There come many opportunities in a person’s life when they can choose to follow their hearts or continue living in fears and insecurities of the mind. We (Geetha and I) have passed through quite a few and perhaps there lie a few more ahead of us. Most of the times, our choice was of the heart but once in a while we let our fears cloud us and keep us in the same of loop of suffering. We are once more at one such juncture in our lives.
This time the choice was unhesitating and simultaneous for both of us. Now, we’ve both come to a clear realization that further and truer healing cannot happen with conventional therapy but rather through a deeper introspection and awareness. And stepping into pure present moment awareness means we cannot avoid stepping into the unknown that follows it immediately. And to do that we realized we simply have to put in more faith into the life within and trust it to take care of us. And we are doing that. We are going away together to explore and experiment in deeper and truer healing. And, as usual with our lives so far, the experiment is first on us. We didn’t have to go away to let this healing happen, but the moment the realization to heal deeper came for us the universe opened doors for a perfect space to heal!
As a result, we are both taking a long sabbatical and we are closing Purple Room Healing for the public. The leave is for at least six months. The blog and all its articles will still be available for you all. We are also opening a site and another blog to share our onward (and inward) journey and to write about the practice of awareness. We will announce them here soon once we have made the physical transition to our new home and personal healing space.
Thank you all clients and friends who made this journey with us. We learnt a lot from each of you and we hope each of you had equally benefited through the help we could extend.
“The only freedom we’ve got is not to react to anything, but to turn within and know the truth.” – Robert Adams
Parental peer pressure is often a neglected and unacknowledged influence that exerts adverse effects on parents and even more so on their children. Often, the consequence of this pressure such as driving children to perform more in academics, sports, and arts is seen as a desirable trait than a deplorable reality.
Usually peer pressure is associated with children, teenagers, and in areas of academics and profession. But it is never acknowledged in other roles that adults take up, such as parenting. But if we observe closely, we notice that a significant part of parental behavior is dictated by their peers and programmed beliefs about how a parent ought to behave.
In these cases, the peers include neighbors, relatives, and friends with children. Even parents of the parents become peers. As always peer pressure, even more so in parenting, too is an unacknowledged but undeniable powerful force that influence that often leads to adverse effects than any benefits.
Peer pressure in parenting leads each parent to imitate a peer of theirs, mislead by the assumption that such behavior is idealistic and is best for the child. But unfortunately, what’s best for one child is need not be so for another.
The pressure felt by parents is often shown on the children with adverse effects on them. Severe restrictions and impossible goals are laid upon the child, all under the guise of ensuring the child’s future when it is actually peer pressure for the parent. And any failure on the part of the child to comply with the rules and goals are met with punishment measures ranging from mild to severe. More the pressure a parent lets in from peers the more severe the restrictions or punishments for the child.
Parents begin to compare their child with other children, thus effectively creating peer pressure for the child. A child’s performance at school, sports, arts, or even casual play becomes the parent’s measure of success in parenting and thus a personal connection between the child’s so called successes and parent’s identity is established. The child becomes an object and an instrument through which a parent can establish his/her identity and success amidst peers.
In cases where the parents of parents become the peers it is often in a context of dissociation from the peer group, meaning the parents do not want to raise their children as their parents raised them. This, in view of the parents and other peers, is seen as a positive behavior. Unfortunately it is not so. This viewpoint again places the need of the parent to prove to be a better parent over the actual needs of the child. It also presupposes that since the parent’s upbringing was bad the opposite behavior is good.
I have had cases where peer pressure has led the parents to discriminate their children on even their physical appearance. Parents scolding or even physically assault their children for their weight issues, and their sicknesses.
Abuse of the child is common, especially in countries like India. The parent specifically requesting the teachers to punish their child to make her/him perform is even sometimes seen as a desirable parenting trait than a deplorable reality.
Of course every parent wants the best for their child, but the problem lies in blindly accepting the established norms or choices of peers is the best for their child.
On the other extreme, parents who have become the model peers succumb to the pressure of maintaining that social image and, as a result, cause suffering to themselves and their children.
Peer pressure makes it easy for a parent to fall prey to manipulation by others. For instance it is easy to lead such parents to believe certain lifestyles, products, and services are better for their child’s welfare. The best example in this context is micro-chipping of school uniforms – a proposal, and a reality in some schools, in countries like the US, Brazil, and the UK. A local example would be the marketing of certain food products for children which promise a ready performance improvement in the child’s performance when their products are consumed.
Peer pressure in parenting can only be changed when its presence is first acknowledged by the parent and then realizing that it only exerts an adverse influence on the parent and the child. Peer pressure is not about pressure from outside. It always occurs when adults compare themselves to their peers due to some existing feeling of lack within or out of fear of failure.
In a significant amount of cases where parents bring their children to hypnotherapy, the child’s problem is born out of parental pressure. I have also had cases where the child has absolutely no issues, but the parent is coercing the child into behaving the way the parent wants. In these cases, the parents are not even willing to listen to the fact the problem lies with them rather than with their children.
Try this simple exercise: Stand before a mirror. Looking at your image in the mirror and ask yourself if you can genuinely say yes to the following questions:
Can you completely accept the person you see in the mirror with all the person’s faults and limitations? Can you absolutely forgive the person in the mirror for all the sins and mistakes in the person’s past? Can you love that person unconditionally? Can you approve that person’s behavior and personality?
If you genuinely try this exercise a few times you will realize it difficult to say yes from the bottom of your heart to all of the above questions.
But try this exercise again with a small change.
Imagine that person in the mirror to be your brother, sister, a parent, a child, your best friend, or someone you love very much. Now ask the same questions above. You will notice you can now actually say yes to all of them quite easily and willingly.
Now look at the person in the mirror again and answer this following question:
How many times have you scolded or disapproved of that person for something or the other on the past? How many times have you become angry with that person in the past? If you verbalized your disapproval and anger you showed at yourself to another person say your brother, sister, a parent, a child, a friend or someone you love very much, would it not constitute abuse? Would it not be such worst abuse that you become legally punishable?
The answer in most cases is an ashamed yes.
Think back to all the times you hated yourself and shouted at yourself and you will know the answer for yourself.
We all carry an inner critic – a hard-to-please, strict disciplinarian. There is no pleasing this critic. The problem is in attempting it. Sometimes we hear it as the voice of our parent in our head, sometimes it is the voice of a neighbor, a peer, a boss, spouse, and at other times it is just our voice. We can forgive others for their shortcomings easily but we always are unforgiving perfectionists when it comes to ourselves. And that paves the shortest route to ruin and suffering.
Self Abuse is the most rampant of all issues and unless we can each learn to deal with our opinion of ourselves everything we do in our daily lives will only increase our insecurities.
Do the mirror exercise every day. Simply stand before the mirror and say that you accept the person in the mirror, forgive that person, affirm that you love that person, and approve of that person. Keep doing it until you can do it without any inner hesitation or emotions blocking you.
There are so many versions of mirror exercises out there in the web. In spite of the variations, the goal is same, absolute self-acceptance.
How would you know you have accepted yourself? When you notice you are no longer abusing yourself with mental, verbal, and physical self-destructive behavior. The day you stop chiding yourself for every small thing in your life, you have truly reached a state of self-acceptance. That day you will also notice a dramatic change in the way people around you treat you.
When people approach me for Hypnotherapy or Reiki Healing for any issue, this is one of the most common exercises we ask them to do. Self image is the area where most often root causes are revealed in regression sessions.
As promised in the previous post (Hypnotherapy Treatment for Hair Loss), here is a positive visualization technique for hair growth. This technique is for a receding hairline. It can help slow down baldness as well as promote the growth of hairline forward towards the forehead. This is a technique I personally used.
The positive visualization technique is simple. Just stand before a mirror. Examine the hair growth near the temples just above your sideburns. This is a place where hair is always thick and lush. If you notice bald heads, the hair just above the sideburns is the last to fall or usually doesn’t fall at all. Get that visual of thick and rich hair and scalp above your sideburns firmly into your mind.
Now run three fingers into the hair near your temples. Make sure you touch the scalp there. While you are running your fingers into your hair and scalp above your sideburns, visualize that your fingers are picking up the energies or the ability of the hair growth on the scalp there, as if the thickness of hair there is contagious and it will spread into any area of your scalp your fingers will touch next. Do this visualization and rubbing for a few seconds.
Now use the same three fingers and lightly rub them into the scalp wherever the hairline is receding. Run the fingers through the hair with forward motions from inside the hairline towards the bald scalp all the while visualizing that the area you are rubbing is getting infected with good health of the scalp and thickness of the hair that your fingers picked up over the sideburns. Visualize the health is spreading fast into the whole area.
Repeat the process a few times over. Running your fingers into your scalp above the sideburns while visualizing the health is contagious and then running the same fingers into the receding hairline in forward motions visualizing the health is spreading into this area.
Get away from the mirror immediately. Avoid lingering in front of the mirror after the visualization is over. This can cause to bring the old habit of brooding over the baldness and filling your head with negative affirmations. Avoid that.
Do this positive visualization for a few weeks. You will soon notice that the hairline is moving forward again and the hair is growing thicker too.
IMPORTANT TIPS TO MAKE THE POSITIVE VISUALIZATION A SUCCESS:
Imagination more important than physical action: More than the action rubbing the fingers into the hair, the imagination that health is contagious and that it is spreading as soon as you touch the fingers over the receding hairline.
Work on half inch of bald scalp at a time: Work step by step with a little area at a time. Start with rubbing bald scalp just up to half inch before the hairline. This will help you keep the visualization real and believable in the beginning. Once you see new hair growth, you will have enough confidence to cover more bald areas without losing the believability.
Stop checking: This is the trick that can bring great results. Stop checking whether the technique is working or not for a period of three to four weeks after you started the positive visualization technique. This will help you keep away from losing confidence on the technique as well as help you keep the negative suggestions to a minimum. After we start noticing our hair loss, we increase the stress often by brooding negatively in front of a mirror whenever we find an opportunity. Avoid this as much as you can for the next few weeks.
Be very consistent: As much as the success of this positive visualization technique for hair growth depends on the visualization that much the success also relies on consistency of the exercise. You can do this exercise just once a day or multiple times on days when you find time. But repeating this exercise at least once a day over a few weeks, say 3-4 weeks, is very important.
Of course, if there is a lot of stress and anxiety currently in your life due to some other issues, then it will help to undergo guided hypnotherapy sessions along with this technique in order to deal with stored anxiety and to learn to manage stress through relaxation techniques like self-hypnosis, meditation, etc.
I personally found great results with this positive visualization technique whenever I used it. It worked every time I used it. I also got positive reports from clients who used this technique.
One of the best uses of Hypnotherapy lies in using it to improve health and performance through positive affirmations, visualization and Self Hypnosis. Hypnotherapy and positive affirmations can fetch great results for physical health and well-being.
One such great application is use of positive visualization in controlling hair fall or even promoting hair growth. One of the major reasons for hair loss is stress and anxiety. There are other reasons too like hereditary, poor health and diet, etc. Even in these cases anxiety can accelerate the hair fall tremendously.
Hypnotherapy is a very safe method to reduce hair fall as well as promote hair growth. It has absolutely no side effects and also decreases the overall stress and anxiety levels of the clients.
Using visualization techniques, positive affirmations, and self-hypnosis, clients see a significant hair growth and also increase the health of the hair condition. The course of hair loss treatment can last over a few weeks or longer depending on severity of the issue and the response rate.
One important factor in having better results is attitude of the client towards the therapy. The more positive a client is towards the therapy the better the results. Hypnotherapy relies on power of suggestion and the readiness of the client to accept such suggestions. Hair loss being caused by anxiety and other temporary causes like poor diet, etc. respond well to the program. Some hair fall conditions may not be worked through hypnotherapy.
In the next post I shall share a very simple visualization technique to promote hair growth in receding hairlines.
At Purple Room Healing we are conducting guided hypnotherapy and positive visualization programs for hair loss and hair growth starting this month in Chennai. You can contact us on 9500117031 during weekdays between 10 am and 5 pm.
‘My dad would beat me up and tie me to the bed post.’
‘My mother never let me go out with friends because she felt they were not right for me.’
‘My father never had confidence in me.’
‘My parents forced me into this marriage.’
‘Both my mom and dad knew about the abuse I was undergoing, but they didn’t want to lose face in the society. So they did nothing.’
I get clients who had a difficult childhood. Some of them grew with parents who constantly fought with each other, some of them had an over-protective single parent, some of them had very strict parents, and some of them were with parents who hardly acknowledged their presence.
In many ways each of us had trouble with our parents and hated them on more than one occasion. Most of us learn to cope and a very few actually resolve their issues with them. But for some of the clients the childhood would be so bad that they would carry the scars into their adult lives very badly.
Excuse to Ruin Your Life Further
These people blame their parents for their lives being a mess today. They carry the pain and guilt and it practically ruins their lives. Over a period of time this becomes a good excuse to shirk responsibility and avoid facing their fears. It is the new comfort zone – ‘our shell’ so to speak.
Then from a genuine anger it turns into a defence mechanism born out of frustration. After parents they start unconsciously choosing other replacements to blame their frustrations and failures upon.
The Present Is Not the Past
It may be true that they had been through severely traumatic past. But the truth is that such clients have chosen to cling to the past. This is a point where most healing comes to a standstill. In fact this is where most of our lives come to a standstill itself. We have put our present and future on a pause interminably.
No matter how painful the past may have been, choosing to make the best of the present is the only solution. If we can understand that past may have been the time when we were helpless but present is all ours, we can find it easy to realize we are not that helpless afterall. The past never haunts us, we cling to the past for various reasons.
Process of Letting Go
Of course only way to move on is to let go. That means not only letting go of the pains of the past but, more importantly, letting go of past resentments and regrets.
I’ve often seen that resentment, regret, and guilt are the biggest blocks to healing and all progress.
And with clients who are not willing to let go or, in some cases, not even willing to acknowledge they are clinging to the past, all we do is end the therapy for good. We have no choice. The choice rests with the person who is carrying the past.
Adult Is Not A Child
Obvious isn’t. Yet we do not apply it most of the time.
Yes, parents may have been responsible for your low self-opinion in your early childhood. But you are not that child anymore. The truth is that if you are old enough to realize the mistake lies with your parents in your childhood, you are also old enough to understand the mistake now lies with you in choosing to wear the past like a jacket around you.
We all have a choice to make – we can either acknowledge that we are not as bad as we think we are (and nor is our situation) and let go of the past, or we can hang on to live in the past and continue to drive our life in a downward spiral hoping to get our parents to regret and repent their mistakes.
Parents Need To Realize or Suffer
In order to impress upon the parents their suffering, some of us go to the extreme of hurting ourselves and our lives.
A simple understanding here makes it easy to choose the healing path. The person facing the problem today is not the parents but you. The life at stake is not the parents’ but yours.
And the more we try to push our parents to realize the truth through our suffering, the more we are abusing ourselves. It actually has an opposite effect too. It only strengthens parent’s negative viewpoint about us.
Nobody Understands Me
Yes, nobody can, nobody will. And for this precise reason, only we can change our lives.
Suffering is there to tell us we are going the wrong way and need to change our ways. It is not there to tell us to change the world.
Unless they are ready to let go of the past, people who blame their parents, cannot find happiness or satisfaction in life. They think they are willing to sacrifice the happiness too, but the truth is they haven’t. Their lives are caught between trying to punish themselves or their parents and trying to find happiness and peace. The two goals are mutually exclusive. It just gives rise to a traumatic existence and a miserable future.
Imagine this: A poor lonely girl sitting alone by herself on a starlit night full of sorrow and suffering. She is quietly weeping for herself and her pitiable condition. She has nobody to talk to and everybody around her is treating her badly including her family. She hopes somebody would come to her aid. She is yearning for her prince and savior to come along and save her from her plight. Someone who would love her with all his heart and make her worthy of her life. This is the Cinderella Syndrome.
We all know the Cinderella story. The poor fatherless girl mistreated by her step-mother and made to scrub the floor all day. She yearns for a better life and weeps all night long. One day her step-sisters go to the ball at the palace. Cinderella wishes she could go to the ball too. And lo, a fairy godmother appears and turns Cinderella’s rags into a lovely dress, and rats and pumpkin into horses and a chariot. Cinderella dances with the prince at the ball who is taken by her beauty. By the hour of midnight, heeding the warning of the Fairy godmother, Cinderella rushes out of the ball leaving behind her glass slipper. The prince has his staff search for the girl whose foot would fit the glass slipper. Cinderella’s foot fits and she is married to the prince, and she lives ever after.
The Cinderella Syndrome is a real life situation of a fatherless girl who was unconsciously playing the Cinderella for real. Unfortunately, Cinderella stories don’t end well in reality. This girl had prince after prince coming to her rescue but they would then eventually desert her and go.
This happens because her mind had to survive her identity which she formed of herself from early childhood. And that identity was that of a lonely, suffering girl who is hurt by near and dear again and again. Once the mind forms an identity for the person, its goal is to keep it alive – to keep both the body and the identity alive. So for this girl, in spite of yearning and manifesting princes into her life, her mind has to still keep her lonely and suffering, hurt by near and dear. Now the near and dear also include her romantic relationships. Yet her desperation to get out of the situation is also real.
So she battles with herself endlessly. She manages to attract guys who would take advantage of her desperation and then dump her. She would be left once more the poor Cinderella. After a few repeated such incidents she has a fear of relationships which all the more helps her to remain the suffering Cinderella.
Real life Cinderella is helpless by choice, derives melancholic enjoyment of her loneliness, noble in her own view due to her uncomplaining (not entirely) suffering. Her self-pity, self-hatred, and her pride keep her remaining that way.
There is only one way for real life Cinderellas to get out of this miserable loop – to decide not to be a Cinderella in the first place. They need to give up their life story. They need to look beneath the voids they carry within to find out their true self. The Cinderella Syndrome is an addiction to pain.
Most real life Cinderellas carry a deep void within. They wait for an outside hero to come and fill that void. This is their second mistake. The first and their biggest mistake is in assuming they are the void within. Instead of trying to fill the void, they need to question the reality of the void they carry within. Is she the identity she formed in her childhood? Or is she somebody else? Can she, as a life, survive if that identity is snatched away from her? The day real life Cinderellas can give a yes to the last question, they can effectively come out of their troubles and heal their lives.
Low self-esteem issues are quite common to my practice. In fact, all therapies in one way or the other have to do with self-image. And when we suffer from a low self-esteem problem and are unable to resolve it, we manage to cover it from the world by taking a defensive stand. Some become reserved and gruff, some put up a false intellectual front, some pretend to be uber happy, and some turn shy and silent, and then there are hundred other ways to cover it up.
Dealing with self-esteem issues or any issue for that matter is not a big deal if we are really willing to resolve our problems. But there are times when some of us tend to take an extreme stand about themselves after years of struggling with issues. One one extreme is self pity and other self hatred.
From a healing point of view, both are really dangerous attitudes. Because they not only prevent us from effectively resolving our issues but also become a very important reason why we are facing issues also. Let us see how.
Self pity is a sorry state. A person with self pity begins to see himself in a sorry state and as a figure of sacrifice. He feels he is a helpless victim of any situation and believes he would remain so. He often spends time in pitying himself and blaming others for his plight. He comes to feel so bad for himself so much that they readily accept the victim’s role as a part of who they are.
And once that happens, they continue to attract situations where they can play victims. The mind always makes true what it believes. It manipulates situations and people around to fulfill its needs and beliefs. So once the person believes he is a victim, he unconsciously seeks to worm himself into situations where he could become one. It is like if you become a doctor, you need to treat patients to justify your role. So you set up a medical practice and start seeking people with illnesses. Much similarly, the mind starts looking for situations and people who would victimize it so the self-pity is justified. These people carry a lot of resentment and anger within.
Self hatred also works similarly but on the opposite side of the scale. Person who hates herself usually start playing the role of a perpetrator. She needs to justify her hatred. She just starts looking for victims and situations where she could have reasons to hate herself. In her mind, it’s all her fault! These people also carry a lot of guilt. They also carry a need to punish themselves.
People on these two extremes have a need to make sad stories of their lives. The truth is that need is neither ‘subconscious’ or ‘unconscious’. There is no need for a hypnotherapy regression or ‘psychological evaluation’ to bring up this need to the surface. All one has to do is to watch their thoughts and the motivations will be readily seen. If you can watch your thoughts with complete honesty – which means without denying or resisting them in any way – you can readily find out if you are carrying any of these traits in you. By watching your thoughts, you can also easily realize how you are manipulating yourself into a victim’s or a perpetrator’s role
This becomes the first block to any healing or therapy. This needs to go in order to resolve other issues in your life. How can self pity and self hatred be healed? All you need is consistent refusal to take that attitude. Be alert in your head and watch your thoughts keenly. The moment you start feeling sorry for yourself and anger for situation or the moment you start cursing yourself and feel severe guilt, just move into the present moment and refuse to take that attitude. Be consistent and you can easily come out of that viewpoint.
Every building and the land has its own past and energy levels. I am not speaking of Vaastu or Feng Shui. By energy levels I mean how the house or place can affect your emotional state through its own, for the lack of a better word, vibrations. I am also speaking of spirit energies attached to a place or house.
Yes, it might sound strange, or even incredible, but check it out. Don’t you find some places inherently creepy no matter what time of the day you go there? Have you ever noticed that your temper and other emotions tend to increase in particular rooms in your own space or others’? Of course, some cases may be due to personal psychological triggers related to that particular space. Like if you had entertained negative thoughts repeatedly in a specific room or corner in your house then soon you will be habituated to think negatively whenever you are in that same spot.
But if others around you too have similar emotional highs in the same rooms and, in some cases, even visitors to your house tend to exhibit fear or trepidation in the same places in your house then it obviously has something to do with the space itself.
Most often they won’t be something that warrants a change of house itself. A simple cleansing of that space and house (or business office) will help clear and cleanse the energies. House cleansing through Hypnotherapy is one such technique. It’s a very simple and one of the safest methods to cleanse. In this, the cleansing is not even required to be done from inside the house, though the follow-up maintenance is always done at the place.
Effects of Energy Attachments to a Place
The most obvious effect is its influence on the emotions and relationships of the people residing in that space. The negative thought-forms subtly (or sometimes severely) influence the emotional state of the people in that space and over time the influence becomes stronger and quicker. Relationships can become strained due to such influences. In case of spirit attachments, the effects cannot be predicted because they largely depend on the past and intention of the spirits and soul fragments.
The other area of influence seems to be on the health of the family members. The spirit energies or thought-forms can affect the natural health and balance of people and make them vulnerable to various ailments.
In some cases, finances of the family seem to decline due to energy attachment in house.
One other common case is that of the soul fragment trying to evict the people from that space. It usually is done by spirits of people who owned or lived in that house earlier. The influence of the spirit attachment in these cases could be deliberate or unintentional. The spirit cannot rest until the house is empty again.
Another common effect is fear due to direct perception of the spirits themselves. The presence of spirit(s) is felt by most of the family members in various situations. In some cases, some members have also described to me the appearance of the spirit form. But most often it is presence as a vague form through their peripheral vision and the experience is shared by others in the family too. They see forms walking past in the hallway, in the toilets, etc.
House Cleansing through Hypnosis
House cleansing is a simple yet effective and safer method of cleansing a space or land of these energies. The client is usually someone who lives or owns the place. The session is performed at the therapy center itself but the results are extremely quick and apparent.
Maintenance of the Cleansed Space: Your Responsibility
Cleansing a space will certainly get rid of negative space energies. But it is the maintenance of the space after cleansing that is important to keep the space from picking up further negative energies. This is a part that the people who live in the house need to take up and practice. The processes of maintenance are simple enough and there are many ways. But the consistency is important.
Think of it this way. A person with malaria goes to a physician for treatment. House Cleansing done with the therapist is similar to a physician treating a patient for malaria. But that does not guarantee the person will not get the same disease again the next year. This is where the physician prescribes precautions like using mosquito repellents, clearing stagnant waters in and around the house, etc. These cannot be done by the physician. Similarly the householders need to take up the maintenance so that the house energy levels are maintained well. As I said, the process itself is easy and simple. It just demands some consistency, that is all.
In the last posts (Part 1 & Part 2) I discussed about mental health and the most important time of the day where your emotions and thoughts can set a trend for the day. This post let me share with you a very simple meditation method that will help you reduce stress and anxiety dramatically in your daily life. It can also help you become attain peace and calmness if you practise it every day.
The very word meditation sometimes puts us off. We have, at least some of us, have tried in the past various meditation techniques and have failed to achieve the consistency in practise. Two most important obstacles were time and achieving concentration. We either did not have the time to put aside for the meditation. Some meditation techniques demanded a particular time of the day be set aside for it, especially like early mornings which turn out to be particularly difficult for those who are night birds. Some meditation methods insisted on long durations of practise – sometimes even an hour out of our daily routine. The other reason why we give up a few other meditation techniques is because of its demand of nearly super human single minded concentration which seems to be more difficult than time. Just when we want to empty our minds that all sorts of silly thoughts come into our heads.
The meditation technique which I am sharing is neither time consuming nor requires inordinate amounts of mental concentration. You don’t even need to practise it at a regular time too. In fact, the efficacy of this meditation technique lies in practising it everywhere and anywhere you can.
The technique is deceptively simple. All you need to do is to simply move your awareness into your body and this moment. Let me explain how to do that.
First of all, you do not have to assume any meditative posture for this. Doing that can help you initially if you are used to practising meditations, but otherwise it’s not necessary. Again the best benefits of this technique can be extracted if you do this anywhere in any posture.
Simply begin by watching your posture. This can be done either by closing your eyes or with your eyes open. The goal here is to bring yourself, your mind I mean, into this moment and to ground yourself. It means you are bringing yourself here and now. Becoming aware of your posture or physical presence is an easy way to do this. Be like this for a while.
Become aware of your body from the inside. It means you are going into being the posture. See, all postures are actions like sitting, lying, standing, resting, etc. So go into that doing. Be it. Be the sitting person, be the standing person, or be whatever your posture is doing right now. Do not be deceived by the simplicity of this technique. Try it and you will find tremendous results.
The Thinking Mind
Well, what about the mind? You do not have to empty your mind. Just watch it. Do not try to clear your mind. Neither do you try to hang on to a particular thought. Just let them be – in the background. Your awareness is into your posture. Into being.
It means you are letting your mind be what it wants to be and YOU are going away from it. Yes, you and your mind can be separated like that. By ‘you’ here I mean your awareness. So simply let your thoughts be, let your mind be.
What you are doing is letting everything be. You are not trying to change anything. You are moving into the being of the moment. So, like I said, it does not require extraordinary consciousness. Just plain awareness. It’s easy.
Time and Duration
You can do this meditation anytime and anywhere. And you can do this for any duration ranging from just a few seconds to an hour too. In fact, I would not recommend that you do this for longer duration at a set time of the day like other meditation practises. The efficacy of this technique lies in its time flexibility.
I have noticed that in meditation practises people tend to get the best benefit out of it during their early days of practise and then gradually the benefits seem to disappear. The problem is not with the technique but in our ability to compartmentalize our daily routine. We usually stop the benefits of meditation influencing us in the rest of the day after the meditation. In the beginning days of practise, we are so motivated that we feel the lightness, joy, calmness, or peace that we gained during the meditation all through the day. After the initial motivation wanes, we tend to go back to our worry patterns and even the meditation seems to become a burden at times. So what peace we gain during the meditation practise seems to fade within ten minutes of getting up. Yes, any good meditation practise can change that and affect our whole life positively in a long term practise. But that again takes us back to our initial problem of consistency in practise.
So the best way to gain benefit out of this practise is to do this meditation just about two or three minutes or less and do it number of times per day. As you do not have a restriction of posture and you don’t even have to close your eyes for this meditation, it makes it easy to practise this meditation just about anywhere. While sitting in the office or the class during a break, while travelling (if you are not driving, of course), during brief periods of waiting, in the toilet, just after eating. Read the next part here for some best recommended times that can provide greatest benefit out of this technique.
Benefits of Meditation
The first thing that you will notice is the flushing of stress and anxiety. An instant calmness will come over your body and mind as you become aware of them. When you move into the posture and be the posture, what happens is that you are letting go of your identity with your thoughts. You are not stopping the thoughts, but are not attaching yourself with them anymore. Again, the goal is to move into ‘here and now’. Be only in this moment. Any thoughts about the next moment let them be. Just watch them. Don’t try to change them.
This technique acts a vacuum cleaner for stress and emotions. What I mean is that it can effectively stop stress and bothersome emotions from affecting other areas of your life. So when you practise this regularly, you stop carrying emotions across different areas of your life. Stress of your personal life will not affect your professional area. And vice versa.
Due to its flexibility, this technique can be incorporated in your daily life far easily than other longer methods. Of course you can continue any other meditations and Kriyas that you are already doing or intend to take up. In fact, this practise will aid you in other mind management or spiritual techniques.
A constant state of peace will become yours when you pepper this practise along the entire day. You will notice that you are able to look at problems in their proper perspective and proportion. In fact you will even be able to deal with tougher issues with a presence of mind. Worry becomes lesser.
In the previous article (click here) we have seen that the first set of impression we form in the morning soon as we wake up set a mood for the day. Those set of thoughts and emotions are then amplified during the time we spend in the toilet. Similar thoughts get added and we have successfully determined the way our day is going to take shape.
Yes, we cannot control our thoughts. We haven’t all mastered the art of mind control. And control in most cases on ends up increasing or suppressing the thoughts we are trying to control. This only leads to future trouble. So trying not to think in a certain way is not the first step to do here. The trick is learning to ignore thoughts that we do not want to have.
So as soon as we wake up, our thoughts are usually determined by a few variables – the dreams that we had, the plan or expectations for the day, the events of the previous night (which also determined the nature of our dreams), or the circumstances in which we woke up (like woken up rudely by a grumbling member of the family). Anyway, we cannot control these thoughts. But what is under our control is how we react to those thoughts.
Changing our Reactions
We can choose to pick up negative thoughts and moods and amplify them by losing temper and calm. Or we can choose to move over those thoughts and think of some pleasant ones that will set our mood right.
Many think that this is easier said than done. Actually the opposite is true. It is easy to do most of the days and tough only at certain times. The success of the technique lies in knowing that a mood or thought continues as a mindless repetition and also because we want to be in that mood. By knowing this we can do two things to change the way our day’s experiences are shaped. One, since the thoughts are going to be mindless repetition, it means that they may continue for some time and all we need to do here is to ignore them.
Two, by knowing that we feel lousy because we want to, we can simply pause for a moment and ask ourselves how we want to feel throughout the day. That will immediately set our priorities right and we will be able to ignore the negative thoughts and choose to look at the day with positive expectations. The trick again is not to expect thoughts to go away or try to control them, instead to ignore them and focus on the positive.
Yes, there will be certain days where the first thoughts are related to our deep issues that we find it difficult not to want them. When you can’t do anything, the only way you can lessen the impact of that mood on your daily activities is by accepting the truth of the situation. Yes, I am angry and I am not willing to give it up. Accept it and it will help you move on to some extent. The mood could continue through the day, but it will not be as bad as it could be if you had been resisting the mood. Just accept it as such.
The next post, I will give you a very simple meditation technique to help your mind manage stress effectively.
We call thoughts bad thoughts and good thoughts. We strive to stop or control negative and bad thoughts; and we try to carry and encourage positive thoughts. But are there good and bad thoughts? Are there are negative thoughts and positive thoughts in reality?
Our mind as such does not discriminate one thought from another. A thought being bad or good comes from our belief system. A belief today was also just a thought at one point of time in our lives for us – during the childhood. And we hardly seem to outgrow our childhood beliefs. Hence we carry opinions about good thoughts and bad thoughts. So how does this piece of knowledge help us in our lives?
The truth is that a thought by itself has no power. It is our reaction to the thought that makes it potent or impotent. A thought by itself, is just that, a mere thought. A thought is not necessarily a suggestion. But when we react to it (like getting frustrated or angry because of that thought) that’s when we have accepted it as a suggestion in our head.
In fact, the truth is that a belief is not formed after repeated events proving a certain viewpoint true. Rather, it happens in the exact opposite manner. A viewpoint is accepted as a belief by the subconscious first and then it strives to prove it true over and over. Think of it as a colored filter applied to a lens. Now every scenery is colored with the shade of the lens. That is how we experience the world. And slowly these beliefs, as they are proven true over and over by our mind, shape our personality. We come to hold certain viewpoints as true and certain as false. Similarly, we hold certain thoughts as good and certain as bad only after such a standard has been programmed into us. This programming happens either through SEERS programming – Socio Economic Educational Religious and Spiritual belief systems coming from our parents, teachers, gurus, etc., or they become our ‘moral’ standards with through some personal emotional experiences.
If you want thoughts to have the least effect, you must learn to ignore them as they come. Do not deny them, just let them come, and as easily let them pass. Get out of the habit of reacting to them.
Many spiritual practices too recommend that you learn to ignore thoughts and not to react to them. But that cannot happen completely unless you are willing to question your ‘moral’ standards and ego-based beliefs.
It all started more than a decade ago in 1995 when I had joined a computer graphics training academy in Vadapalani. There I had met this fellow student sporting a strange moustache with a life of its own. Unlike other moustaches I had good fortune to observe in the past, this one had refused to remain stuck on the upper lip. It had greater ambitions. This moustache not only made itself a bushy resident under the guy’s nostrils, it had also managed to spread tentacles out around his mouth and encroach upon his chin.
Needless to say, it was the first time I met someone with a ‘French Beard’ – as it is called in South India. The first impression was one of intimidation and aggression. I thought I need to steer clear of this fellow and that’s what I did in the beginning. But soon I realized my first impressions were wrong. This guy was actually pally and approachable. I wondered what made me come to the initial false conclusion. I got the answer a few weeks later when the guy had shaved his ‘Frenchie’.
His face had transformed from being menacing and aggressive to sensitive and soft. ‘He sported the beard to look assertive!’ said a quiet voice at the back of my head.
I did not have much time to draw more meaning out of this for my life got busy booting me about. Of course that quiet part of my mind to which the quiet voice had belonged to, continued to make quiet notes on people with French Beards.
Much, much later as I came by this profession and got busy seeing clients, the quiet mind began to open its quiet mouth once more. I noticed a strange correlation between a French Beard and self-esteem levels of the guy sporting it.
Nearly everybody who walked into my therapy room with a French beard was suffering from low self-esteem – either temporarily or chronically. They were also soft spoken personalities. ‘Their beard is a coping mechanism’, whispered the quiet voice from the back of my head.
I was almost convinced but not enough to submit a dissertation on it. It was convincing, I mean. I realized how uncomfortable and squirmy I used to become before people with French beards. Think how a small outgrowth left unchecked, or cunningly manicured, could transform an entire face from a simple, sweet front to a severe and intimidating facade insisting on a matching presence of a strong minded personality beneath the cranium.
I began to take serious note of French bearded people. I noticed the quiet observation of my quiet mind was quite admirable. Even those who were temporarily sporting the French beards were undergoing temporary self-esteem or ‘stage presence’ issues.
You have to note that this is not true of every beard that falls under the broad, fuzzy category of French beards. I am speaking of true French Beards – those unbroken lines of brush that crawl around the mouth and cover a lot of chin. Even all true French beards, I’ve noticed, are not for compensation of presence. Especially when a number of elderly gentlemen nowadays are gravitating towards the classic Fench cut, I’ve realized they are merely trying to cover up wrinkles under the chin rather than to make up for any inner lack they feel. Yes, perhaps that is also an issue of image, but I can’t care to comment upon it.
On a serious note, all I can say is that in all the cases of such lack of self-esteem or ‘stage presence’ the lack is only a belief held by the mind rather than any real insufficiency. The mind then simply attracts situations to prove its beliefs right and proceeds to subtly alter the behavior of the person just because there is a self-held belief.
Note: This article is meant to be anecdotal and lighthearted. Not to be taken seriously.
Most of us think addiction means being under the control of a substance or a habit and not being able free yourself from it. Though that definition is true, it also creates a misperception that if we are in control of a habit then we are not addicted to it.
The mind can play tricks on our perception. Only in cases of extreme and prolonged addiction we get the feeling of loss of control over the habit or substance. But in most addictions our mind gives us the impression that we are under control of the habit.
Most addicts will tell you they have absolute control over their vice and they can stop if they want to. That is exactly how the mind keeps up the addiction – by creating an illusion of control. We feel we can stop the habit if we want to, but, strangely enough, we never find any reason to stop it!
Only way you will know if you are an addict is to find out, in spite of ‘being in control’, how many times were you actually motivated to stay away from your addiction. And how many times did you give in to the urges?
Why do we become addicts in the first place? Why does the mind want it in place so badly that it will go the lengths of deceiving us?
Function of an Addiction
Addictions serve as a ‘cover-up’ for our issues in life. Ever noticed how restless you tend to get when you are idle? We quickly say we are bored and try to occupy ourselves with some pastime. Did you ever wonder what boredom is and why we should even be bored? It is because our minds are restless and we cannot remain in peace for long. (It is not that we cannot, it is only we are not used to). So it keeps finding ways to occupy itself.
Addiction is similar but only on a more serious scale. When we carry issues of the past in our heads, we also carry opinions and beliefs about ourselves based on those issues. Our mind then becomes a constant and noisy critic in the background, always scolding us and point out our mistakes as we go about our daily lives. All this criticism is coming because we hold deep opinions about ourselves.
Automatically, we look for ‘occupations’ that will quieten temporarily the ‘mental noise’ in the background. Our past habits like smoking, drinking, shopping, gossiping or hobbies like watching movies, browsing internet quickly become those ‘occupations’. The frequency and the intensity of that habit now rise dramatically and we soon find ourselves dependent on it just to cope with our lives.
It is natural that in order that to let go of an addiction be it through hypnotherapy, reiki, or other de-addiction programs, we need to address those deeper opinions and beliefs we hold about ourselves first than on the addiction itself. Removing an addiction without addressing the inner beliefs will only bring temporary results or we will simply switch to another addiction.
Though the clinical training and experience of the therapist are the most important factors, let us assume the client has made necessary enquiries in that area (See ‘How to find a good Hypnotherapist?’ for more). Coming to the session itself, the foremost role of the therapist is in pre-talk. Pre-talk is a consultation session where the past life therapist explains to the client how the therapy works as well as clears misconceptions about past life regression therapy. Most clients have many expectations and opinions about past life regression. If the client had not attended any past life sessions, then most of the expectations and opinions would have been created by the media as well as their religious and cultural background. Some opinions could simply be false. It is the role of the therapist to find out these expectations and set them right if necessary.
What many therapists end up doing in pre-talk is making a sales pitch – which creates even more expectations in the client’s head. The misconceptions remain. Creating an expectation towards healing is necessary, but creating expectations about the therapeutic process itself can become counter-productive sometimes.
There are other responsibilities of the therapist, but discussing them here will only create a client to become analytical during the session, thus again creating a block to a successful past life regression session.
Role of the Client in Past Life Regression Therapy
The client’s responsibility is an important determinant for a successful past life regression therapy.
One of the biggest obstacles towards a successful past life regression therapy is excitement and anticipation on the part of the client. What with so many television channels having hyped up past life regression therapy through their programs, lot of excitement has been generated for this therapy. Clients want to ‘experience’ past life more than having their issues resolved. There are clients who want only past life regression because they are sure the root causes to their problems are from a past life. Some of them are true, some are simply excited.
The most important expectation for a client should be resolution of their problem, rather than having to ‘see’ their past lives. Anticipation about who they could have been in their past life can produce false memories. That would simply be a wasted session without any concrete progress towards actual therapy. Excitement can also cause the client to regress nowhere. They simply hit a blank wall.
There is a simple way to move away from anticipation and excitement. Put your focus on the actual goal of the past life therapy – which is solving a problem in the current life. Do that and you will make easy progress.
In the last post we have seen how Past Life Regression Therapy works. Now let’s explore root causes. As I said, past life regression is done for the purpose of pinpointing the root cause to the problem and resolving it. Root causes are unique to each problem and person. However, they can be broadly classified based on the consequences they cause.
Some root causes create karmic debts. By karma, most people seem to think it is some kind of punishment or tit-for-tat situation. That depends on our perspective. As long as we see karma as punishment, we cannot get out of the situation nor accept it fully. But karma is also an opportunity to learn. Think of it this way – a school student can see his learning process as a grueling torture or as an opportunity to learn something new. The perspective alters their experience. And if you notice, unless the learning is completed, we will only repeat similar experiences that also worsen with each repetition. The worsening part is due to our increasing frustration and
In some past life therapy sessions, we get root causes that have become emotional triggers, meaning they are incidents of emotional trauma that become associated with strong reactions in us, and every time similar situation occurs in our current lives it triggers off same strong reactions. Shortly put, it is a strong emotional habit. For instance, many psychosomatic diseases like asthma, stress-based psoriasis, etc. are triggered in similar ways. Physical reactions are caused by cellular memories. Each cell of our body seems to have a capacity to hold limited memory in the way of physical reactions like pain or other dysfunctions. Whenever a strong emotional situation occurs the simultaneous reactions of the body are deeply etched into the cellular memories. And when similar emotions are evoked, the cells throw up the physical reactions. Hence, the cases where people who have died of drowning in the past seem to have asthmatic attacks in face of severe threat (both physical and mental) to their survival.
Some past life regressions root causes are oaths, vows, and contracts. We sometimes feel so strongly about something or someone that we enter into very strong contracts or take serious oaths. These seem to have their effects carried into our future lives until we revoke them consciously.
In the next post we shall look at requirements for a successful past life regression therapy both in terms of therapist and the client’s responsibilities.
Past Life Therapy has become quite popular these days because of its recent promotion in the television. As a hypnotherapist many clients call me just for Past Life Regression. Initiated in India by ‘Raaz Pichle Janam Ka’ in Hindi, it was later remade into many regional languages including Mun Jenmam in Tamil. The therapists all over the metros started getting enquiries about past life regression including in Chennai. But how does a Past Life Regression Therapy work?
There is a general assumption that by recalling past life memories, we see the roots of current life problems and hence it helps us resolve the problem from its core. The assumption is true but let us go into it in more detail.
When a client undergoes past life regression, there is always a goal (obvious…but is it?) – to resolve a problem in the current life. The stress on goal is important because some times, in the excitement of ‘seeing’ past life memories, the clients can tend to become enthusiastic about therapy itself than the goal, which will only lead to waste of money and time.
So a client is regressed to those past life memories which are the root cause for current life’s problems. The problem could be a phobia, a relationship issue (marital problems, parent child relationship), resentment or jealousy issues, sexuality issues, certain physical conditions (Psychosomatic diseases), etc.
The therapeutic goal of a Past Life Regression is not to make the client ‘relive’ the memories and trauma but to simply find what the real problem is. You see, when a client comes with a problem to be resolved, a therapist never sees that as a problem but as a symptom for a root problem.
Think of it this way. You approach a doctor with fever, headache and other symptoms. The doctor would never give you a paracetamol; in fact, you would have gone to a doctor after having tried your own medication. The doctor’s goal is to find out what’s causing the fever and other symptoms in the first place.
The same is the case here. The client is having the current problem as a symptom of a deeper root cause. Sometimes those roots may lie in past lives. Hence the diagnostic tool Past Life Regression Therapy. Just like the doctor may find a malarial parasite or some virus as a cause for the symptoms, past life regression will help you find the root problem. Once the root cause is found, the client needs to focus their attention on it. For this root cause is the reason why the client is having certain problems in current life.
Past Life Therapy is not just a great diagnostic tool it is also a powerful therapeutic technique. Once the root cause is found one of the two things happen; in some cases the problem comes down by itself. The mind works out the solution as soon as the root cause is recalled. There is a certain ‘automatic release’ that happens as soon as the root cause becomes apparent to the subconscious. This can be seen in cases of phobias or psychosomatic diseases mostly, though I have seen such results even in cases of relationship and other issues too. The problem may be resolved fully or it may come down to a manageable level.
But do not expect this dramatic change to happen in every case. In other cases, the therapist and the client now work towards resolving the root problem. It may be a few more sessions still before the client starts seeing resolution and positive changes.
In the next article, I will explain about what kind of root causes may come up and also the right mental attitude and other conditions required of the client for a successful past life regression therapy to happen.
Here is the story. There was a kid who was very fond of music and playing guitar. All his friends were football players. Whenever he and his friends used to hangout together, the topic would mostly be about football. They would discuss quarterback techniques, defence strategies, and other football related stuff. And this kid used to feel left out and lonely during these times. He wished he had a fellow music lover for company. Nevertheless the kid kept his interest in guitar going strong and would practise regularly.
With the friends always talking about football and how to be successful in it, what was initially loneliness in the kid gradually turned into an inferiority feeling. Perhaps guitar was not the way to success! Happiness became synonymous with success. If you are successful then you are naturally happy!
As the kid reached his teenage, he began to believe that a football player is a more successful person than a guitar player; but he couldn’t leave his passion for guitar. Then came the big phase of critical decision making – should I be a guitar player or should I be successful? The teenager decided to give up music for football and success. He joined his friends and started rigorous practise. Of course, he could not ace in that sport because his heart was not in it. So the inferiority complex grew deeper. Another mistake he made was comparing himself with his friends who were into the sport from childhood. Naturally they were better than him for they had years of experience and practise. But he failed to look at that, he just compared by age.
He became a mediocre player who was allowed to play because the team needed sufficient numbers. He began to fear that he would be chucked out of the team anytime a better player turns up. In a few years his friends made it to bigger teams and games. But his growth was limited. By now he was in his late twenties. And married.
The fear of being kicked out of the team became a constant source of anxiety and stress. Burden of responsibility of family took its toll too. He withdrew from his social interactions and spent time brooding, worrying, and secretly crying. Children became new additions to his family. And his fears grew proportionately. Self-esteem was as low as his blood pressure. He believed his fear of failure was the root cause.
In all these years, the guitar lay in a corner (for he hadn’t the heart to dump it) gathering dust. Occasionally it would be source of short-lived motivation for the man to change his life, to start afresh but, in his words, it was too late! The truth was that he had grown too comfortable with his life and circumstances. He did not have the guts to dig up old beliefs about success and happiness and change them. He was too afraid to step out of his comfort zone.
The passionate kid who loved music grew up into a fearful man who hated himself, his life and his job. His mistake: he let others define success and happiness for him.
Many of my clients say they have a fear of failure when it comes to their profession. I ask them, do you love what you are doing? What’s the point of learning stress management when the source of stress is still active! That’s like wearing raincoat inside your house just because your roof is leaking. Fix the roof!
Finding a good Hypnotherapist in Chennai or Bangalore or Hyderabad or any other city is not as difficult as you imagine. Just follow simple guidelines so you can be sure you can find a fair playing Hypnotherapist in your city. Click on the article title for more.
It’s been a long while since I wrote a similar article and many things have changed since. So here’s another guide to finding a good Hypnotherapist through online search in your local area.
The most common way we search for Hypnotherapists online is with keywords like Hypnotherapist in Chennai, Bangalore, or other places as necessary. The other method is looking up a local directory for Hypnotherapists or Past Life Regression Therapists in your city.
However, just because a hypnotherapist’s name appears in the top results does not necessarily mean he/she is the best hypnotherapist. It only means the hypnotherapist has got a good Search Engine Optimization (SEO) done. SEO is a set of tools and practises that ensures that your result appears in the first page of Google and other popular search engines. So the task of finding if the hypnotherapist is good enough still remains.
Website and Testimonials: Visiting the website or blog of the hypnotherapist will provide some information about the hypnotherapist but remember the content of the website or blog is always carefully thought out and well written. Mostly not even by the therapist. Testimonials could be of some help but always take them with a pinch of salt.
First Call: Try to talk with the therapist personally. If that is not possible, get an appointment for consultation and meet the therapist before you decide to undergo therapy. Your first impression counts.
Certification: Currently, in India, there are no legal certifications required for one to practise Hypnotherapy. However, a certification from a well-standing institute will at least make sure the hypnotherapist has had a formal training in both theory and practise of Hypnotherapy.
Experience: Find out how many years of practise he/she’s had. More importantly find out if the therapist has had any experience with issues similar to yours (yes that means you need to tell the therapist about your issue, even if briefly, in the first meeting or call).
Quality Time Spent: A therapist may spend only twenty minutes with you but if those twenty minutes have been spent in listening to your case or in offering sound counselling or therapy then you probably are in good hands. But if the therapist is extremely time-conscious to the point of being rude and ending therapy abruptly at the end of the allotted hour, perhaps you may need to change your therapist. Of course, as a client again, you must discuss your issue clearly and stop at that; not go round in circles repeating the same issue as if you are complaining with your family member. In such cases, therapists usually cuts you off, sometimes rudely too.
Misconception: No hypnotherapist can take your mind under control and extract truths from you. Any therapist claiming to do so is a sham and a liar. Get out of there before he/she proceeds to dish out more lies in order to make money out of you.
Rapport and Trust: The main question here is not if the hypnotherapist is good but if the hypnotherapist is good for you! In Hypnotherapy, as in the case of all successful therapies, the first all important requisite is to have a faith in the therapist. So a hypnotherapist might be have the best credentials, years of experience, and may have come with best recommendations but if you cannot have faith in her/him or at least a good rapport, get out of that place!
At the end of the day, if you intuitively feel the therapist can heal you, just go ahead even if the therapist is not certified, or doesn’t have previous experience. Trust your intuition! For a hypnotherapist is always a guide, the actual healing is done by your subconscious.
“Yes, there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run There’s still time to change the road you’re on And it makes me wonder” Stairway to Heaven
I hear this often from a lot of clients:
“I can’t change my career path…it’s too late for that!”
“I can’t change! It’s too late now!”
“I can’t get married anymore, I’m too old marriage!”
“Our relationship cannot change. It’s too late!”
Then why do you even come for therapy?
If you feel it’s too late, then accept your fate and learn to like it! If not, change your fate!
When we see a beautiful image on Facebook with a quote that reads “It’s never too late to change who you are!”, we immediately click like, share it to the world, and feel smug about it. But when it comes to our own lives we always have the excuse “It’s too late!”
We all know it’s never too late. We are so comfortable in our uncomfortable and fearful existence that we do not want to come out of it. Hence the excuse ‘it’s too late’.
Remember, the day you said ‘it’s too late’ is the day you decided shirk responsibility for your issues. You just want to stay where you are because it gives you the perfect opportunity to grumble, snort, sneer, cry, complain, and be miserable. You both like where you are and are too much of a coward to change who you are.
Every moment in life is a perfect opportunity for change and in fact, life makes sure you keep getting opportunities one after the other after the other just to help you change. But as the old saying goes, you can take a horse to the lake but you cannot make it drink, the decision to take action is yours!
I have had a client in his late 60’s who was ready to dig up and deal with childhood issues and gave up his 40 year old addiction of tobacco chewing. I have also had a 25 year old client who told me it was too late to learn to deal with his colleagues in office and walked out of my room and six months later he hung himself to death!
Choose where you want to be! Now is a perfect opportunity to change!