Find out what you think about yourself!

We always carry a self-image or a definition of self in not just our heads but in our actions, postures, and critical decisions we make in our lives. In fact, if we look at ourselves closely, the ‘I’ that exists is that self-image. We’d also like to think that we know ourselves better than others do about us and we are very clear about the self-image we hold within. But the truth is almost always far from it. Self awareness is as scarce as common sense. What we believe consciously to be our self-image is, in fact, the defensive-self or the mask we’ve created to face the world. A mask that we’ve built very early in life and have been developing and polishing ever since.

But the true image we hold of ourselves is very deep in our subconscious minds that it takes some practice of awareness to come in contact with it. We get brief glimpse of it when we are provoked into emotion unexpectedly and in our dreams. There are very simple exercises to find out what is truly our opinion about ourselves.

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Voices in your head are subconscious projections of your self-image

If you’d read one of my previous posts about Voices we carry in our heads (opens in new tab/window), you’ll know that most of the time the arguments we have with other people in our heads are not really arguments with others, but actually an inner conflict. I’ve categorized in that post, the various kinds of voices we carry and it is those voices that provide us with real clues and thoughts about self-image.

These ‘voices’ in our heads are extensions of conflicts we’ve had with others in our lives. For instance, say your spouse said something about you and you found it judgmental – say about your capacity to speak up against your boss, you may or may not argue with your spouse about it, but you then carry around a ‘voice’ of your spouse judging your similarly through your daily activities. And you start an internal argument with that voice and it gradually becomes a part of your daily mental noise.

Now coming back to finding out your self-image through the use of this inner voices we carry in our heads, every time an argument pops up in your head try to look at it dispassionately and without attachment as if you are listening to two strangers speaking to each other at a bus stop. By doing that the first thing you may notice about the voice is that it is not actually a real person speaking to you at that point of time but an imagination on your part. Any voice in your head is a part of your imagination and therefore an extension of your beliefs about yourself and not opinions of others. See what category the voice falls into (see Voices in our Heads for the categories).

Voices of guilt and shame point to a kind of self opinion, like say seeing ourselves as a ‘bad’ person or a ‘sinner’. They may even speak about how ‘deserving’ of something good we feel we are. ‘Put-me-downers’ speak about our opinions about our capabilities. They could also be speaking of the ‘loser’ in us. Morality checks also speak about our guilt – more likely our current actions and our own approval and disapproval of them. Voices usually fall into more than one category since at a deeper level all our problems are interconnected webs springing from our sense of insecurity, self-hatred, and fear.

Once you start trying to find your self-image through this exercise, you may encounter the difficulty of trying to watch your inner arguments being pulled into them. It is an expected difficulty. Just keep on with the practice. Every second of dispassionate observation adds to inner enlightenment. Some ‘voice’ may even start commenting on your inability to stay detached and try to use this activity to feed your mental noise. Just be aware of it, and you will be able to bypass it. Remember, awareness is the key.

Three Spells for Super Blood Moon this Sunday, September 27 2015

Here are three useful spells and a meditation technique for prosperity, psychic abilities and mental healing for the coming Super Blood Moon day on September 27, 2015.

Follow the link: Three Spells and A Meditation

Self Pity and Self Hatred: Two Dangerous Extremes

feeling sorry for oneselfLow self-esteem issues are quite common to my practice. In fact, all therapies in one way or the other have to do with self-image. And when we suffer from a low self-esteem problem and are unable to resolve it, we manage to cover it from the world by taking a defensive stand. Some become reserved and gruff, some put up a false intellectual front, some pretend to be uber happy, and some turn shy and silent, and then there are hundred other ways to cover it up.

Dealing with self-esteem issues or any issue for that matter is not a big deal if we are really willing to resolve our problems. But there are times when some of us tend to take an extreme stand about themselves after years of struggling with issues. One one extreme is self pity and other self hatred.

From a healing point of view, both are really dangerous attitudes. Because they not only prevent us from effectively resolving our issues but also become a very important reason why we are facing issues also. Let us see how.

Self pity is a sorry state. A person with self pity begins to see himself in a sorry state and as a figure of sacrifice. He feels he is a helpless victim of any situation and believes he would remain so. He often spends time in pitying himself and blaming others for his plight. He comes to feel so bad for himself so much that they readily accept the victim’s role as a part of who they are.

And once that happens, they continue to attract situations where they can play victims. The mind always makes true what it believes. It manipulates situations and people around to fulfill its needs and beliefs. So once the person believes he is a victim, he unconsciously seeks to worm himself into situations where he could become one. It is like if you become a doctor, you need to treat patients to justify your role. So you set up a medical practice and start seeking people with illnesses. Much similarly, the mind starts looking for situations and people who would victimize it so the self-pity is justified. These people carry a lot of resentment and anger within.

self hatredSelf hatred also works similarly but on the opposite side of the scale. Person who hates herself usually start playing the role of a perpetrator. She needs to justify her hatred. She just starts looking for victims and situations where she could have reasons to hate herself. In her mind, it’s all her fault! These people also carry a lot of guilt. They also carry a need to punish themselves.

People on these two extremes have a need to make sad stories of their lives. The truth is that need is neither ‘subconscious’ or ‘unconscious’. There is no need for a hypnotherapy regression or ‘psychological evaluation’ to bring up this need to the surface. All one has to do is to watch their thoughts and the motivations will be readily seen. If you can watch your thoughts with complete honesty – which means without denying or resisting them in any way – you can readily find out if you are carrying any of these traits in you. By watching your thoughts, you can also easily realize how you are manipulating yourself into a victim’s or a perpetrator’s role

This becomes the first block to any healing or therapy.  This needs to go in order to resolve other issues in your life. How can self pity and self hatred be healed? All you need is consistent refusal to take that attitude. Be alert in your head and watch your thoughts keenly. The moment you start feeling sorry for yourself and anger for situation or the moment you start cursing yourself and feel severe guilt, just move into the present moment and refuse to take that attitude. Be consistent and you can easily come out of that viewpoint.

Suggested Readings:
Emotional Drama
Power of Manifestation
It’s too late now!

Picture Courtesy: David Castillo Dominici @ freedigitalphotos.net

How much time do you spend for your mental health? – Part 2

Positive thoughts in the morning can set a positive mood for the day.
Positive thoughts in the morning can set a positive mood for the day.

Techniques to mental manage stress and anxiety.

First Impressions Matter

In the previous article (click here) we have seen that the first set of impression we form in the morning soon as we wake up set a mood for the day. Those set of thoughts and emotions are then amplified during the time we spend in the toilet. Similar thoughts get added and we have successfully determined the way our day is going to take shape.

Yes, we cannot control our thoughts. We haven’t all mastered the art of mind control. And control in most cases on ends up increasing or suppressing the thoughts we are trying to control. This only leads to future trouble. So trying not to think in a certain way is not the first step to do here. The trick is learning to ignore thoughts that we do not want to have.

So as soon as we wake up, our thoughts are usually determined by a few variables – the dreams that we had, the plan or expectations for the day, the events of the previous night (which also determined the nature of our dreams), or the circumstances in which we woke up (like woken up rudely by a grumbling member of the family). Anyway, we cannot control these thoughts. But what is under our control is how we react to those thoughts.

Changing our Reactions

We can choose to pick up negative thoughts and moods and amplify them by losing temper and calm. Or we can choose to move over those thoughts and think of some pleasant ones that will set our mood right.

Many think that this is easier said than done. Actually the opposite is true. It is easy to do most of the days and tough only at certain times. The success of the technique lies in knowing that a mood or thought continues as a mindless repetition and also because we want to be in that mood. By knowing this we can do two things to change the way our day’s experiences are shaped. One, since the thoughts are going to be mindless repetition, it means that they may continue for some time and all we need to do here is to ignore them.

Two, by knowing that we feel lousy because we want to, we can simply pause for a moment and ask ourselves how we want to feel throughout the day. That will immediately set our priorities right and we will be able to ignore the negative thoughts and choose to look at the day with positive expectations. The trick again is not to expect thoughts to go away or try to control them, instead to ignore them and focus on the positive.

Yes, there will be certain days where the first thoughts are related to our deep issues that we find it difficult not to want them. When you can’t do anything, the only way you can lessen the impact of that mood on your daily activities is by accepting the truth of the situation. Yes, I am angry and I am not willing to give it up. Accept it and it will help you move on to some extent. The mood could continue through the day, but it will not be as bad as it could be if you had been resisting the mood. Just accept it as such.

The next post, I will give you a very simple meditation technique to help your mind manage stress effectively.

Kiran Relangi

Hypnotherapist
Chennai

Image Courtesy: imagerymajestic @ freedigitalphotos.net

How much time do you spend for your mental health?

Meditation is a good stress busting activity
Meditation is a good stress busting activity

We are all worried and concerned for our physical health. Even though many of us fail to exercise regularly, we still keep an eye on the physical health issues. Though physical health is also a vastly neglected area of our lives, we still think about it once in a while. We diet, join yoga, go for walks or think of doing them all. But how many of us have actually spared such thoughts to our mental health?

Just like physical health, our minds need a stress busting activity and ‘muscle’ building activities too. From our waking moment till the time we get back into bed, our mind is nearly ceaseless in activity. Honestly, most of our thoughts are worthless thoughts like worry, fantasy, repeating thoughts, and random thoughts triggered by various sights and sounds around us. To understand this, just spend a few days minutely recording your thoughts in a journal. You will be very surprised to observe what you think. In fact, a lot of physical stress we experience during a day is due to our mind’s worried thinking. If this activity can be reduced, we will find a huge change in our physical energy levels as well as mental clarity.

Unlike the body, which can demand a lot of maintenance activity, a mind needs simple activities to keep it stress free. The simplest is meditation but sometimes we find the simplest being the toughest. A lot of us would have indeed tried many meditation techniques only to give them up because we found it so difficult to control our thoughts. Only when we want to focus single-mindedly on something that we find all the thoughts in the world flooding our heads.

The truth is if we can manage to prevent our minds from excessive and unnecessary thinking that in itself can make us sharper and stress-free. There are also other techniques to keep our minds healthy and stress free.

First Impressions Matter

If you watch your thoughts keenly, you will also notice that the first thoughts and moods that you have in the day usually set a kind of a ‘trend’ for the day. If you chose to be angry first thing in the morning, you seem to attract anger over and over across the day. Likewise, peaceful thoughts during the morning lead to a relatively peaceful day. It is like you choose a set of mental goggles in the morning and the rest of the day’s experiences filter through those glasses. The most important periods in the morning are the moments you spend in bed immediately after waking up, then your time in the toilet. These are the times when you are mostly in your own world.

In the next article, I will tell you how you can manage to set the best impressions for the day as well as a simple meditation technique that you can do easily.

Suggested Readings:

Frustration: Shortcut to Failure

Semi Conscious Thoughts

Mind Drama

 

Photo Courtesy: artemisphoto @ freedigitalphotos.net

 

How to find a good Hypnotherapist?

Finding a good Hypnotherapist in Chennai or Bangalore or Hyderabad or any other city is not as difficult as you imagine. Just follow simple guidelines so you can be sure you can find a fair playing Hypnotherapist in your city. Click on the article title for more.

It’s been a long while since I wrote a similar article and many things have changed since. So here’s another guide to finding a good Hypnotherapist through online search in your local area.

The most common way we search for Hypnotherapists online is with keywords like Hypnotherapist in Chennai, Bangalore, or other places as necessary. The other method is looking up a local directory for Hypnotherapists or Past Life Regression Therapists in your city.

However, just because a hypnotherapist’s name appears in the top results does not necessarily mean he/she is the best hypnotherapist. It only means the hypnotherapist has got a good Search Engine Optimization (SEO) done. SEO is a set of tools and practises that ensures that your result appears in the first page of Google and other popular search engines. So the task of finding if the hypnotherapist is good enough still remains.

Website and Testimonials: Visiting the website or blog of the hypnotherapist will provide some information about the hypnotherapist but remember the content of the website or blog is always carefully thought out and well written. Mostly not even by the therapist. Testimonials could be of some help but always take them with a pinch of salt.

First Call: Try to talk with the therapist personally. If that is not possible, get an appointment for consultation and meet the therapist before you decide to undergo therapy. Your first impression counts.

Certification: Currently, in India, there are no legal certifications required for one to practise Hypnotherapy. However, a certification from a well-standing institute will at least make sure the hypnotherapist has had a formal training in both theory and practise of Hypnotherapy.

Experience: Find out how many years of practise he/she’s had. More importantly find out if the therapist has had any experience with issues similar to yours (yes that means you need to tell the therapist about your issue, even if briefly, in the first meeting or call).

Quality Time Spent: A therapist may spend only twenty minutes with you but if those twenty minutes have been spent in listening to your case or in offering sound counselling or therapy then you probably are in good hands. But if the therapist is extremely time-conscious to the point of being rude and ending therapy abruptly at the end of the allotted hour, perhaps you may need to change your therapist. Of course, as a client again, you must discuss your issue clearly and stop at that; not go round in circles repeating the same issue as if you are complaining with your family member. In such cases, therapists usually cuts you off, sometimes rudely too.

Misconception: No hypnotherapist can take your mind under control and extract truths from you. Any therapist claiming to do so is a sham and a liar. Get out of there before he/she proceeds to dish out more lies in order to make money out of you.

Rapport and Trust: The main question here is not if the hypnotherapist is good but if the hypnotherapist is good for you! In Hypnotherapy, as in the case of all successful therapies, the first all important requisite is to have a faith in the therapist. So a hypnotherapist might be have the best credentials, years of experience,  and may have come with best recommendations but if you cannot have faith in her/him or at least a good rapport, get out of that place!

At the end of the day, if you intuitively feel the therapist can heal you, just go ahead even if the therapist is not certified, or doesn’t have previous experience. Trust your intuition! For a hypnotherapist is always a guide, the actual healing is done by your subconscious.