Moving on – Beyond Depression

Moving beyond depression is a bit like leaving the ruins of your house blown apart by a sudden explosion. It’s tough! You don’t want to. It makes a melancholic sense to hang on to the broken pieces, hoping that you can still piece things together. You see the ghost of the sorrowful self still lurking in the ruins, lurking behind bare brick walls, standing underneath gaping hole in the ceiling, staring at the starry night framed by naked, twisted steel rods sticking out of the shattered concrete. This ghost has seen the light through the explosion and wants to forever be lost among the ruined foundations.

And when you have realized the immense blessing that the depression has been, the sense of old self becomes a thick nostalgic fog that lingers in the throat. What you’ve lost doesn’t want to leave you entirely. What’s new is not wholly invited. There is such a sense of immense sacrifice that you’d want to cloak it around you as a new identity. You drag it around and display it to the world. But then one day you realize, it’s all done.

Your sense of former self has been blown to bits. The field day you’ve had sobbing in the ruins is done too. The bits don’t belong to you anymore. What happens to the ruins is no longer your concern. Sacrifice is not a virtue anymore. All that’s left is a beautifully broken mind, a seedling of heart sprouting new hope, and a world full of possibilities. Above all a deep sense of aliveness inside that can lead to renewal of innocence and a new song. The cloak is the skin that has been shed. The snake cannot carry it around anymore. There’s no point to it.

If one continues to wrap it around and live in the ruins, one becomes a ghost of the past, haunting places that don’t exist anymore except as fading, weather-torn ruins in time-divorced spaces of the mind. The ghost cannot desperately cling to the thick night to see the glowing light again. The ghost and night needs to pass. Gray needs to give way to purple, and purple to pink, yellow and orange. If you need to let out one last cry, do it now. Let the tears carry away the hopelessness and melancholy that you’ve made your home. And let the final sigh give birth to renewal.

The night is through. Walk out into the dawn. You don’t know what is out there. But then you never did. The child still learns to eagerly crawl, walk, and explore. Let’s not meet the future. Let’s meet this moment fully. Let’s meet each other fully. Let’s meet this world fully.

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Find out what you think about yourself!

We always carry a self-image or a definition of self in not just our heads but in our actions, postures, and critical decisions we make in our lives. In fact, if we look at ourselves closely, the ‘I’ that exists is that self-image. We’d also like to think that we know ourselves better than others do about us and we are very clear about the self-image we hold within. But the truth is almost always far from it. Self awareness is as scarce as common sense. What we believe consciously to be our self-image is, in fact, the defensive-self or the mask we’ve created to face the world. A mask that we’ve built very early in life and have been developing and polishing ever since.

But the true image we hold of ourselves is very deep in our subconscious minds that it takes some practice of awareness to come in contact with it. We get brief glimpse of it when we are provoked into emotion unexpectedly and in our dreams. There are very simple exercises to find out what is truly our opinion about ourselves.

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Voices in your head are subconscious projections of your self-image

If you’d read one of my previous posts about Voices we carry in our heads (opens in new tab/window), you’ll know that most of the time the arguments we have with other people in our heads are not really arguments with others, but actually an inner conflict. I’ve categorized in that post, the various kinds of voices we carry and it is those voices that provide us with real clues and thoughts about self-image.

These ‘voices’ in our heads are extensions of conflicts we’ve had with others in our lives. For instance, say your spouse said something about you and you found it judgmental – say about your capacity to speak up against your boss, you may or may not argue with your spouse about it, but you then carry around a ‘voice’ of your spouse judging your similarly through your daily activities. And you start an internal argument with that voice and it gradually becomes a part of your daily mental noise.

Now coming back to finding out your self-image through the use of this inner voices we carry in our heads, every time an argument pops up in your head try to look at it dispassionately and without attachment as if you are listening to two strangers speaking to each other at a bus stop. By doing that the first thing you may notice about the voice is that it is not actually a real person speaking to you at that point of time but an imagination on your part. Any voice in your head is a part of your imagination and therefore an extension of your beliefs about yourself and not opinions of others. See what category the voice falls into (see Voices in our Heads for the categories).

Voices of guilt and shame point to a kind of self opinion, like say seeing ourselves as a ‘bad’ person or a ‘sinner’. They may even speak about how ‘deserving’ of something good we feel we are. ‘Put-me-downers’ speak about our opinions about our capabilities. They could also be speaking of the ‘loser’ in us. Morality checks also speak about our guilt – more likely our current actions and our own approval and disapproval of them. Voices usually fall into more than one category since at a deeper level all our problems are interconnected webs springing from our sense of insecurity, self-hatred, and fear.

Once you start trying to find your self-image through this exercise, you may encounter the difficulty of trying to watch your inner arguments being pulled into them. It is an expected difficulty. Just keep on with the practice. Every second of dispassionate observation adds to inner enlightenment. Some ‘voice’ may even start commenting on your inability to stay detached and try to use this activity to feed your mental noise. Just be aware of it, and you will be able to bypass it. Remember, awareness is the key.

Welcome to the Guilty New Age

We have crawled out of the Dark Ages into the New Age of reason and intuition, but we have carried our guilts and fears into the light. Can we heal them now?

For centuries, perhaps millennia, fear and guilt have been the primary tools driving our existence and ‘progress’. Civilizations and cultures have relied on these two tools to maintain ‘law and order’. Religious leaders have found them the best allies of piety. Nations and Politics need them to keep vast populations in conformity. Fear and Guilt have become the hammer and wrench of the parenting toolkit.

Today, after centuries of crawling through dark ages we are finally moving into the age of light and awareness. An age where reason and intuition become the equal partners they have always been. We are ushering in the New Earth, but the devil persists. The backbone is still the same old guilt and fear. Now there is a third partner – Anger. Our generation’s anger and guilt is a heavy stone-filled rucksack we shoulder day and night. Without them, it feels too light and that’s more guilt. How can I enjoy when the world is in suffering? We carry them because they give us a purpose in life. As if we really matter.

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Angry and Guilty (“Stock photo. Posed by model.” ) Image Courtesy: http://www.freeimages.com

We are guilty of pleasures – no, not the old world pleasures of sex and food – we have liberated those from the gilded cage of guilt. Our generation is guilty of happiness, wealth, comfort and even peace. We are angry and guilty that we raped our earth. We are guilty that we aren’t doing yoga every day. We are guilty to sink into a sofa. We are angry that our family members use plastic. We have guilt of our privileges and wealth. We are angry at our own judgments. We live in guilt, eat in guilt, look into mirrors with anger. We are angry that we are guilty. We are guilty that we are angry all the time. We are the same old ‘morally outraged’ people as any generation before us, only the commandments are different. The New Age has become just old wine in new bottle.

And we are simply passing that on to our next generations. Fear and Guilt are again the tools out of parenting tool kits. I don’t beat my child nor use verbal abuse, but my child is so sensitive today that all it takes to give it a good beating is a look of reproach and blame. I know it makes me guilty to do that, but unless I learn to heal my guilt and anger, I cannot stop giving programmed responses to others. Does it mean that I should stop saving the earth in the meanwhile?

Well, isn’t healing ourselves the greatest contribution towards a better earth? What about plastic and violence then? Let’s look at the motivation behind the question in the first place. Why are we concerned about plastic? Is it because I love this earth all the time, or is it because I am carrying guilt all the time? Perhaps a bit of both. And violence, why do I want to put an end to it? Is it because I love humanity so much that I don’t want to see the end of it, or is it because I live in fear all the time. A bit of both.

If we try to heal just the symptoms without examining the causes, we will simply end up replacing the old symptoms with new ones. In fact, humans have just been doing it over the centuries.

Well, then how can I get rid of my guilt, anger, and fear then? Aren’t they the root causes to all of this? But what is causing them, who is experiencing them? I am not asking a ‘spiritual’ question here. I am asking a practical question. If anger, fear and guilt need to be healed, the one who is experiencing it needs to heal. But who is that ‘one’ when all anger, guilt, and fear are healed? Who is the ‘one’ who is constantly having equally opposing thoughts all the time? Who is the ‘one’ who is on a mission to ‘save’ the world? Am I? Who is the one that is apart from the world? What makes me, me without anger, guilt, and fear? Can we really look at ourselves and ask these questions seriously?

Perhaps these questions are too ‘impractical’ and ‘vague’ to be of real use to some of us. Maybe in that case, I should simply start becoming less and less morally outraged as a start towards healing this guilt and anger. Perhaps I should simply start watching myself and my feelings without too much attachment so as to see the inner movements of fear, guilt and anger before they even become external realities. Perhaps just observing will bring to light many hidden destructive pathways that I seem to take every day with practiced ease.

And what use is it if I do all of the above to save the earth and my children from suffering. That would simply create more guilt and anger every time I fail. Maybe it is time to acknowledge my own suffering as the greatest obstacle to healing and real peace. Maybe it is time to see suffering as the cause of it all. Can we choose to move away from suffering?

Voices in Our Heads

How we imagine criticism from others and carry those voices in our heads to keep our sanity alive.

“Voices in Our Heads
Voices in Our Heads
We carry them to our grave”

Often people judge us. They are ever willing to comment upon our appearance, performance, occupation, status, behavior, our decisions and some intrepid commentators even enter our minds to dictate our thought flow.

Who are these people who judge us? If we care to spare a thought to it, we’d realize they are not faceless and nameless bunch of strangers we often call society, but they are the very near and dear. Beginning with our parents, they include our sibling, our friends, spouses, children, families next door, colleagues in office, mates in classrooms, and now our friends on Facebook, Twitter, and other social networks we frequent. In fact the closer a person is to us, more their opinion matters.

How often do we let our actions and decisions in our lives be influenced by how others perceive us? We like to think it isn’t as often as it actually is . Again, if we cared to notice we would be shocked to see how much we go out of our way to impress our judges and to conform to their standards. And boy do we hate ourselves for it! Some of us do the opposite and do everything possible to provoke and anger the judges of their world. And boy do they hate themselves for it!

But the greatest woe to us being social animals is how we carry the voices of these judges in our heads even in their physical absence and let those voices dictate our reactions and behavior. In fact, if we really observe, we are more influenced by the voices in our heads than actual situations of judgement and criticism from outside in our lives. We lose peace and joy with these voices running our lives from our heads. How are we to let go of these voices ? How can we shut those people from passing commentary and judgement on everything we do?

It begins with the stark realization that these people do not actually exist except when we are in direct contact with them! What it means is that their voices in our heads are not opinions of people but are distorted echoes of our own beliefs and programming. It is easier to understand this if we understand the kinds of voices we carry in our heads.

Voices of Guilt

Friend/Colleague: “Well, at least I take care of my parents! I didn’t abandon them in their old age!”

Parent or Spouse shaking their head in disapproval when we are tempted to drink more or spend money on shopping.

Guilt is a sticky residue that takes very long to wear off. In social structures, guilt and fear are greatest tools for control and they are used everywhere right from child rearing to politics in keeping vast populations in check. It is easy to find people who can be the judges of our guilt in our heads. In the beginning it is the parents, then we have friends, sibling, spouses, colleagues doing the jobs satisfactorily in our heads. Essentially they are our conscience.

Shame Reminders

Shame is a stronger counterpart of guilt. Religious and national shame and guilt are commonly programmed in early life. Shame about sexuality is a very strong programming that leads to suppression of physical joy and pleasure. Hence imaginary voices reminding us of our shame is one of the easiest to surface since suppressed emotions do not tend to stay suppressed for very long.

It is more common among those of us who have been rebellious against norms and morals in our early ages. It is also commonly prevalent among those who have been sexually abused/exploited.

Morality Checks

A studious brother/sister becomes a morality checker in the head of a cheating student.

A environment friendly colleague turns a morality checker for a luxury loving person.

Guilt in turn breeds severity. Eventually, guilt in our psyche turns us into moral policemen of sorts first with ourselves and then with our families and professional circles. We find convenient voices from our own family and circles to be moral reminders. These are played in our heads as imaginary situations where our moral laxity is being noticed by the more upright person. Sometimes we find also ourselves wondering how the other person would behave in a situation that we currently are in and that imaginary situation can influence our current decisions.

Put-Me-Downers

Parent/Teacher/Team Leader: “You could have done better!”

Neighbor/Old Classmate/Wealthy Uncle: “Do you know how much I earn in a year?”

How often we hear voices of our near and dear in our heads disparaging our accomplishments and efforts. Birthed by own low self-esteem and self worth, these voices seek to increase guilt and constantly make us feel worthless. No matter what our accomplishments or how proud we feel about them, these voices will quickly demolish the pride and the perspective.

Self Hatred Voices

Shame makes us hate ourselves. And since guilt and shame cannot be kept hidden for long, they gradually increase self-hatred, which in turn feeds the shame and guilt. A vicious cycle indeed! These voices are stronger and more malicious than Put-Me-Downer voices. They bring a barrage of shame, guilt, moral degradation, feelings of worthlessness all at once. It also breeds rage within.

The voices of people we employ in our heads to feed our feelings of self-hatred turn those people into real villains for us in our social lives. They become unforgivable and hateful for us. A real challenge to overcome!

Sometimes these voices are also faceless criticisms running in our heads. Eventually they wear the masks of someone we know. At times it is a random stranger we face in the streets. At times it is even a simple sound or smell. For instance the sound of running water is a guilt reminder for me. I cannot be peaceful until I find the source of the running water and turn it off.

By now its become clear that most of these voices stem from unresolved emotions and bad self-opinion we carry within. We simply put masks to those voices, blame people around us for the suffering we undergo and attempt to unsatisfactorily resolve the situation by reacting to or avoiding the people around us. In all honesty we know that isn’t the problem.

Another aspect that becomes clear to us is that we love the drama of arguing within our heads. Demonizing somebody other than us is the easiest way to keep the drama alive.

So how do we free ourselves from these debilitating self-criticisms?

Keeping our heads above the waters

Well the first step is to keep our heads above the waters. That is to be clear at all times that the voices we carry in our heads do not really belong to the persons we imagine them to be of but they are just projections of our own suppressed/undealt psyche. That way we do not drown in the drama of emotions.

The simplest way to deal with this is to look at the drama in our head when it is happening and asking ourselves if the voice that is running in the mind actually has a physical body then and there. Is the person actually present right now or am I simply arguing with her/him in my head? When the person is not present, it means that the criticism in the head is a mental project of my own thoughts no matter how true it seems to the character of the person I imagine the voice to be of. At times even such validation cannot keep us from the temptation to have drama in our heads. Especially when we are righteously angered which is most anger!

Facing our hidden selves

The second step is facing the hidden emotions and beliefs. We can never really be free of self-accusations until we learn to face the suppressed emotions and programs that are causing the accusations to fly in the first place.

Most of us are afraid of facing them. We assume that by bringing up the suppressed emotions we will bring back all the bad things that have happened to us in the past. Some of us even go to the extent of ‘rationalizing’ them away. That is one of the greatest sins of our times – using rationality to desensitize ourselves. Emotions cannot always be ‘rationalized away’, they just disappear into our subconscious to work within us below the radar of the conscious mind.

Facing the suppressed emotions does mean facing some of our greatest fears but also not at the same time. Just like we put masks and voices to our own unresolved emotions and conflicting beliefs, similarly we also have objectified our greatest fears. All fear is simply fear at the end. The object of fear is the mask we have created in order to keep our sanity alive. Facing our unresolved emotions does not mean we will be forced to face the objects of fear, but it means facing the fear itself.

And by facing, it simply means that – facing. Not trying to deal with it, not trying to work through it, not trying to be courageous. But simply sitting with it and watching it.

Letting our fears through

Unresolved emotions remain unresolved because we haven’t let them through. We haven’t let them go. Facing the emotions and fears means letting them go. How to do that? Ever heard a bell or a gong ring. It begins with a rising pitch, reaches a peak pitch, and begins to fade and finally it is gone. Letting emotions pass is very similar to listening to the ringing of a bell. We just have to watch them through. We do not have to do that all at once, we just have to begin. Can we not do that?

The greatest obstacle to watching our guilts, shame, and fears go is not the lack of ability to do so but our programmed beliefs and moral codes. Social, educational, economical, religious, political, spiritual and cultural morals, codes, beliefs, and systems that have been devised keep our humanity alive have today themselves have become roadblocks to their own goals. We are afraid that by letting our guilts and shame go, we would turn decadent and immoral. But it is, in truth, our repressed emotions that are leading us to violate our moral codes and beliefs. And letting go of guilt does not lead to lack of restraint. Hanging on to it does.

Similar false logic applies to our fears. If I let go of my greatest fear, then I will face my greatest fear. That is my fear of ghosts is what is keeping me from being tormented by ghosts. But the truth is if I let go of my greatest fear, then there is no greatest fear to face at all.

Can we keep away from such mind play? Can we really question our beliefs and codes? Not to break them or bypass them, but to let go of our prejudices against ourselves. We need a healthy relationship with ourselves over a healthy relationship with our beliefs and programs. Can we not do that?

We Are Going On A Long Leave

Short GoodbyeThere come many opportunities in a person’s life when they can choose to follow their hearts or continue living in fears and insecurities of the mind. We (Geetha and I) have passed through quite a few and perhaps there lie a few more ahead of us. Most of the times, our choice was of the heart but once in a while we let our fears cloud us and keep us in the same of loop of suffering. We are once more at one such juncture in our lives.

This time the choice was unhesitating and simultaneous for both of us. Now, we’ve both come to a clear realization that further and truer healing cannot happen with conventional therapy but rather through a deeper introspection and awareness. And stepping into pure present moment awareness means we cannot avoid stepping into the unknown that follows it immediately. And to do that we realized we simply have to put in more faith into the life within and trust it to take care of us. And we are doing that. We are going away together to explore and experiment in deeper and truer healing. And, as usual with our lives so far, the experiment is first on us. We didn’t have to go away to let this healing happen, but the moment the realization to heal deeper came for us the universe opened doors for a perfect space to heal!

As a result, we are both taking a long sabbatical and we are closing Purple Room Healing for the public. The leave is for at least six months. The blog and all its articles will still be available for you all. We are also opening a site and another blog to share our onward (and inward) journey and to write about the practice of awareness. We will announce them here soon once we have made the physical transition to our new home and personal healing space.

Thank you all clients and friends who made this journey with us. We learnt a lot from each of you and we hope each of you had equally benefited through the help we could extend.

“The only freedom we’ve got is not to react to anything, but to turn within and know the truth.” – Robert Adams

Emotional See Saw – The ‘Other’ Side That We Often Overlook

All emotional ups involve indulgence, identification with the emotion...
All emotional ups involve indulgence, identification with the emotion…

Anger and frustration are emotions of high energy. Unlike states like depression, these high energy emotions need immediate venting and they are hard to keep suppressed for long. We want to do something when we identify ourselves with those emotions. We become very impulsive and often do things that we regret later on.

In our attempts to healing them we usually overlook the intimate connection between a negative high and a positive high in an emotional cycle and the underlying principles that dictate both. And this ignorance, unfortunately, keeps us from healing ourselves. Let us look at what happens when we experience high-energy negative emotions like anger and compare them with certain, what we call, ‘positive’ emotions.

When we are angry or frustrated, we lend our whole being and identity to that particular emotion, which means there is a high degree of self-indulgence. We tend to become impulsive. We let the emotion dictate how we react to the circumstances and to the people around us, as well as with ourselves. Our actions and words are influenced by the emotion.

When we look at our ‘positive’ high-spirited behavior (which is our idea of having fun or being happy) the same principles that govern the negative emotions are being applied here too. We lend our identity to that mood or emotion, we indulge ourselves, we become impulsive, and we speak and behave under the influence of the emotion. Think of any activity that is fun for you. It could be hanging out with friends, becoming impish, eating, dancing, singing, sexual indulgence, etc. The external activity varies from person to person.

The reason why we fail to identify this is because we mistake positive high-spirited activity for happiness. Unfortunately it is not. More often than not, the ‘positive’ high-spirited activity is largely our desperate attempt at ‘filling’ our life with seeming happiness rather than actually happiness and contentment itself.

Please note that some of the same activities may be performed without it becoming your illusory positive high. You could involve yourself into dancing and reach a calm state of mind. That is not the illusory positive high that I am talking of. So how do we identify that illusory positive high emotion that leads to indulgence?

Caution: Emotional Ups and Downs Ahead
Caution: Emotional Ups and Downs Ahead

Look for exhaustion, tiredness, and a lingering unease and boredom. When we are engaged in indulgence that gives us an illusion of happiness and joy, we will also find it exhausting and draining – especially towards the end of the activity you will find yourself desperately and mechanically clinging to the activity but you are not really involved in it really. There sometimes is a sense of uneasiness and boredom towards the end. None of these side effects are seen when we are really content with lives – when we are truly happy.

Our body always looks to balance our energy levels. So a bout of high-energy activity will be followed by a period of low energy levels. Emotionally it could be a period of depression, lack of interest, and a sense of despair. It may not necessarily occur right after a bout of high energy activity. The duration of the period could even be weeks. So there could days or weeks of high activity followed by a few weeks of depression and despair.

Expecting to heal our anger while we continue to indulge ourselves in ‘fun’ is unrealistic. So does that mean we must cut down upon our ‘fun’ activities? Cutting down will not lead to healing; it will only cause a future outburst of excess indulgence. Unfortunately our culture tries to teach us self-control and suppression. Control and suppression is not a path of healing.

The only path to healing is by understanding the emotions and their underlying causes completely. For in deep observation and understanding the conditions for pain dissolve and we discover ourselves.

Hypnotherapy is one therapy that can help identify our habits of emotional highs and lows through regression techniques. Many a time, ‘seeing’ the whole of our past patterns alone helps us dissolve a large part of that habit subconsciously.

Recommended Readings:
Emotional Drama
Mind Drama
Eternal Human Conflict

Image Courtesy:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/harmishhk/with/8642273025/
http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/view_photog.php?photogid=5897

Funnel Vision: How we fabricate our own doomed futures

We let our experiences limit our future possibilities.
We let our experiences limit our future possibilities.

How many straight lines can we draw from a dot? Infinite. It means there is infinite number of viewpoints from which you can see a dot. How many straight lines can we draw connecting two dots? Only one. And this line can be further projected on any side of the dots to predict the occurrence of similar dots. This is funnel vision. As our mind connects similar experiences (dots) across time, it tends to project a future with narrowed possibilities and diminishing joy. Think of it as an inverted funnel place in front of our eyes, like eyeglasses, and we can see only through the small opening at the base of the funnel.

Funnel Effect is common to all of us and most of us fail to recognize its presence and effect upon our lives. Our minds have infinite capacities to bring to us (or take us into) those experiences that prove our existing beliefs. For instance, if a girl believes that all her romantic relationships would end in the man dumping her then that is all she will experience or fight against one relationship after the other. After a few relationships, she may form a new belief that all men are untrustworthy. And she then continues to attract herself into hands of such men. And if she chances upon a trustworthy relationship, her funnel vision can cause her to remain suspicious of the man in her life and can even end up in severing the relationship out of her inability to trust him.

What this girl, in this instance, fails to understand is that her first incident of heartbreak had become the base out of which she operated in the next experiences. Either she would want the same outcome if it makes her happy, or she would want to avoid the outcome if it had suffered her. The very pain has become a yardstick of measure for her. And even the very first experience could have been attracted due to an underlying feeling of undeservedness and poor self-image she had experienced in childhood.

The problem with this emotional approach is that the emotions can make a mere possibility seem a certainty thus creating an anticipation and preparedness – a narrowing of our vision. Naturally when the situation occurs we interpret it through our narrowed or filtered vision and give out prepared reactions only to regret later on. Sometimes the narrowed viewpoint is so strong that we may not even realize our misinterpretation for long.

Our rational mind is also not free from such bias or funnel vision. In fact, it can have more devastating effects in some cases. When a logical mind has to make predictions about an event, it always estimates possibilities based on past similar experiences in our lives or other’s. But all data from past is based not on reality but on the memory of the experience of the reality – either ours or of others around us. That’s like mistaking twice adulterated milk to be pure milk.

Another problem with rational mind is its blind reliance on science. There is an excellent dialogue from the movie Men in Black that beautifully illustrates this problem. Tommy Lee Jones makes this statement to Will Smith after Smith’s first experience with an alien being: “Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew the Earth was the center of the universe. Five hundred years ago, everybody knew the Earth was flat, and fifteen minutes ago, you knew that humans were alone on this planet. Imagine what you’ll know tomorrow.”

A logical mind concludes often fails to understand what it ‘knows’ could be just one, its personal, version of reality and not the truth.

Logical mind kills joy because of its tendency to be too controlling. Emotional mind increases pain because of its tendency to indulge. Funnel vision causes this to become reality of the future. Think of it as series of dots joined by a line, only the mind did not just create the line but it even ended up creating the dot after dot in its life based on its past prejudices.

When experiences in our lives become our beliefs, we undergo a gradual narrowing of our vision and philosophy in our lives to such extent that all we get to experience of life is but a tiniest fraction of its wondrous spectrum of possibilities. We trace a path of suffering, struggle, and strife ahead of us and end up living it just because we assumed a possibility to be a certainty.

So how do we get rid of this funnel in front of our eyes? By first acknowledging its presence. Unless we know our vision is narrow, we will remain the proverbial frog in a well that thinks the well is the whole universe.

Paying complete attention to the moment can dissolve funnel vision and expand our horizons.
Paying complete attention to the moment can dissolve funnel vision and expand our horizons.

The second step is to learn to be in the moment instead of simply accepting the viewpoint our thoughts portray based on our past memories. We cannot stop the funnel vision from giving extremely convincing viewpoints. But we can stop ourselves from entirely believing the viewpoints and being open to the present moment as if it were our first experience. And that is also the truth. No matter how many times we may have experienced events similar to the current situations we are in, we have never experienced this moment before.

We can color this moment and make it as painful as the past with our complicit acceptance of the funnel vision. Or we can simply let every moment become a fresh experience by paying attention to this moment to see what we can experience this time. When we remain absolutely open to the moment, life can surprise us with new joys and experiences that we never had before. Deeper doors within us can open up making us more sensitive to the wonders of life. And this also serves to widen our visions and eventually get rid of the funnel effect altogether.

Suggested Readings:
Cinderella Syndrome
Simple Meditation Technique to deal with Anxiety
Self Abuse

Photo Courtesy by freedigitalphotos
Dark Tunnel With Light by pakorn
Cityscape Sunset by Vichaya Kiatying-Angsulee

What is the true human language?

How come animals communicate better with each other than humans in spite of so many languages?
How come animals communicate better with each other than humans in spite of so many languages?

When a cat from one side of the earth is introduced to the other side of the planet, it can still very well communicate with cats there.  It can express its annoyance, pleasure, needs, and displeasure with the ‘local’ cats as easily as it was a native there. So can dogs, birds, rats, monkeys, and probably all creatures on this planet – all except humans.

Humans are the only creatures on this planet that have a difficulty communicating in distant lands. With our language barriers we have truly made most parts of the earth ‘foreign’ to us. This raises so many questions. Why is this so with the most intelligent beings on the earth? Does that actually prove we are, after all, not as intelligent as we believe? And what then, is the true human language? And is there one?

Let us imagine ourselves in a past where humans were yet to invent spoken language. What do you think have been our mode of communication then? We probably used our bodies and the small range of sounds our throats could reproduce then. Have you ever tried communicating with just your body and ‘unintelligible’ sounds? (The reason why I put ‘unintelligible’ in quotes is because they aren’t actually unintelligible like we are led to believe). Try this out as an experiment.

The truth is we all communicate more with our bodies and ‘unintelligible’ sounds than with spoken language. But we have only consciously trained ourselves to listen and respond to constructed language. How often do you find an impression forming in your mind about a person as soon as you saw the person? Very often, if not, always. How are you able to do that?

Today this innate ability to communicate is largely ignored and a fraction of it is categorized under a topic called non-verbal communication and is taught in workshops. Most such trainings tell us about how to manipulate and create false impressions through use of body language in business and relationships space.

So why is it so important to tap into this innate communication ability? Because at the subconscious level our mind doesn’t think in English, or any of our native constructed languages! In fact, at a deeper level thoughts and actions (the execution of those thoughts) happen simultaneously. There is no inherent difference between them. Such a difference is only apparent at a conscious thought level.

We are constantly communicating our intentions, thoughts, and emotions through our bodies and other subtler means of communication and we are missing out on that large chunk of human communication. Animals, on the other hand, survive and thrive on that natural language system. And that is not an area where we can proudly boast of our superiority over other known creatures on earth. It makes us deeply disconnected with each other as well as our connection with the rest of the natural world around us.

Relationship Issues - Body Language TrainingHow many times relationships go sour just because they people involved didn’t have an ‘open communication’? They didn’t ‘talk’ about it. How come there are no betrayals and heartbreaks in the animal world? That animals cannot feel love is not an acceptable answer. I am not saying constructed language is the problem. In fact it can even be a better solution. Would I be able to communicate all of this without a constructed language? One major problem is the neglect of our natural language of body and mind.

Today speaking through a constructed language seems natural. But think of it for a moment. Unless you learn the meaning of a word in a particular language can you understand when it is being used. How many times you found a language funny or ridiculous because you don’t understand the meaning of the words? Because stripped of its given meaning, it is just another random sound that the vocal chords have produced.

We know this woman is not happy without her having to speak a word.
We know this woman is not happy without her having to speak a word.

But how many times have you noticed a friend’s or family member’s face and immediately understood they weren’t feeling good? Natural communication is built into us that we often grossly neglect or misuse. I do not want to call this body language or non-verbal communication (though sometimes I do that for the sake of avoiding lengthy explanations). That sort of makes it sound secondary to primary communication. Of course that is true in today’s world of verbal communication.

The primary reason why I don’t want to use those terms is because what we teach or learn in the name of body language or non-verbal communication is barely a fraction of the natural communication ability we possess. Some of our communication systems are so disused that it needs a certain amount of working on them to bring them back to their full capacity.

Have you noticed that a lot of ego clashes in economic and social situations occur even before any words are spoken by the parties involved?

Think of this – how does a wild monkey know when to supplement its largely vegetarian diet with insects and rodents to maintain an adequate protein levels in its system? And how come we need a specialist using special equipment to tell us that same thing? How does a monkey or any other creature listen to and follow those signals within? This too is an area of communication – of body to conscious mind. This area of natural communication has been pushed into an area of intuition or spirituality and we stress the importance of outward learning through constructed language as the primary.

So is our true language is of the body and the mind? Probably. When you explore your mind and body systems deeper through observation of self, we find silence, strange as it might sound, is probably our natural communication system. Not the kind of pregnant silence that we find in embarrassing situations but a pure and absolute silence devoid of any meaning. They say the most successful communication happens when you listen. In absolute silence we gain an ability to really know what our bodies are telling us, and even what others are going through. This is also the space which spiritual saints say reveals our true nature to us, but that is another topic altogether.

Though all may not definitively accept the impact of natural language of body and mind over spoken and written language, none of us can deny its presence. And unless we learn to ‘tune’ into it and learn to understand its impact, we are losing out on a significant part of human communication and connection.

Suggested :
Simple Meditation Technique
Emotional Drama: Our Addiction to Issues
Power of Manifestation

Photo Courtesy:
freedigitalphotos
Monkeys Checking For Fleas On Dog’ by noomhh
‘Sad Woman’ by graur codrin
‘Couple Lying In Bed Back-to-back’ by Ambro

Peer Pressure on Parents

Parental peer pressure is often a neglected and unacknowledged influence that exerts adverse effects on parents and even more so on their children. Often, the consequence of this pressure such as driving children to perform more in academics, sports, and arts is seen as a desirable trait than a deplorable reality.

Usually peer pressure is associated with children, teenagers, and in areas of academics and profession. But it is never acknowledged in other roles that adults take up, such as parenting. But if we observe closely, we notice that a significant part of parental behavior is dictated by their peers and programmed beliefs about how a parent ought to behave.

In these cases, the peers include neighbors, relatives, and friends with children. Even parents of the parents become peers. As always peer pressure, even more so in parenting, too is an unacknowledged but undeniable powerful force that influence that often leads to adverse effects than any benefits.

Peer pressure in parenting leads each parent to imitate a peer of theirs, mislead by the assumption that such behavior is idealistic and is best for the child. But unfortunately, what’s best for one child is need not be so for another.

father beating childThe pressure felt by parents is often shown on the children with adverse effects on them. Severe restrictions and impossible goals are laid upon the child, all under the guise of ensuring the child’s future when it is actually peer pressure for the parent. And any failure on the part of the child to comply with the rules and goals are met with punishment measures ranging from mild to severe. More the pressure a parent lets in from peers the more severe the restrictions or punishments for the child.

Parents begin to compare their child with other children, thus effectively creating peer pressure for the child. A child’s performance at school, sports, arts, or even casual play becomes the parent’s measure of success in parenting and thus a personal connection between the child’s so called successes and parent’s identity is established. The child becomes an object and an instrument through which a parent can establish his/her identity and success amidst peers.

In cases where the parents of parents become the peers it is often in a context of dissociation from the peer group, meaning the parents do not want to raise their children as their parents raised them. This, in view of the parents and other peers, is seen as a positive behavior. Unfortunately it is not so. This viewpoint again places the need of the parent to prove to be a better parent over the actual needs of the child. It also presupposes that since the parent’s upbringing was bad the opposite behavior is good.

peer pressure on parentsI have had cases where peer pressure has led the parents to discriminate their children on even their physical appearance. Parents scolding or even physically assault their children for their weight issues, and their sicknesses.

Abuse of the child is common, especially in countries like India. The parent specifically requesting the teachers to punish their child to make her/him perform is even sometimes seen as a desirable parenting trait than a deplorable reality.

Of course every parent wants the best for their child, but the problem lies in blindly accepting the established norms or choices of peers is the best for their child.

On the other extreme, parents who have become the model peers succumb to the pressure of maintaining that social image and, as a result, cause suffering to themselves and their children.

Peer pressure makes it easy for a parent to fall prey to manipulation by others. For instance it is easy to lead such parents to believe certain lifestyles, products, and services are better for their child’s welfare. The best example in this context is micro-chipping of school uniforms – a proposal, and a reality in some schools, in countries like the US, Brazil, and the UK. A local example would be the marketing of certain food products for children which promise a ready performance improvement in the child’s performance when their products are consumed.

Peer pressure in parenting can only be changed when its presence is first acknowledged by the parent and then realizing that it only exerts an adverse influence on the parent and the child. Peer pressure is not about pressure from outside. It always occurs when adults compare themselves to their peers due to some existing feeling of lack within or out of fear of failure.

In a significant amount of cases where parents bring their children to hypnotherapy, the child’s problem is born out of parental pressure. I have also had cases where the child has absolutely no issues, but the parent is coercing the child into behaving the way the parent wants. In these cases, the parents are not even willing to listen to the fact the problem lies with them rather than with their children.

Suggested Readings:
Emotional Drama: Our Addiction to Issues
A Guitar Player Among Footballers

Photo Courtesy: David Castillo Dominici at freedigitalphotos.net

Self Abuse: The Most Rampant Core Issue

Self acceptance can be the root of most problems, if not all, in life!
Self acceptance can be the root of most problems, if not all, in life!

Try this simple exercise: Stand before a mirror. Looking at your image in the mirror and ask yourself if you can genuinely say yes to the following questions:

Can you completely accept the person you see in the mirror with all the person’s faults and limitations?
Can you absolutely forgive the person in the mirror for all the sins and mistakes in the person’s past?
Can you love that person unconditionally?
Can you approve that person’s behavior and personality?

If you genuinely try this exercise a few times you will realize it difficult to say yes from the bottom of your heart to all of the above questions.

But try this exercise again with a small change.

If the person in the mirror was someone you love, say your child, you wouldn't have trouble accepting, forgiving, and loving the person!
If the person in the mirror was someone you love, say your child, you wouldn’t have trouble accepting, forgiving, and loving the person!

Imagine that person in the mirror to be your brother, sister, a parent, a child, your best friend, or someone you love very much. Now ask the same questions above. You will notice you can now actually say yes to all of them quite easily and willingly.

Now look at the person in the mirror again and answer this following question:

How many times have you scolded or disapproved of that person for something or the other on the past?
How many times have you become angry with that person in the past?
If you verbalized your disapproval and anger you showed at yourself to another person say your brother, sister, a parent, a child, a friend or someone you love very much, would it not constitute abuse? Would it not be such worst abuse that you become legally punishable?

The answer in most cases is an ashamed yes.

Think back to all the times you hated yourself and shouted at yourself and you will know the answer for yourself.

We all carry an inner critic – a hard-to-please, strict disciplinarian. There is no pleasing this critic. The problem is in attempting it. Sometimes we hear it as the voice of our parent in our head, sometimes it is the voice of a neighbor, a peer, a boss, spouse, and at other times it is just our voice. We can forgive others for their shortcomings easily but we always are unforgiving perfectionists when it comes to ourselves. And that paves the shortest route to ruin and suffering.

Self Abuse is the most rampant of all issues and unless we can each learn to deal with our opinion of ourselves everything we do in our daily lives will only increase our insecurities.

Do the mirror exercise every day. Simply stand before the mirror and say that you accept the person in the mirror, forgive that person, affirm that you love that person, and approve of that person. Keep doing it until you can do it without any inner hesitation or emotions blocking you.

There are so many versions of mirror exercises out there in the web. In spite of the variations, the goal is same, absolute self-acceptance.

How would you know you have accepted yourself? When you notice you are no longer abusing yourself with mental, verbal, and physical self-destructive behavior. The day you stop chiding yourself for every small thing in your life, you have truly reached a state of self-acceptance. That day you will also notice a dramatic change in the way people around you treat you.

When people approach me for Hypnotherapy or Reiki Healing for any issue, this is one of the most common exercises we ask them to do. Self image is the area where most often root causes are revealed in regression sessions.

Suggested Readings:
Do You Deserve To Be Healed?
Fears Could Be Mirrors for Self Examination
It’s Too Late Now!

Photo Courtesy:
adamrArvind Balaraman @ freedigitalphotos.net

 

My Parents Ruined My Life

child abuse‘My dad would beat me up and tie me to the bed post.’

‘My mother never let me go out with friends because she felt they were not right for me.’

‘My father never had confidence in me.’

‘My parents forced me into this marriage.’

‘Both my mom and dad knew about the abuse I was undergoing, but they didn’t want to lose face in the society. So they did nothing.’

I get clients who had a difficult childhood. Some of them grew with parents who constantly fought with each other, some of them had an over-protective single parent, some of them had very strict parents, and some of them were with parents who hardly acknowledged their presence.

In many ways each of us had trouble with our parents and hated them on more than one occasion. Most of us learn to cope and a very few actually resolve their issues with them. But for some of the clients the childhood would be so bad that they would carry the scars into their adult lives very badly.

Excuse to Ruin Your Life Further

These people blame their parents for their lives being a mess today. They carry the pain and guilt and it practically ruins their lives. Over a period of time this becomes a good excuse to shirk responsibility and avoid facing their fears. dejectionIt is the new comfort zone – ‘our shell’ so to speak.

Then from a genuine anger it turns into a defence mechanism born out of frustration. After parents they start unconsciously choosing other replacements to blame their frustrations and failures upon.

The Present Is Not the Past

It may be true that they had been through severely traumatic past. But the truth is that such clients have chosen to cling to the past. This is a point where most healing comes to a standstill. In fact this is where most of our lives come to a standstill itself. We have put our present and future on a pause interminably.

No matter how painful the past may have been, choosing to make the best of the present is the only solution. If we can understand that past may have been the time when we were helpless but present is all ours, we can find it easy to realize we are not that helpless afterall. The past never haunts us, we cling to the past for various reasons.

Process of Letting Go

past present futureOf course only way to move on is to let go. That means not only letting go of the pains of the past but, more importantly, letting go of past resentments and regrets.

I’ve often seen that resentment, regret, and guilt are the biggest blocks to healing and all progress.

And with clients who are not willing to let go or, in some cases, not even willing to acknowledge they are clinging to the past, all we do is end the therapy for good. We have no choice. The choice rests with the person who is carrying the past.

Adult Is Not A Child

Obvious isn’t. Yet we do not apply it most of the time.

Yes, parents may have been responsible for your low self-opinion in your early childhood. But you are not that child anymore. The truth is that if you are old enough to realize the mistake lies with your parents in your childhood, you are also old enough to understand the mistake now lies with you in choosing to wear the past like a jacket around you.

We all have a choice to make – we can either acknowledge that we are not as bad as we think we are (and nor is our situation) and let go of the past, or we can hang on to live in the past and continue to drive our life in a downward spiral hoping to get our parents to regret and repent their mistakes.

Parents Need To Realize or Suffer

In order to impress upon the parents their suffering, some of us go to the extreme of hurting ourselves and our lives.

A simple understanding here makes it easy to choose the healing path. The person facing the problem today is not the parents but you. The life at stake is not the parents’ but yours.

And the more we try to push our parents to realize the truth through our suffering, the more we are abusing ourselves. It actually has an opposite effect too. It only strengthens parent’s negative viewpoint about us.

Nobody Understands Me

sadnessYes, nobody can, nobody will. And for this precise reason, only we can change our lives.

Suffering is there to tell us we are going the wrong way and need to change our ways. It is not there to tell us to change the world.

Unless they are ready to let go of the past, people who blame their parents, cannot find happiness or satisfaction in life. They think they are willing to sacrifice the happiness too, but the truth is they haven’t. Their lives are caught between trying to punish themselves or their parents and trying to find happiness and peace. The two goals are mutually exclusive. It just gives rise to a traumatic existence and a miserable future.

Suggested Readings:

Quarrel With Your Spouse If You Want to Ruin Your Child’s Life

It’s Too Late

A Guitar Player Among Footballers

 

Photo Courtesy:
freedigitalphotos.net
Woman Hitting Her Son by David Castillo Dominici
Sad Woman Sitting Alone In Room by FrameAngel
Past, Present And Future Sign by artur84
Beautiful Hispanic Woman With A Very Sad Expression by Sira Anamwong

 

 

Cord Cutting – Introduction, Benefits and Detailed Procedure for Self Healing

A brief about Energetic Cords.

Cord Cutting can help improve relationships
Cord Cutting can help improve relationships

When people are in any kind of a relationship they start bonding to each other through energetic cords. Think of them as tubes of various sorts connecting one another. There are basically two kinds of cords. Soul level cords – these are cords of love and they cannot be cut. These are soul level connections which share just love between each other. They do not harm the person. The second kind of cords are personality or karmic cords – these are cords that can exert unnecessary influence on each other. They are formed willingly albeit subconsciously. They are formed out of repeated behaviour by the people in relationship or through one major emotional event. For instance, a mother who routinely blames a son for not being good to her and the son allowing those accusations to feed his guilt, forms a cord and the mother could (consciously or unconsciously) use it to manipulate her son. They are also called Karmic cords because they can indicate karmic debts coming from the past.

Each person can have any number of such cords in one relationship itself. Even with the relationship continuing, it is essential to cut these cords because they will make the relationship healthier. It is all the more important that cord cutting is done when the relationship ends.

Benefits of Cord Cutting

  • Cord cutting improves any relationship. It clears up unhealthy habits between people and helps them form healthier habits in the relationship.
  • Cord cutting can be done to improve any relationship – parent child, life partners, lovers, past relationships, ex boyfriend girlfriends, friends, sibling, boss subordinate, colleagues, classmates, teacher student, and any other relationships.
  • It heals you tremendously. You find a huge relief from the emotions you’ve been carrying because of the relationship.
  • You release a lot of pent up negative emotions that you have been suppressing and carrying around for sometime. Some times, it also releases emotions held up over years.

    Fears and Blocks created by past breakups may be cleared with cord cutting.
    Fears and Blocks created by past breakups may be cleared with cord cutting.
  • It clears blocks in relationship issue, especially in your love life. When single people go through many relationship issues in the past they form unconscious blocks and fears about life partners in their life and they start acting out of these fears from the past. This tends to ruin any good future relationship they can potentially form.
  • It helps you identify hidden motivations in relationships both within self and in others.
  • Cord cutting gives you the ‘breathing space’ you need. Your behaviour is no longer automatic or compulsive. You will find that you can now change your behaviour easily.

Procedure for Cord Cutting:

It takes about 20-30 min sometimes, so make sure nobody disturbs you for so long. Don’t do this after dark.

Step1 – Relaxation and Creating inner awareness.

  • Sit or lie down in some quiet place. Focus on your natural breathing.
  • Now slowly start deep breathing with your focus on your lower lungs and abdomen. Take ten deep breaths.
  • Follow that by 15 short rapid breaths. These breaths are quick, shallow, and without pause.
  • Observe the breathing come back to normal breathing.

Step 2 – Activating subconscious and Shielding

  • Now visualize yourself in a serene, beautiful garden. Make sure the garden has a water body in it like a lake, fountain, stream, beach, or a waterfall.

    Visualize the garden or landscape as vividly as you can!
    Visualize the garden or landscape as vividly as you can!
  • Take time to create the garden completely in your visualization. See the blue sky, trees, birds, flowers, fruits, grass – just take time to ‘feel’ the place.
  • Now imagine sitting in a calm space in the garden.
  • Imagine a bright beautiful golden yellow or white light in the sky directly above you coming down, and touching the top of your head.
  • Let the light enter your body through the top of your head and fill your entire body till the tip of your toes with this bright, beautiful, vibrant, tingling light.
  • See the light expanding into a bubble of protection all around you including under you.

Step 3 – Locating the ‘Feeling Centers’

  • Now call the person you want to cut cords with into the garden. See the person clearly coming into the garden and standing before you.enery release
  • Notice your first feelings about her/him – all of them – both negative as well as positive.
  • Now observe where each of these feelings is beginning in your body. (Ask yourself ‘If this feeling was stored in my body physically, where would it be?’)
  • You will find that each feeling has a place in your body (like, for instance, hurt stored in your heart center, etc)
  • Give each feeling a color and a shape – whatever you feel like. (you can ask ‘If this feeling had a color and a shape what would it be like?’)
  • For instance, you may see hurt as dirty green ball in your heart center, you may see anger as a red monster attached to you at solar plexus, or you may notice helplessness as blobs of  yellow on your hand – these are just examples. You can give any color and shape you feel like. Sometimes the moment you trace the feeling to place in the body you may instantly perceive it as some object or being.

Step 4 – Scanning and Locating Cords

  • Now visualize the other person also also in a beam of their own light from the sky and with their own bubble of protection.
  • Start ‘scanning’ the person from top of his/her head. Your intention is to look for personality or karmic cords of energies that connect both of you.
  • You may ‘see’ or ‘feel’ these cords.

    Scan for all cords extending between you both.
    Scan for all cords extending between you both.
  • When you see the first cord, make a note of where on his/her body is the cord beginning, follow that cord to see where in your body the cord is penetrating.
  • Now take time to notice the details of the cord – its thickness, what does it look like, is it brittle or flexible, all the details that strike you.
  • Now see if the energy flow in the cord is one way or both ways – that is, is this cord feeding energy from one person to another only, or is this cord used by both to cross feed each other.
  • You may remember some past events when you are doing this, you may find certain emotions coming up sometimes. If that happens, just make a note of it.
  • Continue scanning.
  • Locate all cords between you and the other person.
  • You may notice many cords are end or begin at ‘feeling centers’ that you located earlier.

Step 5 – Cutting Cords

  • Once you have located all cords between you and the other person, you proceed with energy negotiation and cord cutting.
  • Move to the first cord you found.

    Some relationship cords could be restricting our behavior.
    Some relationship cords could be restricting our behavior.
  • If the energy is coming from her/him to you, ask yourself if you still feel a need to accept that energy or emotion from her/him. Only when your answer is a firm no can you really cut the cord. Otherwise, it means you are not yet ready to cut the cords. Even if you attempt it, in such a case, the cord will reconnect itself back.
  • When the answer is a firm no, you should see the flow of energy coming from her/him through the cord stopping immediately.
  • Now tell her/him that she/he needs to stop sending that energy to you. Tell her/him that your karma to accept those energies is complete and any energy she/he continues to send, if it bounces back to her/him, then it is of no karmic consequence to you since you have no intention of affecting her/him. It is her/him own doing.
  • If the energy is going outwards from you, ask yourself what emotion or influence from you is feeding that person. You will instantly get an answer. You may again remember an event of the past or a particular emotion coming up strongly within.
  • Ask yourself, if you are ready to let go of the need to influence the other person with these energies of yours. The answer should be no again. If the answer is yes or if you feel hesitant, look back at the suffering you are undergoing for still being connected to her/him. This can convince you to let go.
  • Once again, when you answer with a firm no, you will see the energy flow from you to the other person stopping instantly.
  • If the energy flow is two way, then you will naturally do all the above steps.
  • Only when you see the energy flow stopping, will you proceed to cut the cords.
  • There are a few ways to cut the cords. You should choose whichever feels right for each cord. I am listing couple of methods here. You may intuitively feel other creative ways to remove the cord connection.

Method 1:

  • You can request a sword or shears (large garden scissors!) made of light to cut the cords. You will find the requested tool coming to you from the light above.
  • Use it to cut the cord as close to your body as possible.
  • Now request for a ball of light and you will find a small ball (about the size of an apple) coming from the light above.
  • Rub that ball at the place on your body where you have cut the cord.
  • Notice this light sealing off the ‘hole’ left behind on your body after cutting the cord.
  • Proceed to do the same steps with the other person in cutting the same cord. So you will cut that cord from the other end by the same procedure above.
  • Yes, you need to cut the cord from the other person’s end too no matter how much you dislike the other person. You do this because the cord that is cut needs to be destroyed.
  • If the other person feels the need for the same cord, they will form another with somebody else but not you.
  • This also helps you get rid of cords of resentment easily. For anger and resentment are also means of attachments.
  • Cleanse and seal their body with the ball of light.
  • Destroy the cord by burning it. See the smoke and ashes pulled up into the sky through a third beam of light. This is not the beams of light that is on your or on her.
  • Proceed to cut all the remaining cords similarly.

Method 2:

  • Here you uproot the cord out of the body instead of cutting it. That’s the only difference.
  • This is done if you feel any particular cord has ‘grown into you’ and has roots within.
  • Hold the cord with both the hands as close to the body as you can.
  • Visualize white light forming around the roots of the cords within so they help to ‘slide the roots out’.
  • Pull the cord out of the body slowly.
  • Notice the roots sliding out gently. Pull until the cord is uprooted completely.
  • If any roots are broken and left within the body, request the light above you to dissolve the root completely and flush it out of your either into the ground below or by sucking it up into the light.
  • Follow the cleansing and sealing with the ball of light as described in Method 1 above.
  • Do the same for the other person.
  • Destroy the cord by burning it. See the smoke and ashes pulled up into the sky through a third beam of light. This is not the beams of light that is on your or on her.
  • Proceed to cut all the remaining cords similarly.

Step 6 – Finding Hidden Cords

  • When people send psychic energies out of, conscious or unconscious, malevolent intent or a desperate need to cling, such cords may not show up in the regular scan.

    Visualize a special violet light coming down upon you from the sky.
    Visualize a special violet light coming down upon you from the sky.
  • Just to make sure there are no such hidden cords, visualize a beam of violet light falling in between you and other person you want to cut cords with.
  • Visualize this light expanding outwards towards you on one side, and him/her on the other until finally you both are under this huge beam of violet light.
  • Any hidden cords will instantly show up in this violet light.
  • Go ahead and follow the usual procedure to identify, describe, stop the energy flows, and cut these cords too.

Step 7 – Healing ‘Feeling Centers’ and Leftover Energies

  • This is an important step. You will be healing the ‘Feeling Centers’ that you located earlier as well as any energy you may have already absorbed through the cords into you before they were cut. As I said, many cords would enter your body at the ‘feeling centers’.

    You may see the energy dissolving into smoke and being sucked up into the light.
    You may see the energy dissolving into smoke and being sucked up into the light.
  • After you cut the cords, go back to the place where the first cord was and ask yourself if any energies that you may have absorbed (through the cord before it was cut) is still within you.
  • If there are any left, give those energies a colour and shape just like you did for the ‘feeling centers’ earlier. You are creating a visual form for the energies. Sometimes you may intuitively feel the form readily.
  • Ask the light above to dissolve this energy and cleanse it out of you.
  • You may notice the light dissolving the energy into smoke and sucking it up into the sky.
  • Continue healing all the leftover energies for all the cords you cut.
  • Now go to the remaining ‘feeling centers’ and do the same.
  • If you find it difficult to heal any remaining ‘feeling centers’, then it means you still want to hold on to that emotion you feel there. Try to see various viewpoints as to why it is good for you to let go of that emotion. Only when your intention to let go is firm, can you fully heal.

Step 7 – Final Shielding

  • Ask the other person you cut cords with to go away and live his/her life peacefully. See him/her leave the garden.
  • Connect fully with the light above. See it flowing into you through the top of your head. Absorb the light fully into your every pore and aspect of being.

    Visualize a white light from above entering you through the top of your head.
    Visualize a white light from above entering you through the top of your head.
  • Request the light to do a final clean up to remove all leftover fragments and pieces of energies which may have been overlooked or left behind.
  • Request the light to ‘fill up’ all the empty spaces where the ‘feeling center’ energies or leftover energies had been.
  • Feel the energy of the light filling your whole being. You may get a tingling sensation while this happens.
  • Now visualize this light expanding around you again into a ball of powerful shielding. It should expand at least three feet away from you in all directions including under you.
  • Spend about a minute of awareness on this beautiful and peaceful ball of light.
  • Take a deep breath. Open your eyes.

Exercise to follow post Cord Cutting

  • Do this exercise the next 21 days after the cord cutting is done.
  • Visualizing a ball of light around you at least three times a day. Those visualizations need not be as strong as they were when you did the cord cutting meditation. But nevertheless, just do it. This will strengthen your aura and increase your protection.

Important Notes:

  • Sometimes we notice people you cut cords with suddenly try to contact you within 48 hours of cord cutting. Even people who you have had lost touch with too. If such a thing happens in the next 48 hours after cord cutting, keep away from showing any sympathy or empathy towards the person or his/her plight. It is sometimes seen that the person you cut cords with will feel a ‘pull’ to connect back those cords and they try that, unconsciously of course, through appealing to the emotions of the person who cut the cords.
  • Forming new cords is as easy as cutting cords. Cord cutting clears up negative energy within. But it is now up to you to replace that space with positive thoughts, and behaviour patterns. Otherwise cords reform easily.
  • What it means is that after cord cutting, your behaviour in that relationship is no longer programmed, or out of control, or habitual. You have control over your responses and you must choose a positive response now to replace the old one.
  • Examine your needs which made gave you the fears and unhealthy behaviour in the first place. Every relationship is based out of a need to fulfil some internal lack. That lack is always related to self-image. Ask yourself what impulses or lacks motivated you to seek such unhealthy relationship or behaviour in the past. Start working that lack instead of seeking to fulfil from outside.

We hope this article will come in useful on your self-healing journey. You can always find this article from our archives by clicking on the ‘Self Help’ tag or category.

Thanks

Purple Room Healing

Suggested Readings:

How much time do you spend for your mental health?

Eternal Human Conflict: What should be and what is?

House Cleansing: Balancing the energies of your space

Photo Courtesy by Freedigitalphotos.net

“Sister And Brother Friendship” by artur84
“Couple In Love Having Break Up” by smarnad
“Deep Forest Waterfall” by pat138241
“Hand” by Salvatore Vuono
“Tug Of War Between Two Girls” by meepoohfoto
“Tied Hand” by Danilo Rizzuti
“Violet” by zirconicusso
“Abstract Smoke” by Worakit Sirijinda
“Stars Are Falling On The Background Of Blue Luminous Rays” by SOMMAI

The Cinderella Syndrome

ImageImagine this: A poor lonely girl sitting alone by herself on a starlit night full of sorrow and suffering. She is quietly weeping for herself and her pitiable condition. She has nobody to talk to and everybody around her is treating her badly including her family. She hopes somebody would come to her aid. She is yearning for her prince and savior to come along and save her from her plight. Someone who would love her with all his heart and make her worthy of her life. This is the Cinderella Syndrome.

We all know the Cinderella story. The poor fatherless girl mistreated by her step-mother and made to scrub the floor all day. She yearns for a better life and weeps all night long. One day her step-sisters go to the ball at the palace. Cinderella wishes she could go to the ball too. And lo, a fairy godmother appears and turns Cinderella’s rags into a lovely dress, and rats and pumpkin into horses and a chariot. Cinderella dances with the prince at the ball who is taken by her beauty. By the hour of midnight, heeding the warning of the Fairy godmother, Cinderella rushes out of the ball leaving behind her glass slipper. The prince has his staff search for the girl whose foot would fit the glass slipper. Cinderella’s foot fits and she is married to the prince, and she lives ever after.

ImageThe Cinderella Syndrome is a real life situation of a fatherless girl who was unconsciously playing the Cinderella for real. Unfortunately, Cinderella stories don’t end well in reality. This girl had prince after prince coming to her rescue but they would then eventually desert her and go.

This happens because her mind had to survive her identity which she formed of herself from early childhood. And that identity was that of a lonely, suffering girl who is hurt by near and dear again and again. Once the mind forms an identity for the person, its goal is to keep it alive – to keep both the body and the identity alive. So for this girl, in spite of yearning and manifesting princes into her life, her mind has to still keep her lonely and suffering, hurt by near and dear. Now the near and dear also include her romantic relationships. Yet her desperation to get out of the situation is also real.

So she battles with herself endlessly. She manages to attract guys who would take advantage of her desperation and then dump her. She would be left once more the poor Cinderella. After a few repeated such incidents she has a fear of relationships which all the more helps her to remain the suffering Cinderella.

Real life Cinderella is helpless by choice, derives melancholic enjoyment of her loneliness, noble in her own view due to her uncomplaining (not entirely) suffering. Her self-pity, self-hatred, and her pride keep her remaining that way.

There is only one way for real life Cinderellas to get out of this miserable loop – to decide not to be a Cinderella in the first place. They need to give up their life story. They need to look beneath the voids they carry within to find out their true self. The Cinderella Syndrome is an addiction to pain.

Most real life Cinderellas carry a deep void within. They wait for an outside hero to come and fill that void. This is their second mistake. The first and their biggest mistake is in assuming they are the void within. Instead of trying to fill the void, they need to question the reality of the void they carry within. Is she the identity she formed in her childhood? Or is she somebody else? Can she, as a life, survive if that identity is snatched away from her? The day real life Cinderellas can give a yes to the last question, they can effectively come out of their troubles and heal their lives.

Self Pity and Self Hatred: Two Dangerous Extremes

feeling sorry for oneselfLow self-esteem issues are quite common to my practice. In fact, all therapies in one way or the other have to do with self-image. And when we suffer from a low self-esteem problem and are unable to resolve it, we manage to cover it from the world by taking a defensive stand. Some become reserved and gruff, some put up a false intellectual front, some pretend to be uber happy, and some turn shy and silent, and then there are hundred other ways to cover it up.

Dealing with self-esteem issues or any issue for that matter is not a big deal if we are really willing to resolve our problems. But there are times when some of us tend to take an extreme stand about themselves after years of struggling with issues. One one extreme is self pity and other self hatred.

From a healing point of view, both are really dangerous attitudes. Because they not only prevent us from effectively resolving our issues but also become a very important reason why we are facing issues also. Let us see how.

Self pity is a sorry state. A person with self pity begins to see himself in a sorry state and as a figure of sacrifice. He feels he is a helpless victim of any situation and believes he would remain so. He often spends time in pitying himself and blaming others for his plight. He comes to feel so bad for himself so much that they readily accept the victim’s role as a part of who they are.

And once that happens, they continue to attract situations where they can play victims. The mind always makes true what it believes. It manipulates situations and people around to fulfill its needs and beliefs. So once the person believes he is a victim, he unconsciously seeks to worm himself into situations where he could become one. It is like if you become a doctor, you need to treat patients to justify your role. So you set up a medical practice and start seeking people with illnesses. Much similarly, the mind starts looking for situations and people who would victimize it so the self-pity is justified. These people carry a lot of resentment and anger within.

self hatredSelf hatred also works similarly but on the opposite side of the scale. Person who hates herself usually start playing the role of a perpetrator. She needs to justify her hatred. She just starts looking for victims and situations where she could have reasons to hate herself. In her mind, it’s all her fault! These people also carry a lot of guilt. They also carry a need to punish themselves.

People on these two extremes have a need to make sad stories of their lives. The truth is that need is neither ‘subconscious’ or ‘unconscious’. There is no need for a hypnotherapy regression or ‘psychological evaluation’ to bring up this need to the surface. All one has to do is to watch their thoughts and the motivations will be readily seen. If you can watch your thoughts with complete honesty – which means without denying or resisting them in any way – you can readily find out if you are carrying any of these traits in you. By watching your thoughts, you can also easily realize how you are manipulating yourself into a victim’s or a perpetrator’s role

This becomes the first block to any healing or therapy.  This needs to go in order to resolve other issues in your life. How can self pity and self hatred be healed? All you need is consistent refusal to take that attitude. Be alert in your head and watch your thoughts keenly. The moment you start feeling sorry for yourself and anger for situation or the moment you start cursing yourself and feel severe guilt, just move into the present moment and refuse to take that attitude. Be consistent and you can easily come out of that viewpoint.

Suggested Readings:
Emotional Drama
Power of Manifestation
It’s too late now!

Picture Courtesy: David Castillo Dominici @ freedigitalphotos.net

House Cleansing: Balancing your House Energies for your Health, Relationship, Wealth, and Happiness.

Cleansing your house of negative energies brings an instant change to your space and moods!
Cleansing your house of negative energies brings an instant change to your space and moods!

Every building and the land has its own past and energy levels. I am not speaking of Vaastu or Feng Shui. By energy levels I mean how the house or place can affect your emotional state through its own, for the lack of a better word, vibrations. I am also speaking of spirit energies attached to a place or house.

Yes, it might sound strange, or even incredible, but check it out. Don’t you find some places inherently creepy no matter what time of the day you go there? Have you ever noticed that your temper and other emotions tend to increase in particular rooms in your own space or others’? Of course, some cases may be due to personal psychological triggers related to that particular space. Like if you had entertained negative thoughts repeatedly in a specific room or corner in your house then soon you will be habituated to think negatively whenever you are in that same spot.

But if others around you too have similar emotional highs in the same rooms and, in some cases, even visitors to your house tend to exhibit fear or trepidation in the same places in your house then it obviously has something to do with the space itself.

Most often they won’t be something that warrants a change of house itself. A simple cleansing of that space and house (or business office) will help clear and cleanse the energies. House cleansing through Hypnotherapy is one such technique. It’s a very simple and one of the safest methods to cleanse. In this, the cleansing is not even required to be done from inside the house, though the follow-up maintenance is always done at the place.

Effects of Energy Attachments to a Place

The most obvious effect is its influence on the emotions and relationships of the people residing in that space. The negative thought-forms subtly (or sometimes severely) influence the emotional state of the people in that space and over time the influence becomes stronger and quicker. Relationships can become strained due to such influences. In case of spirit attachments, the effects cannot be predicted because they largely depend on the past and intention of the spirits and soul fragments.

The other area of influence seems to be on the health of the family members. The spirit energies or thought-forms can affect the natural health and balance of people and make them vulnerable to various ailments.

In some cases, finances of the family seem to decline due to energy attachment in house.

One other common case is that of the soul fragment trying to evict the people from that space. It usually is done by spirits of people who owned or lived in that house earlier. The influence of the spirit attachment in these cases could be deliberate or unintentional. The spirit cannot rest until the house is empty again.

Another common effect is fear due to direct perception of the spirits themselves. The presence of spirit(s) is felt by most of the family members in various situations. In some cases, some members have also described to me the appearance of the spirit form. But most often it is presence as a vague form through their peripheral vision and the experience is shared by others in the family too. They see forms walking past in the hallway, in the toilets, etc.

House Cleansing through Hypnosis

House cleansing is a simple yet effective and safer method of cleansing a space or land of these energies. The client is usually someone who lives or owns the place. The session is performed at the therapy center itself but the results are extremely quick and apparent.

Maintenance of the Cleansed Space: Your Responsibility

Cleansing a space will certainly get rid of negative space energies. But it is the maintenance of the space after cleansing that is important to keep the space from picking up further negative energies. This is a part that the people who live in the house need to take up and practice. The processes of maintenance are simple enough and there are many ways. But the consistency is important.

Think of it this way. A person with malaria goes to a physician for treatment. House Cleansing done with the therapist is similar to a physician treating a patient for malaria. But that does not guarantee the person will not get the same disease again the next year. This is where the physician prescribes precautions like using mosquito repellents, clearing stagnant waters in and around the house, etc. These cannot be done by the physician. Similarly the householders need to take up the maintenance so that the house energy levels are maintained well. As I said, the process itself is easy and simple. It just demands some consistency, that is all.

Simple Meditation Technique to deal with Anxiety and Stress – Part 2

Read the First Part here. The meditation technique is explained there.

Best Recommended Times

The recommended times are for getting the best out of this method. They are not mandatory. In fact, I recommend you not to take up all the below at once. That will simply become a burden to you and that will motivate you to give up the meditation practise.

I personally follow these and I do not meditate for no more than two minutes maximum each time. And I increased the frequency of this practise after I fell in love with the meditation, not before.

The best way to start the day is to become present in this moment when you wake up.
The best way to start the day is to become present in this moment when you wake up.

As soon as you wake up – this is especially good because it can have a great influence over your entire day.

In the toilet – this again is another time of the day where our thoughts and emotions then can affect the whole day. Just a few minutes of this meditation here will help us greatly.

Waiting in traffic or at other times can be a great time to meditate.
Waiting in traffic or at other times can be a great time to meditate.

During travel (if you are not operating the vehicle) – this is one of the best times, I’ve found, to meditate. In fact somehow it is easy for me to meditate while sitting in the bus or train. After this technique, I personally began to prefer travelling by bus or train over driving myself because it gives me a long time to meditate. Especially while returning from a day’s work, this meditation in bus has tremendous benefit. There is an immediate flushing of stress and anxiety which I used to carry from work to home.

Before beginning a work – I have found this to be another huge benefit. When you are able to move into ‘being in the moment’ before you start any work, it gives you the calmness as well as the presence of mind required to handle the task effectively. In fact, I found this even improved my performance.

Being in the moment after eating can help digestion and also tune to your listening to your body.
Being in the moment after eating can help digestion and also tune to your listening to your body.

Immediately after eating – If you do this over a few weeks, you will even gain an amazing ability. You will be able to tell if the food that you just consumed is good for you or not. Body has a great ability to communicate what it wants and what it can’t digest. But we never listen. This technique helps you gain back that listening habit. Not only will your stomach tell you if the food you ate is good for you or not, but if you ate something that is particularly not so suitable for your constitution, the few minutes of this meditation after food actually helps reduce the discomfort or indigestion problem. Of course, that does not mean you can continue to eat whatever you like and use this technique like some antacid tonic. When your body communicates, listen to it. Try to avoid that food stuff in future.

Evenings when free – This is the time when I practise this for a slightly longer time like about ten to fifteen minutes. Sometimes, if I find time, I do this in the mornings instead. This helps me become more anchored in that state of peace and calmness, and also helps me get into this practise easily even during most stressful times in the day.

Before going to bed – I sleep with this technique. It will soon help you fall asleep faster.

Getting the Best Out Of This Meditation Practise – Meditation Tips and Advice

Be in the moment and you will soon enjoy the moment as it is.
Be in the moment and you will soon enjoy the moment as it is.

Enjoy the meditation – Just be and you will quickly fall in love with this meditation. Whenever you are being in your body, you will find a certain peace and calmness in it.

Let it grow upon you – Let the meditation grow upon you not the other way round! Do not try to overwhelm yourself with doing this too many times in the beginning. You are trying to acquire a habit of regular meditation. And anything that you dislike or are trying to force upon self can be tough to become a habit.

Take it easy – If you take this meditation too seriously (instead of enthusiastically) you are only adding to your stress. Remember you are trying to find peace out of this meditation. The more desperate you grow the less likely you will find peace. Just take it easy.

Skip once in a while – Take a break when you feel like it. The importance of peace and calmness is felt more in its absence. Don’t be a stickler to punctuality and discipline. If you enjoy the meditation it will become a part of your daily routine quickly enough.

Don’t try too hard – Once in a while you may find it difficult to move into the ‘here and now’ when you are too stressed out or emotional. Don’t try hard. With enough practise during other times you will soon, within weeks, reach a state where you can go into the meditation even during high stress.

Don’t empty mind – Again the emphasis is to be your posture and thus enter this moment. Not on emptying your head of thoughts. There is no need to change your thoughts. Move your focus from them to your body.

Stay on the goal – As you become more practised in this meditation technique, you will find some interesting latent abilities of yours getting activated. For instance, sometimes when I am doing this meditation, I become aware of the mood and thoughts of people around me. Stay with the goal. And the goal is to gain peace and be stress-free. If you start pursuing this meditation for the sake of latent powers you will lose both peace as well as the powers.

Experience this moment – Each time you do this meditation you may have a different experience. The goal is to be the posture and experience this moment as it is. Do not try to reproduce the experience of your previous meditations. That is where you can get lost and lose peace.

Do it as you are – Do not try to assume special postures for the meditation. Just move into the posture you have at the moment. Of course you can adjust a limb or two for the sake of convenience. Sometimes you can also realign your posture as a physical way of ‘gathering your mind’. Special postures or asanas can restrict the places and times when you can practise this meditation.

 

Suggested Readings:

Simple Meditation Technique for healing Anxiety and Stress – Part 1

How much time do you spend for your mental health? – Part 1

How much time do you spend for your mental health? – Part 2

Frustration: Shortcut to Failure

 

Photo Courtesy: graur codrin, rakratchada torsap, Stuart Mile @ freedigitalphotos.net

Simple Meditation Technique to deal with Anxiety and Stress – Part 1

You do not need special places, timing, or even postures for effective meditation.
You do not need special places, timing, or even postures for effective meditation.

In the last posts (Part 1 & Part 2) I discussed about mental health and the most important time of the day where your emotions and thoughts can set a trend for the day. This post let me share with you a very simple meditation method that will help you reduce stress and anxiety dramatically in your daily life. It can also help you become attain peace and calmness if you practise it every day.

The very word meditation sometimes puts us off. We have, at least some of us, have tried in the past various meditation techniques and have failed to achieve the consistency in practise. Two most important obstacles were time and achieving concentration. We either did not have the time to put aside for the meditation. Some meditation techniques demanded a particular time of the day be set aside for it, especially like early mornings which turn out to be particularly difficult for those who are night birds. Some meditation methods insisted on long durations of practise – sometimes even an hour out of our daily routine. The other reason why we give up a few other meditation techniques is because of its demand of nearly super human single minded concentration which seems to be more difficult than time. Just when we want to empty our minds that all sorts of silly thoughts come into our heads.

The meditation technique which I am sharing is neither time consuming nor requires inordinate amounts of mental concentration. You don’t even need to practise it at a regular time too. In fact, the efficacy of this meditation technique lies in practising it everywhere and anywhere you can.

Move into this moment using your body. Now is where Peace is.
Move into this moment using your body. Now is where Peace is.

The Technique

The technique is deceptively simple. All you need to do is to simply move your awareness into your body and this moment. Let me explain how to do that.

First of all, you do not have to assume any meditative posture for this. Doing that can help you initially if you are used to practising meditations, but otherwise it’s not necessary. Again the best benefits of this technique can be extracted if you do this anywhere in any posture.

Simply begin by watching your posture. This can be done either by closing your eyes or with your eyes open. The goal here is to bring yourself, your mind I mean, into this moment and to ground yourself. It means you are bringing yourself here and now. Becoming aware of your posture or physical presence is an easy way to do this. Be like this for a while.

Become aware of your body from the inside. It means you are going into being the posture. See, all postures are actions like sitting, lying, standing, resting, etc. So go into that doing. Be it. Be the sitting person, be the standing person, or be whatever your posture is doing right now. Do not be deceived by the simplicity of this technique. Try it and you will find tremendous results.

The Thinking Mind

Just become aware of your thoughts. No need to control them or suppress them.
Just become aware of your thoughts. No need to control them or suppress them.

Well, what about the mind? You do not have to empty your mind. Just watch it. Do not try to clear your mind. Neither do you try to hang on to a particular thought. Just let them be – in the background. Your awareness is into your posture. Into being.

It means you are letting your mind be what it wants to be and YOU are going away from it. Yes, you and your mind can be separated like that. By ‘you’ here I mean your awareness. So simply let your thoughts be, let your mind be.

What you are doing is letting everything be. You are not trying to change anything. You are moving into the being of the moment. So, like I said, it does not require extraordinary consciousness. Just plain awareness. It’s easy.

Time and Duration

Do it anywhere you want. without any special postures or asanas.
Do it anywhere you want. without any special postures or asanas.

You can do this meditation anytime and anywhere. And you can do this for any duration ranging from just a few seconds to an hour too. In fact, I would not recommend that you do this for longer duration at a set time of the day like other meditation practises. The efficacy of this technique lies in its time flexibility.

I have noticed that in meditation practises people tend to get the best benefit out of it during their early days of practise and then gradually the benefits seem to disappear. The problem is not with the technique but in our ability to compartmentalize our daily routine. We usually stop the benefits of meditation influencing us in the rest of the day after the meditation. In the beginning days of practise, we are so motivated that we feel the lightness, joy, calmness, or peace that we gained during the meditation all through the day. After the initial motivation wanes, we tend to go back to our worry patterns and even the meditation seems to become a burden at times. So what peace we gain during the meditation practise seems to fade within ten minutes of getting up. Yes, any good meditation practise can change that and affect our whole life positively in a long term practise. But that again takes us back to our initial problem of consistency in practise.

So the best way to gain benefit out of this practise is to do this meditation just about two or three minutes or less and do it number of times per day. As you do not have a restriction of posture and you don’t even have to close your eyes for this meditation, it makes it easy to practise this meditation just about anywhere. While sitting in the office or the class during a break, while travelling (if you are not driving, of course), during brief periods of waiting, in the toilet, just after eating. Read the next part here for some best recommended times that can provide greatest benefit out of this technique.

Benefits of Meditation

The meditation can help you remain peaceful and calm all through the day easily.
The meditation can help you remain peaceful and calm all through the day easily.

The first thing that you will notice is the flushing of stress and anxiety. An instant calmness will come over your body and mind as you become aware of them. When you move into the posture and be the posture, what happens is that you are letting go of your identity with your thoughts. You are not stopping the thoughts, but are not attaching yourself with them anymore. Again, the goal is to move into ‘here and now’. Be only in this moment. Any thoughts about the next moment let them be. Just watch them. Don’t try to change them.

This technique acts a vacuum cleaner for stress and emotions. What I mean is that it can effectively stop stress and bothersome emotions from affecting other areas of your life. So when you practise this regularly, you stop carrying emotions across different areas of your life. Stress of your personal life will not affect your professional area. And vice versa.

Due to its flexibility, this technique can be incorporated in your daily life far easily than other longer methods. Of course you can continue any other meditations and Kriyas that you are already doing or intend to take up. In fact, this practise will aid you in other mind management or spiritual techniques.

A constant state of peace will become yours when you pepper this practise along the entire day. You will notice that you are able to look at problems in their proper perspective and proportion. In fact you will even be able to deal with tougher issues with a presence of mind. Worry becomes lesser.

The second part of this post gives you some best recommended times to practise this meditation as well as more useful tips to get the most out of this meditation practice. Read the second part of this post here.

Suggested Readings:

How much time do you spend for your mental health? – Part 1

How much time do you spend for your mental health? – Part 2

Simple Meditation Technique to remove Stress and Anxiety – Part 2

Frustration: The Shortcut to Failure

 

Photo Courtesy: adamr, digitalart, Ambro @ freedigitalphotos.net

How much time do you spend for your mental health? – Part 2

Positive thoughts in the morning can set a positive mood for the day.
Positive thoughts in the morning can set a positive mood for the day.

Techniques to mental manage stress and anxiety.

First Impressions Matter

In the previous article (click here) we have seen that the first set of impression we form in the morning soon as we wake up set a mood for the day. Those set of thoughts and emotions are then amplified during the time we spend in the toilet. Similar thoughts get added and we have successfully determined the way our day is going to take shape.

Yes, we cannot control our thoughts. We haven’t all mastered the art of mind control. And control in most cases on ends up increasing or suppressing the thoughts we are trying to control. This only leads to future trouble. So trying not to think in a certain way is not the first step to do here. The trick is learning to ignore thoughts that we do not want to have.

So as soon as we wake up, our thoughts are usually determined by a few variables – the dreams that we had, the plan or expectations for the day, the events of the previous night (which also determined the nature of our dreams), or the circumstances in which we woke up (like woken up rudely by a grumbling member of the family). Anyway, we cannot control these thoughts. But what is under our control is how we react to those thoughts.

Changing our Reactions

We can choose to pick up negative thoughts and moods and amplify them by losing temper and calm. Or we can choose to move over those thoughts and think of some pleasant ones that will set our mood right.

Many think that this is easier said than done. Actually the opposite is true. It is easy to do most of the days and tough only at certain times. The success of the technique lies in knowing that a mood or thought continues as a mindless repetition and also because we want to be in that mood. By knowing this we can do two things to change the way our day’s experiences are shaped. One, since the thoughts are going to be mindless repetition, it means that they may continue for some time and all we need to do here is to ignore them.

Two, by knowing that we feel lousy because we want to, we can simply pause for a moment and ask ourselves how we want to feel throughout the day. That will immediately set our priorities right and we will be able to ignore the negative thoughts and choose to look at the day with positive expectations. The trick again is not to expect thoughts to go away or try to control them, instead to ignore them and focus on the positive.

Yes, there will be certain days where the first thoughts are related to our deep issues that we find it difficult not to want them. When you can’t do anything, the only way you can lessen the impact of that mood on your daily activities is by accepting the truth of the situation. Yes, I am angry and I am not willing to give it up. Accept it and it will help you move on to some extent. The mood could continue through the day, but it will not be as bad as it could be if you had been resisting the mood. Just accept it as such.

The next post, I will give you a very simple meditation technique to help your mind manage stress effectively.

Kiran Relangi

Hypnotherapist
Chennai

Image Courtesy: imagerymajestic @ freedigitalphotos.net

Are there good and bad thoughts?

Negative and Positive thoughts are based solely on perception.
Negative and Positive thoughts are based solely on perception.

We call thoughts bad thoughts and good thoughts. We strive to stop or control negative and bad thoughts; and we try to carry and encourage positive thoughts. But are there good and bad thoughts? Are there are negative thoughts and positive thoughts in reality?

Our mind as such does not discriminate one thought from another. A thought being bad or good comes from our belief system. A belief today was also just a thought at one point of time in our lives for us – during the childhood. And we hardly seem to outgrow our childhood beliefs. Hence we carry opinions about good thoughts and bad thoughts. So how does this piece of knowledge help us in our lives?

The truth is that a thought by itself has no power. It is our reaction to the thought that makes it potent or impotent. A thought by itself, is just that, a mere thought. A thought is not necessarily a suggestion. But when we react to it (like getting frustrated or angry because of that thought) that’s when we have accepted it as a suggestion in our head.

In fact, the truth is that a belief is not formed after repeated events proving a certain viewpoint true. Rather, it happens in the exact opposite manner. A viewpoint is accepted as a belief by the subconscious first and then it strives to prove it true over and over. Think of it as a colored filter applied to a lens. Now every scenery is colored with the shade of the lens. That is how we experience the world. And slowly these beliefs, as they are proven true over and over by our mind, shape our personality. We come to hold certain viewpoints as true and certain as false. Similarly, we hold certain thoughts as good and certain as bad only after such a standard has been programmed into us. This programming happens either through SEERS programming – Socio Economic Educational Religious and Spiritual belief systems coming from our parents, teachers, gurus, etc., or they become our ‘moral’ standards with through some personal emotional experiences.

If you want thoughts to have the least effect, you must learn to ignore them as they come. Do not deny them, just let them come, and as easily let them pass. Get out of the habit of reacting to them.

Many spiritual practices too recommend that you learn to ignore thoughts and not to react to them. But that cannot happen completely unless you are willing to question your ‘moral’ standards and ego-based beliefs.

Suggested Readings:
What people think of you is their problem!
Mind Drama

Photo Courtesy: njaj @ freedigitalphotos.net

Who is my Soul Mate?

'And they lived happily ever after....'
‘And they lived happily ever after….’

‘And they lived happily ever after…’

There is a reason why many fairy tales end with a perfect couple finally getting to be with each other and the above statement. Because even those who wrote fairy tales – tales of hope, love and magic – could not imagine what kind of a life ‘prefect’ couples lead! So they simply throw that statement ‘they lived happily ever after’ and get away with it!

Who is my Soul Mate?

As a therapist who also deals with relationship issues I often get asked this question both by single women and men. Sometimes by married men and women too asked me this question.

Let us be very honest for a moment. Do any of us consider ourselves perfect? Not really. Then why do we expect a perfect person in life? Why would a perfect person choose to live with someone as imperfect as ourselves?

There is a lot of misunderstanding regarding the term Soul Mate, especially among those into the ‘New Age’ circles. The common misunderstanding is that a soul mate is a romantic partner who is meant to be yours, someone who will storm into your life and set all things right for you, at least on the relationship front. And everybody is supposed to have a soul mate.

Well, if that is true then for every person who remains unmarried all their life there will be another disappointed person who is left forcibly unmarried or caught with a ‘wrong’ partner. It even implies an obligation to get married whether one likes it or not. Well, with so many social and religious obligations already around I would say you are better off without another ‘sin’ falling on your head.

The Need for a Perfect Partner

 Most of our needs for a perfect partner, just like most other relationships, spring from an internal lack. We feel lonely, unloved, worthless, or because we feel our family and friends have not really understood us. In fact, if there are soul mates and we do find them, this very dumping of past expectations on to that person’s head is alone enough to wreck that relationship!

Another issue is social/cultural/religious programming we receive since our childhood regarding relationships. We need partners who fit our programming. Hence a lot of marriages end up as bitter disappointments for both the partners.

I am not saying there is nobody called a Soul Mate. All I am asking is to question yourself with forthright honesty as to why do you want to hold onto such an idea? Our mind never does anything randomly. So if there is a belief then there is an underlying motivation holding that belief. And whatever that motivation or lack is you can heal that without a need for any external saviour.

Perfect Relationships

Suffering comes from inside of us never from outside. What’s outside is always a reflection of our internal state. I am not being a killjoy here. I do agree there are perfect partnerships but not perfect persons. What do I mean by a perfect partnership?

We always attract what we need in our lives. I am not putting forward some romantic pseudo-spiritual concept here. I am speaking of how our minds shape our reality and experiences. How is that when you drive in anger you seem to attract all the ‘idiots’ in the road who overtake you narrowly or drive straight on the wrong side of the road directly towards you?

More than we attract what we wish for consciously, we attract those beliefs that motivate us to consciously hold desires and ambitions in the first place!

This is no exception in case of relationships too. We seem to find partners who are smack opposite of who we are. Or they soon grow into that. You can look at the situation from two viewpoints – one we got what we attracted so we must suffer. Or two, we have an opportunity to go within and question the belief that attracted this situation in the first place.

Mirrors to our Fears

Partners can reflect our underlying fears and beliefs
Partners can reflect our underlying fears and beliefs

A life partner usually fulfils the role of a mirror perfectly. What you see in a mirror is exactly the opposite of your image as well as the same as you. Opposite because the poles are reversed – left to right appears as right to left in the mirror. Same as us because they reflect all our fears and beliefs back to us. What can be a more perfect partnership than that?

When friends mirror our fears, we cut them from our lives. When siblings do that we start avoiding them. When parents do that we run away from them. But when finally spouses do that we deliberate for a long time. Even in countries where divorces are common, people spend a lot of time in the marriage before they opt out.

Opposites Balance

In fact, opposites balance out each other nicely many times. Think of a spendthrift man with a frugal wife. If they learn to accept each other’s shortcomings, there will still be arguments once in a while, but there will a balance of thoughts built in each. If they think they are not good partners, there is only suffering.

Do I mean partnerships should not be broken? I am not speaking of any outside actions here. Before you opt to stay in the relationship or to get out of it, make sure you’ve questioned and healed all your beliefs and fears the other person is reflecting back to you.

For if you fail to do that, you will either continue to suffer in the relationship, or move out of that relationship and attract a similar one again!

Isn’t it selfish to look at self healing in a relationship? Perhaps it is, but is it unselfish to expect a soul mate to walk and be disappointed with who comes in?

If you are single, ask yourself what is your idea of soul mate relationship and why do you want such a belief? Find and work out the beliefs that are motivating you to look for a soul mate.

There is nothing wrong in falling in love before or after marriage. There is nothing wrong in thinking this is the perfect partner for you. But dumping expectations on the other person in relationship – be they personal or social/cultural – that is the beginning of trouble.

I’ve seen more relationships break or not happen at all out of idealistic concepts, fears, and expectations than actual lack of compatibility.

A partnership is a best opportunity for us to heal ourselves. And if both partners do that, they would certainly realize they had attracted Soul Mates indeed!

Strange as it may sound, a perfect relationship happens when the both partners do not expect anything from each other!

Suggested Readings:

Power of Manifestation

Sometimes Separation is a Way for Healing Marital Issues

Photo Courtesy: adamr, Michal Marcol, and imagerymajestic @ freedigitalphotos.net