everywhere and anywhere you can.
The technique is deceptively simple. All you need to do is to simply move your awareness into your body and this moment. Let me explain how to do that.
First of all, you do not have to assume any meditative posture for this. Doing that can help you initially if you are used to practising meditations, but otherwise it’s not necessary. Again the best benefits of this technique can be extracted if you do this anywhere in any posture.
Simply begin by watching your posture. This can be done either by closing your eyes or with your eyes open. The goal here is to bring yourself, your mind I mean, into this moment and to ground yourself. It means you are bringing yourself here and now. Becoming aware of your posture or physical presence is an easy way to do this. Be like this for a while.
Become aware of your body from the inside. It means you are going into being the posture. See, all postures are actions like sitting, lying, standing, resting, etc. So go into that doing. Be it. Be the sitting person, be the standing person, or be whatever your posture is doing right now. Do not be deceived by the simplicity of this technique. Try it and you will find tremendous results.
The Thinking Mind
Well, what about the mind? You do not have to empty your mind. Just watch it. Do not try to clear your mind. Neither do you try to hang on to a particular thought. Just let them be – in the background. Your awareness is into your posture. Into being.
It means you are letting your mind be what it wants to be and YOU are going away from it. Yes, you and your mind can be separated like that. By ‘you’ here I mean your awareness. So simply let your thoughts be, let your mind be.
What you are doing is letting everything be. You are not trying to change anything. You are moving into the being of the moment. So, like I said, it does not require extraordinary consciousness. Just plain awareness. It’s easy.
Time and Duration
You can do this meditation anytime and anywhere. And you can do this for any duration ranging from just a few seconds to an hour too. In fact, I would not recommend that you do this for longer duration at a set time of the day like other meditation practises. The efficacy of this technique lies in its time flexibility.
I have noticed that in meditation practises people tend to get the best benefit out of it during their early days of practise and then gradually the benefits seem to disappear. The problem is not with the technique but in our ability to compartmentalize our daily routine. We usually stop the benefits of meditation influencing us in the rest of the day after the meditation. In the beginning days of practise, we are so motivated that we feel the lightness, joy, calmness, or peace that we gained during the meditation all through the day. After the initial motivation wanes, we tend to go back to our worry patterns and even the meditation seems to become a burden at times. So what peace we gain during the meditation practise seems to fade within ten minutes of getting up. Yes, any good meditation practise can change that and affect our whole life positively in a long term practise. But that again takes us back to our initial problem of consistency in practise.
So the best way to gain benefit out of this practise is to do this meditation just about two or three minutes or less and do it number of times per day. As you do not have a restriction of posture and you don’t even have to close your eyes for this meditation, it makes it easy to practise this meditation just about anywhere. While sitting in the office or the class during a break, while travelling (if you are not driving, of course), during brief periods of waiting, in the toilet, just after eating. Read the next part here for some best recommended times that can provide greatest benefit out of this technique.
Benefits of Meditation
The first thing that you will notice is the flushing of stress and anxiety. An instant calmness will come over your body and mind as you become aware of them. When you move into the posture and be the posture, what happens is that you are letting go of your identity with your thoughts. You are not stopping the thoughts, but are not attaching yourself with them anymore. Again, the goal is to move into ‘here and now’. Be only in this moment. Any thoughts about the next moment let them be. Just watch them. Don’t try to change them.
This technique acts a vacuum cleaner for stress and emotions. What I mean is that it can effectively stop stress and bothersome emotions from affecting other areas of your life. So when you practise this regularly, you stop carrying emotions across different areas of your life. Stress of your personal life will not affect your professional area. And vice versa.
Due to its flexibility, this technique can be incorporated in your daily life far easily than other longer methods. Of course you can continue any other meditations and Kriyas that you are already doing or intend to take up. In fact, this practise will aid you in other mind management or spiritual techniques.
A constant state of peace will become yours when you pepper this practise along the entire day. You will notice that you are able to look at problems in their proper perspective and proportion. In fact you will even be able to deal with tougher issues with a presence of mind. Worry becomes lesser.
In the previous article (click here) we have seen that the first set of impression we form in the morning soon as we wake up set a mood for the day. Those set of thoughts and emotions are then amplified during the time we spend in the toilet. Similar thoughts get added and we have successfully determined the way our day is going to take shape.
Yes, we cannot control our thoughts. We haven’t all mastered the art of mind control. And control in most cases on ends up increasing or suppressing the thoughts we are trying to control. This only leads to future trouble. So trying not to think in a certain way is not the first step to do here. The trick is learning to ignore thoughts that we do not want to have.
So as soon as we wake up, our thoughts are usually determined by a few variables – the dreams that we had, the plan or expectations for the day, the events of the previous night (which also determined the nature of our dreams), or the circumstances in which we woke up (like woken up rudely by a grumbling member of the family). Anyway, we cannot control these thoughts. But what is under our control is how we react to those thoughts.
Changing our Reactions
We can choose to pick up negative thoughts and moods and amplify them by losing temper and calm. Or we can choose to move over those thoughts and think of some pleasant ones that will set our mood right.
Many think that this is easier said than done. Actually the opposite is true. It is easy to do most of the days and tough only at certain times. The success of the technique lies in knowing that a mood or thought continues as a mindless repetition and also because we want to be in that mood. By knowing this we can do two things to change the way our day’s experiences are shaped. One, since the thoughts are going to be mindless repetition, it means that they may continue for some time and all we need to do here is to ignore them.
Two, by knowing that we feel lousy because we want to, we can simply pause for a moment and ask ourselves how we want to feel throughout the day. That will immediately set our priorities right and we will be able to ignore the negative thoughts and choose to look at the day with positive expectations. The trick again is not to expect thoughts to go away or try to control them, instead to ignore them and focus on the positive.
Yes, there will be certain days where the first thoughts are related to our deep issues that we find it difficult not to want them. When you can’t do anything, the only way you can lessen the impact of that mood on your daily activities is by accepting the truth of the situation. Yes, I am angry and I am not willing to give it up. Accept it and it will help you move on to some extent. The mood could continue through the day, but it will not be as bad as it could be if you had been resisting the mood. Just accept it as such.
The next post, I will give you a very simple meditation technique to help your mind manage stress effectively.
In the last post we have seen how Past Life Regression Therapy works. Now let’s explore root causes. As I said, past life regression is done for the purpose of pinpointing the root cause to the problem and resolving it. Root causes are unique to each problem and person. However, they can be broadly classified based on the consequences they cause.
Some root causes create karmic debts. By karma, most people seem to think it is some kind of punishment or tit-for-tat situation. That depends on our perspective. As long as we see karma as punishment, we cannot get out of the situation nor accept it fully. But karma is also an opportunity to learn. Think of it this way – a school student can see his learning process as a grueling torture or as an opportunity to learn something new. The perspective alters their experience. And if you notice, unless the learning is completed, we will only repeat similar experiences that also worsen with each repetition. The worsening part is due to our increasing frustration and
In some past life therapy sessions, we get root causes that have become emotional triggers, meaning they are incidents of emotional trauma that become associated with strong reactions in us, and every time similar situation occurs in our current lives it triggers off same strong reactions. Shortly put, it is a strong emotional habit. For instance, many psychosomatic diseases like asthma, stress-based psoriasis, etc. are triggered in similar ways. Physical reactions are caused by cellular memories. Each cell of our body seems to have a capacity to hold limited memory in the way of physical reactions like pain or other dysfunctions. Whenever a strong emotional situation occurs the simultaneous reactions of the body are deeply etched into the cellular memories. And when similar emotions are evoked, the cells throw up the physical reactions. Hence, the cases where people who have died of drowning in the past seem to have asthmatic attacks in face of severe threat (both physical and mental) to their survival.
Some past life regressions root causes are oaths, vows, and contracts. We sometimes feel so strongly about something or someone that we enter into very strong contracts or take serious oaths. These seem to have their effects carried into our future lives until we revoke them consciously.
In the next post we shall look at requirements for a successful past life regression therapy both in terms of therapist and the client’s responsibilities.
Past Life Therapy has become quite popular these days because of its recent promotion in the television. As a hypnotherapist many clients call me just for Past Life Regression. Initiated in India by ‘Raaz Pichle Janam Ka’ in Hindi, it was later remade into many regional languages including Mun Jenmam in Tamil. The therapists all over the metros started getting enquiries about past life regression including in Chennai. But how does a Past Life Regression Therapy work?
There is a general assumption that by recalling past life memories, we see the roots of current life problems and hence it helps us resolve the problem from its core. The assumption is true but let us go into it in more detail.
When a client undergoes past life regression, there is always a goal (obvious…but is it?) – to resolve a problem in the current life. The stress on goal is important because some times, in the excitement of ‘seeing’ past life memories, the clients can tend to become enthusiastic about therapy itself than the goal, which will only lead to waste of money and time.
So a client is regressed to those past life memories which are the root cause for current life’s problems. The problem could be a phobia, a relationship issue (marital problems, parent child relationship), resentment or jealousy issues, sexuality issues, certain physical conditions (Psychosomatic diseases), etc.
The therapeutic goal of a Past Life Regression is not to make the client ‘relive’ the memories and trauma but to simply find what the real problem is. You see, when a client comes with a problem to be resolved, a therapist never sees that as a problem but as a symptom for a root problem.
Think of it this way. You approach a doctor with fever, headache and other symptoms. The doctor would never give you a paracetamol; in fact, you would have gone to a doctor after having tried your own medication. The doctor’s goal is to find out what’s causing the fever and other symptoms in the first place.
The same is the case here. The client is having the current problem as a symptom of a deeper root cause. Sometimes those roots may lie in past lives. Hence the diagnostic tool Past Life Regression Therapy. Just like the doctor may find a malarial parasite or some virus as a cause for the symptoms, past life regression will help you find the root problem. Once the root cause is found, the client needs to focus their attention on it. For this root cause is the reason why the client is having certain problems in current life.
Past Life Therapy is not just a great diagnostic tool it is also a powerful therapeutic technique. Once the root cause is found one of the two things happen; in some cases the problem comes down by itself. The mind works out the solution as soon as the root cause is recalled. There is a certain ‘automatic release’ that happens as soon as the root cause becomes apparent to the subconscious. This can be seen in cases of phobias or psychosomatic diseases mostly, though I have seen such results even in cases of relationship and other issues too. The problem may be resolved fully or it may come down to a manageable level.
But do not expect this dramatic change to happen in every case. In other cases, the therapist and the client now work towards resolving the root problem. It may be a few more sessions still before the client starts seeing resolution and positive changes.
In the next article, I will explain about what kind of root causes may come up and also the right mental attitude and other conditions required of the client for a successful past life regression therapy to happen.
The subconscious has a penchant for emotional drama. It likes to repeat the daily dramas it has because it the only known way for the subconscious to cope with issues. However, such a repetition can quickly become an addiction and instead of seeking to resolve emotional issues, the subconscious manipulates situations to repeat the emotional dramas. Such emotional dramas are a severe threat to your relationships, personal development, general well-being, peace of mind, and material progress.
Just like us, our subconscious too has a penchant for emotional drama. It prefers to involve itself in the drama of everyday life, or at times, it seeks to create drama out of everyday life! Drama excites us and keeps us alive but at the same time it has the potential to turn into a noose around the neck that holds us from resolving our issues in life and successfully moving ahead.
When we get used to experiencing certain emotions in certain ways we like to repeat that whole emotional graph – of the emotional involvement, the peaking of emotion and the subsequent decline of it. For instance, when a housewife approaches her husband about asking him to let her go to her parents’ place (not considering the fact that she can actually inform and discuss instead of seeking permission) and the husband refuses, the wife goes through an emotional experience of feeling frustration, then helplessness, intermittent sobbing, grousing, finally fighting with the husband and then gaining permission. Now as this cycle repeats itself, the subconscious becomes not only habituated to this emotional graph but also comes to prefer it. The entire emotional experience has become that woman’s comfort zone.
So next time the wife makes a similar request of the husband, the subconscious not only expects the refusal but also wants it badly so it can go through the whole emotional drama again. We are not aware of this at a conscious level. Instead of trying to find a simpler and happier solution for the problem, she is geared to fight, cry, grouse, and pull her hair. And the subconscious has the ability to make true any belief put into it. So everything from the tone of voice to the facial expressions and the timing of her approach is aimed towards inviting conflict instead of resolution.
To give another example, a teenage son can become so used to quarrelling with his father, breaking household items, running out of the house, drinking, and complaining to a sympathetic friend, that he will always approach the problem with the intent of going through the entire graph. Likewise, a father used to beating his head and chest over his children’s misdemeanours and shouting at the wife for bad parenting, always invites such situations into his life. He seeks to vent out his frustrations through these emotional exertions. A girl letting her frustrations take over every time she nears her periods, a disgruntled employee complaining over the unfair load of work allotted to him – let’s face it, we love the emotional drama! Don’t we all love to get drowned in the sadness of Kishore Kumar’s melancholic songs?
Even the stoic suffering of a chronic patient, sacrificial demeanour of an overburdened head of family, silent sobs of a lonely dumped girl, need for mental stimulation for intellectuals, philosophies of loners, impulsive violent outbursts, patriotic fervours all have the dangerous potential to turn into loops of emotional drama.
Why does our subconscious love this drama? To put in simple terms; for the subconscious mind the known is pleasurable and the unknown is painful. When we get used to these emotional dramas it becomes the known way of dealing with crisis. So the subconscious prefers to repeat this than to expend resources on being creative and more constructive. A new approach is unknown and hence fearful.
The more we seek the drama, the deeper we go down the rabbit hole. And this rabbit hole is neither metaphorically therapeutic nor liberating in any sense. The hole is an abyss of self pity or self hatred – a dangerous path of escapism and destruction. The deeper we go, stronger the impulse to ‘play’ the drama.
If our conscious need to get out of crisis is real, then we need to identify dramas of our lives and resist successfully the emotional temptation and the nervous impulse to ‘act out’. Then seek better and harmonious solutions to our problems.
Remember, contrary to conventional thought, it is never too late. You just need to be desperate enough for change and you can extricate yourself out of any rabbit holes and spider webs of life! Get desperate now!
Here is the story. There was a kid who was very fond of music and playing guitar. All his friends were football players. Whenever he and his friends used to hangout together, the topic would mostly be about football. They would discuss quarterback techniques, defence strategies, and other football related stuff. And this kid used to feel left out and lonely during these times. He wished he had a fellow music lover for company. Nevertheless the kid kept his interest in guitar going strong and would practise regularly.
With the friends always talking about football and how to be successful in it, what was initially loneliness in the kid gradually turned into an inferiority feeling. Perhaps guitar was not the way to success! Happiness became synonymous with success. If you are successful then you are naturally happy!
As the kid reached his teenage, he began to believe that a football player is a more successful person than a guitar player; but he couldn’t leave his passion for guitar. Then came the big phase of critical decision making – should I be a guitar player or should I be successful? The teenager decided to give up music for football and success. He joined his friends and started rigorous practise. Of course, he could not ace in that sport because his heart was not in it. So the inferiority complex grew deeper. Another mistake he made was comparing himself with his friends who were into the sport from childhood. Naturally they were better than him for they had years of experience and practise. But he failed to look at that, he just compared by age.
He became a mediocre player who was allowed to play because the team needed sufficient numbers. He began to fear that he would be chucked out of the team anytime a better player turns up. In a few years his friends made it to bigger teams and games. But his growth was limited. By now he was in his late twenties. And married.
The fear of being kicked out of the team became a constant source of anxiety and stress. Burden of responsibility of family took its toll too. He withdrew from his social interactions and spent time brooding, worrying, and secretly crying. Children became new additions to his family. And his fears grew proportionately. Self-esteem was as low as his blood pressure. He believed his fear of failure was the root cause.
In all these years, the guitar lay in a corner (for he hadn’t the heart to dump it) gathering dust. Occasionally it would be source of short-lived motivation for the man to change his life, to start afresh but, in his words, it was too late! The truth was that he had grown too comfortable with his life and circumstances. He did not have the guts to dig up old beliefs about success and happiness and change them. He was too afraid to step out of his comfort zone.
The passionate kid who loved music grew up into a fearful man who hated himself, his life and his job. His mistake: he let others define success and happiness for him.
Many of my clients say they have a fear of failure when it comes to their profession. I ask them, do you love what you are doing? What’s the point of learning stress management when the source of stress is still active! That’s like wearing raincoat inside your house just because your roof is leaking. Fix the roof!
When people have an opinion about you, it is not the truth, it is just their thought. What people think of you is their problem…unless you want to make it your problem too! Click on the title to read more…
Every day we are amidst opinions – both ours as well as others. We find a barrage of opinions, true or false, right or wrong, each trying to find its way through our mind and influence us. Teachers giving opinions alongside facts of the subjects they teach, colleagues and bosses trying to rub their opinions about how a problem must be solved, parents, spouses, and children giving us their thoughts about life.
Some of them we reject outright but some of them we value. Those that we reject have no influence upon us but those that we accept, consciously or subconsciously, change us. They change us little by little or they change us outright based on the intensity of the experience.
Today let me talk about two kinds of opinions; both are opinions about you. One kind is opinions that people hold about you and second is what you think about yourself.
People have a right to their opinion and a right to express it. But what many end up doing is trying to rub that opinion on others. Whether they have right to do it or not is the question here. The question is how much you are valuing their opinions.
What opinions people hold about you are their thoughts and problems until you let it become your issue by giving value to their thoughts. Nobody can force you to do anything. If you feel you need to live up to their expectations and opinions about you, then it’s a choice you make. What people think about you is their problem. You don’t have to be a part of it.
There is a reason why we reject some opinions while we accept others. It depends on what opinions you hold about yourself. When I call a white skinned man a black he will simply laugh it away, because he knows his skin is fair. However, if I criticize the performance of a person suffering from low self-esteem, he/she will allow my words to sting and hurt because he/she ‘knows’ my words to be true. He/she will either react angrily or accept meekly.
The next time you are reacting to a person’s comments on you, stop and look within to find out which negative opinion you hold of yourself has been aroused. Work on it and change that belief in self instead of trying to react or prove other’s wrong.
Gossip is a ritual abuse of knowledge and our own psyche. It can turn us into scandal mongering ugly creatures who are ready to sell off the image of our best friends for the sake of a vicarious thrill and cover from our own insecurities that gossip offers. Click on title to read more.
Before declaring you are no gossiper, think about how many times you groused or spoke ill about your parents to your friends, about your colleagues to other colleagues, about your neighbours to your family, about your peers or even about the salesman at the street-end shop. And how many times your ears pricked when you overheard snatches of private conversations about others. And how many times you garnished a rumour to make it a tad bit spicier. We all carry the instinct to gossip. The difference only lies on how many times we give in to it!
Gossip is a repeated and ritualistic abuse of knowledge and of our own personalities. Gossip turns us from polite conversation makers into rumour-thirsty vampires scandalizing private lives for personal satisfaction. Like any addiction, we only gossip because we do not want to be reminded of our insecurities, failures and voids within. By engaging in gossip we not only divert our minds from introspection, we also create such falsehoods that will make us feel better and safe. There are different functions for gossip in our stress-driven lives.
Gossip as a defence mechanism: It feels good to ‘prove’ another human is much inferior to us. That feeling creates a temporary and partial amnesia for our own shortcomings and insecurities. Instead of dealing with our own ugliness we create even uglier pictures of others around so we can feel better.
Gossip as an emotional vent: The persons we gossip about quickly become our vents. Whenever we are upset about anything, we find ourselves engaging vehement and slanderous gossip smearing somebody’s image with shit in our lives.
Gossip for conversation: Talk ill of a commonly disliked person so we can bond closer to fellow gossipers. Any bond built on gossip is likely to sever because of gossip.
Gossip as an addiction: Count how many times a week you engage yourself in ‘discussing’ affairs of a third person. You may feel you have control over what you speak and how much you speak. But strangely you never feel motivated to stop speaking. That’s an addiction.
Gossip as an addiction is a ‘sweet’ cover for our failures and the ugliness we carry within. By gossiping we are only screaming to the world what big failures are we! It’s side effects include turning unscrupulous enough to deliberately deface or create news to make it scandalous, ready to eavesdrop on private conversations for gossip material, damaging our own personalities to the point we are lost continually in seek of the ‘thrill’ of spreading gossip; and like any addiction it leaves behind an ugly aftertaste in our psyche. Finally we can reach a point where nobody, not even our families and friends, can trust us.
Do you compare a 5th grade child to a Post Graduate and scold the child for not knowing calculus or literature? Then why do you compare your inabilities with the most talented person and chide yourself? The mistaken logic of considering peers to be naturally equal to you creates unnecessary issues in our lives.
Do you compare a 5th grade child to a Post Graduate and scold the child for not knowing calculus or literature? Then why do you compare your inabilities with the most talented person and chide yourself?
This is a common trait we all carry and fail to see the mistaken logic behind it. I often get clients who come and say they lack a particular talent. Things will be fine if they stop at that. But they go ahead compare themselves to their peers in this area of talent and start criticising themselves. What they fail to understand is that they are making unfair comparisons and drawing wrong conclusions about themselves.
For instance, I had a client who was 35 and worked in an MNC. He lacked in communication skills and he had come to resolve that. He would often compare himself to his colleagues who are of his age and feel very bad that he was not as communicative as them. This in turn developed a marked inferiority complex in him. Until I pointed it out, he failed to see the mistake in his logic.
All of us have, more or less, equal capacity to grasp and learn a talent or skill. But because of the circumstances in which we grow up we tend to pick up certain skills faster than others, while missing out altogether on some skills. Figuratively, we can say that we are Doctorates or Post Graduates in those skills we had developed well while in some other skills we are still at a Primary or a Pre-primary level.
In the above case, the client was a primary school student in communication skills while in his technical skills he was certainly top notch. So where is the logic in picking a peer who is a Doctorate in communication skills and saying that I am not as talented? That is the path of doom and failure.
We simply need to understand that we have to start honing the underdeveloped skill as if we are learning it for the first time – because we are in fact learning it for the first time. And also expect to make those mistakes that any beginner will tend to make. Yes, our peers may laugh at us when we make mistakes, but ask yourself if you want to improve at the risk of being laughed at for a short while or hide behind a defence all your life pretending to be talented and worrying within all life through!
Once I pointed this to my client, he was able to focus on what was important – learning to communicate better – than comparing with peers and feeling depressed. It was in no time that he was able to communicate himself better. He has more milestones to cover, but the block that was even stopping him from making journey was gone forever.
And it is not just in communication issues that we make such mistakes. It is in many areas like relationships, financial stability, looks and image, technical talents, soft skills, and in many such that we compare unequal people just because they are of similar ages and put ourselves or others down unfairly. Stop doing that. See your mistaken logic. And start developing your skills if that is what you want!
At Purple Room, we are now offering distance healing for cases of Spirit Release Therapy. Distance healing is a method of healing where the client is not physically present for healing. Although it is possible to treat many issues through distance healing, we are currently offering healing only in the cases of spirit attachments.